Through the streets of London
by watermelon'sPen
Summary: A case and some other things bring Hotch to London, where, while he gets to know Emily's new and old life, he has to find a danger hidden in the streets of London and some ghosts from the past come back. But after sitting with the past you can move on... / COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

**_This not exactly my first fanfiction but it's the first CM fanfiction and I plan to come to the end of this one. I do not know how many chapters but there will be a few. It is gonna be Against/Case/Romance, H/P centered._**

**_It is placed in some months time._**

**_The title derives from the song "Streets of London" from Blackmore's Night. ( I DO NOT OWN it.)_**

**_I DO NOT OWN, also, Criminal Minds. (If I did, this would have been the episode where Emily would come back after her departure in S7 finale filmed in London!)_**

**_I DO OWN, however, the character that is gonna appear in next chapter… You'll see…_**

**_Enjoy and review!_**

**Late November 2012**

**Chapter I**

**"Tea should be taken in solitude." ~C.S. Lewis**

Morgan was passing from the coffee area of the bullpen heading to Rossi's office to give him some files he had asked, when he noticed Hotch was there making some tea that Emily had sent the team from London. He stood stunned for a bit but not much to catch Hotch's attention and continued his way. He entered without knocking, still a little bit distracted, and found Dave standing in his office looking over to the bullpen that was empty at this late hour of the evening. He had some paperwork and that's why he was still there himself, but also because he had some stuff to think about too.

"Here are the files you asked for, Rossi. You owe me! It took me some really long time to dig them up. What are for?", Morgan asked when he noticed that Rossi was now watching Hotch walking up to his office holding the hot cup of tea in his hands.

"Now I know why we have one bag of tea less every morning. Did you even know that he drinks tea at all?", Morgan continued smiling teasingly, "Is he cutting down on caffeine or something?"

"He does it every evening of this month.", Rossi finally answered skeptically taking his attention off the window and went to sit behind his desk.

"Does he spend every single evening here drinking tea and doing paperwork?! Is he alright, man?"

Derek was now really concerned. Rossi didn't answer. Morgan shook his head in disappointment.

"He seemed so ok till early this month.", he added.

"Because he was distracted…"

"The story with Beth went down, didn't it? Oh no… He misses his woman, man. That's the thing!"

"Exactly. And that's why he drinks English tea.", Rossi answered firmly underlining the word 'English' He got up from his chair, took the files Morgan brought and went towards the door.

"Thanks for the files, kiddo!"

And Rossi left the office leaving a far more confused Morgan behind.

"Ok… This is not my cup of tea. Oh God, again with the tea…!", Derek muttered to himself annoyed.

Rossi knocked on Hotch's door . Hotch was staring to the opposite wall in thoughts holding the hot cup in his hands. When David knocked, he left the half emptied cup on the desk and got busy with filling some papers in front of him.

"Come in", he said as normally.

He watched Rossi from the corner of his eye but he didn't lift his head.

"Dave, what's up?"

"I finished my paperwork and I want to tell you something, too."

David sat in the chair in front of Hotch's desk.

"Interpol caught a guy and they think that he is connected with some cases here."

David placed the files on the desk. Hotch stiffened a little at the Interpol mention, not too obviously. He took a sip from the tea. But Dave knew better.

"They need to check it out, because he is an American citizen. If so, they should decide on sending him here to face his sentence."

"Serial killer?", Hotch asked casually. He still hadn't lifted his head.

"He popped up in an organized crime case. They are not sure if he is a serial killer but certainly he follows some patterns known to us from five unsolved cases here."

"How came I was not notified?"

"A friend of mine called me directly."

Hotch lifted his head finally in question.

"She thought I was still in retirement.", Rossi continued quickly so as not to leave Hotch thinking for long that Emily avoid contacting him. Actually that was the truth. His friend in discussion was not Emily and she did not know her director knew Rossi, so she took the initiative to call him.

"She? I didn't know that you had admirers who work for Interpol.", Dave, Hotch joked so as not to show his relief.

"Actually I met her in three or four presentations of my books overseas."

Hotch lifted his eyebrow.

"Oh no, no! The girl is old enough to be my daughter, Aaron!"

"That didn't stop you before…"

"Oh come on! Can't I have females as just friends?"

"You tell me. Obviously I am not an expert.", and at this point Hotch was bitter.

"Have you ever thought why you and Beth did not work?", Rossi became serious jumping into the subject. He knew it wasn't the best move but he wanted to catch his friend off guard.

"'Whenever I can I'll take the chance to come to New York." Who was I kidding?", Hotch muttered to himself.

"Maybe there was different reason why you didn't try harder and why she didn't understand finally.", Dave said eyeing the cup of tea that was almost cold now.

"What did you want to tell me in the first place, Dave?", Hotch said strictly noticing his old friend's move. He took the cup in his hands. As a profiler he knew that this meant that the tea had a meaning for him but at this moment he was annoyed by Rossi's intrusion.

"I was asked to give a lecture to some new agents of Interpol and at the same time to provide any information about the cold cases. And I can't go."

Hotch at any other circumstances would have said something like "So bad with your admirer?" but now he just wanted for David to finish and get out leaving him, his thoughts and his tea alone.

"I was asked to go to London and I can't. Last week when I was ill, I finally had a pretty bad cold in my ears. The doctor doesn't allow me to get on a plane for a month, at least not for so many hours of flight without serious reason.", Rossi lied. It was a lousy lie, he knew, but obviously flying to a case is a serious reason. Sixteen hours of flight go and come for some co-operation that may not have a result weren't considered "for serious reasons".

"I'll send Morgan. He had been there before."

"Morgan is not proficient enough to give a lecture and he has no idea about the cases. Neither does Reid. They need someone with inside eyes not just the facts. We worked on them many years ago. You are the only one qualified enough for both.", Dave continued standing up.

"Dave, I have a son if you are forgetting and also I can't leave the team!"

"You are not gonna miss for ages. It's only a week and as for the team I can hold the strings while you are gone, my friend. I've done this before."

Hotch bent his head and shook it in disagreement. He did not want to go to London, at least not forced like this. David walked to the door.

"It's a good opportunity Aaron! You'll get to get out from here, see if Big Ben is still in its place and get more of this tea you love so much…"

Smiling knowingly Rossi opened the door and got out of the office, leaving a confused and thoughtful Hotch still holding his cup of tea.

**Tea is a cup of life. ~Author Unknown**

**_Spoiler: Hotch does go to London. Not really one… The story takes place in London as I said!_**

**_Who is he going to meet apart from Emily? How is Emily doing?_**

**_Stay tuned and you will find out…_**

**_Please Review!_**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter II**

"**The secret of flight is this: you have to do it immediately, before your body realizes it is defying the laws." ~ ****Michael Cunningham**

One week after Rossi and Hotch's discussion in the office, Hotch's flight was landing in Heathrow airport. He was stiffed after eight hours of flight in the narrows seats of economy class. He managed to have a nap. He had to as it was around ten thirty in the morning London time when they landed. But mainly he was nervous. He wasn't the social type of guy and he wasn't so good with meeting again long gone friends. Long gone? Not really. Just one year ago they were all happy and trying to reunite after Emily's "death", thinking that everything will be back to normal for a long-long time. And friends? He didn't really know if this was the term. He and Emily were watching out for each other, talking, they were even laughing sometimes, after she came back. He didn't know if this can be called friends. They didn't really hang out together. It was this kind of situation when you feel connected with someone, when you have a good communication, sense the understanding and you are not really too close but there is a bond, a bond of something deeper that only appeared when the circumstances made it to do so: during his time in hospital after Foyet and after, when he so willingly decided to put the trust of his team to him in danger just to save her, when they danced in JJ's wedding… Oh no… He should stop thinking all this. He was an almost fifty year old man. He couldn't show up nervous about meeting a woman. At least she was a woman that left even after their efforts to make her comfortable again, that at last said she couldn't make roots on the same ground with them. DC didn't feel like home and she took off so easily for the other side of the Atlantic! With the last thought the stoic and reserved Hotch reappeared again. It was just a meeting with a former colleague finally! Oh yeah! Those were the proper words that he should say in his mind again-again for the next week.

The checking of passports and visas took him too long. He finally had experience of the long queues of London Heathrow airport he had heard about and he didn't really like it. He took his luggage and went out to arrivals hall having put on his suit jacket and tie holding his briefcase and dragging the suitcase. He wasn't really expecting Emily to be there. He had written in the e-mail which was his flight but he assumed he would meet her in the Interpol office. But he noticed the smiling brunette standing in the corner waiting. It seemed like ages since the last time his eyes met hers, those big dark eyes. She hadn't changed at all. The only thing was that she was wearing a skirt, thing that was very rare in BAU, a dark red, knee long, pencil skirt with the same colour suit jacket and a black blouse with a lace collar and some vintage pattern on it. She was holding a black coat in her hands. She looked more lady-like now, not the girl that used to push bad guys on the ground. Of course, she ran an office now. He smiled back, a true, generous smile and headed towards her.

"Welcome to London, Hotch!", she greeted him politely.

"Thank you, Emily.", Hotch answered in his usual neutral tone, when he finally was close to her.

"Glad to see you again.", he continued and he touched her arm briefly with his free hand. He knew a handshake would have been too formal and a hug? May be too weird.

Emily remembered when she greeted Garcia and Morgan in the same airport some months ago. Garcia ran into her arms almost knocking her off balance and Morgan gave her a warm hug. But Hotch wasn't Morgan and most definitely not Garcia.

"Actually I didn't expect you to be here. I thought we would meet directly in Interpol office."

"My mother taught me not to leave a friend unwelcomed after a flight."

'Friend' Yes maybe they were friends finally.

"Come on. I came with the tube but a car will come for us in a few."

Hotch wanted to say something when Emily's phone rang. She checked the ID and answered.

"Hey! Where are you? ... OK! We will head to the parking. … Is it really the traffic or are you cleaning up?", Emily laughed at the person on the other side of the line. "… OK, OK! You'll come to us. We'll be standing near the exit from the inside. OK, G! See you soon!"

Hotch noticed that Emily seemed pretty relaxed talking to the caller. She was smiling warmly the whole time. He was glad that she had already a friend, a friend or something more? He wondered who their driver would be, certainly not some formal Interpol staff person. As soon as Emily ended the call he protested:

"Emily, there was no need for any inconvenience. I would have taken a taxi or the train."

"Believe me taxis are far too expensive in this country and you don't really want to drag a suitcase in a stuffed narrow, underground train. It was no problem at all and actually there is someone that I want you to meet outside the office."

Hotch followed Emily through the airport. He had gotten curious. Who was the person? He threw a look at Emily's fingers. No engagement ring or something. But wait a minute. Would she want him to meet a boyfriend just the moment he landed? Not really possible but also what if he just offered to give them a lift? Hotch felt a hint of jealousy but he knew he didn't have the right. He had Beth when Emily left and she left to make new roots. It was good for her if she had already found someone special. He knew, however, that he would never be comfortable with the idea…

They arrived at the agreed point without much talking. Actually the airport was full of people at this time of the day.

"So how was the flight?", Emily started the conversation.

"Quite smooth I can say but I think I am too used to the jet."

"Commercial flights have too narrow seats and no sofa, don't they? That's why billionaires buy jets finally!"

Hotch smiled at the small joke. And then he noticed Emily's eyes towards the door.

"Here we are!", she said.

Hotch followed her eyes. The person entering should be their driver…

"**I keep my love in the trunk. And I drive slowly over speed bumps, so she doesn't bump her head around. ****" ~ ****Jarod Kintz****, ****This Book Has No Title**

_**OK… Finally I extended the uncovering of the mysterious person. I wanted to focus on the feelings and thoughts and at the same time not make the chapter too long.**_

_**In the next chapter, that will come very-very soon (the fourth is gonna take one day maybe), we will have the meeting. **_

_**Who is the driver? No spoilers this time.**_

_**Review Review!**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter III**

"**You**** must stick to your conviction, but be ready to abandon your assumptions.****" ~ Denis Waitley **

Hotch threw a look at Emily to be sure that she was looking at the person that he was. He felt like a fool when he understood that his quick assumptions leaded him to make hidden feelings surface in his thoughts. He was expecting to see some tall, blond and handsome guy to walk through the door, whose presence was going to make him uncomfortable for the next few days and let him going back to DC with only a cup of tea as a comfort. OK this did not mean that this particular guy did not exist, but definitely wasn't "this" driver. If he was the laughing type we would have laughed with himself. He had no actual clue about the driver, yet he had made a whole scenario in his head in less than five minutes. Instead of the Clyde-looking guy Hotch was picturing, the driver was a short, dyed-red, long, curly haired… woman!

She just finished a call, taking the bluetooth out of her ear and swearing something to herself. The mobile phone should have been somewhere in the pockets of her tight black jeans, as she wasn't carrying a bag or a coat and she had the car keys in her hand. She saw them, smiled at Emily and looked at Hotch. Hotch was pretty sure she checked him out but not in a rude way. Still it made him uncomfortable. He wasn't used to this kind of thing. Walking towards them, she didn't seem to pay attention to the security guard of the airport that looked like he noticed the bulge in her waist that her woolen sweater, even too long and 3 sizes bigger than it should be, couldn't hide. Hotch knew that in England only very few police officers were allowed to carry guns. She should be an Interpol agent consequently, even if her appearance did not really shout "agent".

"Hey, Emily! Sorry to be late.", the woman told smiling in an accent that definitely wasn't british.

"No problem, Ria", Emily replied cheerfully.

Hotch thought that if she had used this name on the phone, she would have spared him the speculations. Before Emily had the chance to make the introductions, the woman talked to him extending her hand.

"Welcome to the wet home country of tea, bad coffee and fish and chips, BAU Unit chief, SSA Aaron Hotchner. Interpol Agent Gloria Paterson."

"Nice to meet you. Thank you!", he replied and laughed at her comment giving his hand and noticing the lack of details in her own introduction.

"That comes from someone who is British but not lived in Britain.", Emily added laughing too.

"It's not a bad comment. It's part of the truth.", Gloria added, "You'll notice it you too, our dear American visitor."

Gloria folded her hands in front of her and continued. She looked him up and down for second time

"Impressed. I really couldn't expect anything less…"

She eyed Emily that bitted her lip reminding Hotch of how much he missed seeing her doing that. But was it a look of approval towards Emily?

"I have heard a lot about you...", Gloria added.

Was Emily talking about him? This time Hotch started getting confused. This meeting was stranger than he had imagined. In just moments Gloria cleared her throat and continued quickly.

"From Agent Rossi.", she added casually.

Hotch didn't know if these last words were added to added to cover Emily or if it was the truth.

"Oh yeah, Gloria here is the one that called Dave about the cases.", Emily explained.

This was Rossi's friend! Rossi was right the woman was old enough to be his daughter. She wasn't past 34-35 years old. Giving that she was left with the idea that Rossi was still in retirement, she should have met him at least six years ago which meant she wasn't even 30 back then.

"He has written about the one case in one of his books. He hasn't put too many details as it is unsolved. But when that guy appeared, I don't know, it just felt too familiar and that's why I called him for the details."

"It seems like you are right.", Emily added.

"We'll find out how good your instincts are, Agent Paterson.", Hotch continued guessing that if Emily trusted her, this should mean that she was efficient.

"Oh please, just Gloria."

The security guard finally started to approach them. Gloria had her hand in her pocket, taking out her badge and opening it in the moment the guy was beside her. She had seen him from the start eventually.

"Interpol Agent?", the guy eyed her suspiciously.

Before Gloria answered, Emily intervened that surprised Hotch a little.

"Exactly. Interpol Agent and I am Emily Prentiss, Head of Interpol London Office.", she said in a tone that reminded him of himself, showing her ID.

"Oh I am really sorry, ma'am. Your agent carries a gun and I had to check it.", the guard answered.

"No problem.", Emily replied.

The guy stood aside but still he was looking at Gloria. Hotch was right she didn't look like an "agent", at all.

"I think we should get going.", Emily proposed. "We will have plenty of time to talk during the ride to the city centre."

"Right.", Hotch agreed getting hold of his luggage.

"Is there any other problem?", Gloria asked abruptly the guard that hadn't averted his attention from her, "I'm the security detail for my boss."

They started to walk towards the exit and to the parking lot. Gloria was walking in front of them to guide them to the car. Emily left Hotch a little bit behind and caught up with Gloria.

"Security detail?", Emily said her smiling teasingly.

"Why? Because I am not dressed up like a penguin, black suit - white shirt? We like to be discrete and you are not a diplomat, my friend!"

Emily laughed. They had an inside joke going on that Hotch did not really get but he was intrigued by that Gloria character and how she ended up Emily's friend. She wasn't really the type of woman that he would want around him in any level. She was making him nervous. He couldn't really put his finger on what it was. He didn't know clearly what she knew about him and from where but he knew that there were also some things deeper. The profiler in him kicked in. No formal dressing, the way she spoke back to the security guard: She clearly had some issues with authority, thing strange for an agent. The way she started talking without letting Emily speak first, the not so discrete comment… On that she was a like Emily when she first joined BAU in a little bit worse way. Hotch smiled thinking of how Emily was in the beginning. With Gideon she was more reserved but with him… Oh God! She was driving him crazy sometimes. Popping, talking and asking questions when she had to just shut up. Once she had asked if everything was ok after a phonecall from Haley! Yeah definitely Gloria seemed a lot like Emily when she first joined the team but she was definitely worse. There was also something else: Her too much awareness of her surroundings even in conditions that it wasn't needed and her way to camouflage it. Even Hotch thought that she had never seen the guard noticing her. She seemed an easing talking person, but she was too tense, like she was hiding something, like something was bothering her. He had a feeling that something was out of place, but Emily seemed to get along really well with her and that was bothering him.

"**London is a roost for every bird." ~ Benjamin Disraeli **

_**The first quote and paragraph were for all of you who thought the mystery driver was Clyde or at least a boyfriend, like Hotch… I never said that the new character was a man. Emily never mentioned the genre of the person she was waiting. In the whole previous chapter there is neither a he nor a she, my dear, furry readers! (Garcia quote) :P**_

_**Next chapter maybe tomorrow, otherwise on Sunday. I'm gonna use my train time as a time to boost the story and my visit to London for job reasons me too as an inspiration!**_

_**The next chapter will be the ride to London city centre. It is a real 47 minutes ride withoutthe traffic, so we are gonna have more talking and discovering things.**_

_**Small spoiler because I do not know when I update: Clyde will be mentioned in the story but he is out of the picture. He has left some stuff to Emily to deal with however.**_

_**Let me know of what you think about this -finally female- new character!**_

_**(Short notice there is nothing slash in the fic.)**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter IV**

"**This is a London particular . . . A fog, miss." ~ Charles Dickens**

Outside the weather was a bit foggy, wet and cold, classic London winter. It wasn't raining however. Emily had worn her coat and so had Hotch.

"Here we are.", Gloria said pressing the button of the keys.

The car was a dark blue sedan.

"Sorry but I didn't have time to go back to the office and take a more fancy car. We have to stick with a surveillance one.", she continued, opening the trunk for him to put his suitcase in.

Emily opened the back door and got ready to take her coat off.

"No, no, don't take your coat off, Emily. The heating system of this car is broken."

"Ooh… And you stayed the whole night in this?"

She was doing surveillance of something or someone, Hotch assumed.

"Without meaning finally.", she answered.

That meant she wasn't too high in the rate but she wasn't so young to do fishing surveillances.

"And I can survive some low temperature.", she continued looking a little annoyed.

Emily got in shutting the door and Hotch went from the other side of the vehicle. He was glad that he sat on the left side. From this position he could keep an eye on the driver, something maybe could give him a clue about what was off with her. Emily was looking around the car. Gloria got in too, threw the bluetooth in an open case in the middle of the car and put her cell phone on a base beside the wheel. Next to it was another one with a cup of coffee -Hotch guessed- that should have been cold by now. Gloria took two large gulps from the cup and started the car.

"So you were cleaning up the car indeed.", Emily joked.

Hotch remembered the phone call.

"And you drove here with the windows opened so we won't smell fast food fried oil or… smoke.", Emily continued teasingly.

The agent had bad habits...

"Oh Gosh! I hate profilers and now I'm stuck with two.", Gloria said back throwing a look at him from the rear mirror. He thought that maybe she was pretty aware that he was profiling her.

"You have no idea.", Emily continued looking at Hotch. He knew that she knew that he was studying the woman. She was always aware of what was going on his head even when she wasn't saying anything. Another thing that he missed. Dave also had that but he was better with the personal stuff. Emily was good with both the personal and the professional stuff too… However, she put him to do this, this time, and this was another thing that he wasn't getting.

Gloria had maneuvered the car out of the parking that was very busy. The moment they were in the highway she made it to the middle lane and hit the gear but not too much. She was driving conventionally but this wasn't a real fact. She had her boss and a foreigner in the car. Emily touched Hotch's hand that was resting beside him, briefly to catch his attention.

"We will speak about the case but first, how are Jack and everyone back in DC?"

Emily always asked about Jack, he felt that she always had a soft spot for his kid. She hadn't met him too many times but she always cared…

"He is fine. He is doing great at school."

"Smart kid, Hotch.", she stated as a matter of fact.

"And he has many friends, too."

"Is everyone nice to him now? You know, Gloria, his son's solution for a kid that was bad at him was to make friends with him. It still remains the sweetest thing I've ever heard."

Hotch saw Gloria smiling and really warmly, thing that he hadn't seen from her yet. However, right now he did not want to focus on his on-going profile. He looked at his knees and admitted:

"Yeah, and I told him that any bad that happens he doesn't need to face it alone. He didn't say anything for that time but he did it for every time after…"

Hotch admitted for first time in his life that he indeed listened to Emily. He was always a bit arrogant. Even when he followed someone's advice he didn't admit it to the person, never thanked them. Dave knew him, so he wasn't bothered, but Emily… She needed to know and he never made her the favor and at this point she seemed a little bit stunned. Gloria's smile had grown bigger, did she know anything of all this? She intervened.

"I guess you promised him something good for leaving him a whole week to come here."

Hotch smiled.

"Oh yes! You caught me on that. I have to do some shopping."

"Christmas-y London. Best thing in the world."

"And how's the team?", Emily asked quickly. She didn't want him to become more aware of her surprise and she changed subject, Hotch thought, and he was thankful. He did not want to have any further personal discussion, not yet, at least not in front of a woman he didn't know and didn't trust.

"They cope alright, the usual. Reid has a girlfriend, actually."

"Oh naughty boy! That's why he never answers my e-mails on time!", Emily laughed.

"JJ is supportive, Morgan's teasing him, Garcia wants to learn all the details and Dave is giving him love advice.", he continued smiling a bit. He was happy for the young genius, too.

"Oh these sound too familiar!", Emily continued laughing.

"What about your new member?", Gloria spoke. "Penelope was pretty concerned when she was here, that's why I am asking.", she continued quickly.

Gloria obviously had met Garcia when she had come here with Morgan, but Hotch had the idea that she was pushing the conversation on purpose towards Emily's replacement and her knowledge of Garcia's concern was the excuse.

"She is efficient. They all get along now.", he replied sternly.

He wasn't going to follow the woman's lead. He wasn't going to let Emily know how much she was missed by the team, too, even if she seemed that she wanted a better answer to that question. There was no point. She was here. How much she was missed by him, himself? Only if he felt that it did matter…

His thoughts were interrupted by Gloria's phone ringing.

"Excuse me.", putting the Bluetooth in her ear and pressing the answering button.

"Paterson. … Yeah, Roger. … Yeah, I guessed that. Anyway. I called to remind you of the car. … Yes, yes, I know. … I practically froze my ass off and now it's not only mine that's freezing, but our boss's and her guest's too. … I'm bringing it in now. … OK.", she spat back and she ended the call.

She sounded pretty unnerved on the phone and she didn't bother to use a better language. Hotch noticed Emily getting concerned when she heard Gloria mentioning her. Not annoyed, concerned.

"And now you're gonna do it.", Gloria murmured. "Sorry for this.", she said louder.

"Is everything alright?", Emily asked her smoothly.

"Everything is just fine."

Emily shook her head from side to side not convinced. He had to figure out what the big deal was about a cold car with no fixed heating system.

"So, what about the case?", he asked. It was about time to move on the real subject.

"**It's always about timing. If it's too soon, no one understands. If it's too late, everyone's forgotten." ~ ****Anna Wintour**

_**OK… The last quote is for Hotch and for you my readers. **_

_**I should first say that I'm sticking to Hotch's point of view because he is the one who doesn't know anything about what's really going on in the other side of the Atlantic. If I start uncover what Emily or Gloria think, there will be no surprise either for the case, or for Emily's feelings. It's a good thing that he is a master profiler. He notices every single move of the other two.**_

_**I split the ride to London in 2 parts finally. I'm uploading the next chapter together. I wanted in this one to give some information about the others left behind, add some H/P moments, but I want to introduce you to the case, too, and I hate really long chapters. The case finally will become vital to the whole story and this Gloria character has to do a lot with this but also with the relationship between Hotch and Emily.**_

_**You may think that I put too many details but believe me everything will fit at the end. I just hope I don't make you tired.**_

_**Sorry for the actual spoiler about Reid's girlfriend but I think we all know that he's going to get one in one or two episodes.**_

_**The next chapter is the start of the action. Hit the button! ;)**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**[This chapter is uploaded together with the previous. Be sure that you read the other one first. ;) ]**_

**Chapter V**

"**The more I read, the more I acquire, the more certain I am that I know nothing." ~ Voltaire**

"Time to go straight to the point", Gloria agreed.

"At first I should state the relevant cases in US are not only five. There are ten potential matches finally.", Hotch started in his professional manner.

"Ten? Wow…", Gloria said surprised.

"I read your files but I should say that I noticed some inaccuracies…", he continued.

"First, did Garcia find anything about the guy we have in custody?", Emily cut him off. Obviously she was pretty aware that something didn't feel right in the files.

"Actually your suspect doesn't exist in the system. Only a birth certificate was uncovered. He was indeed born in the States but nothing further."

"How is that even possible?", Gloria was surprised, "He had a damn valid US passport on him!"

"I don't know but that's what we found.", Hotch stated untouched by her reaction, "Garcia is digging deeper. As for his M.O., I should remark that it is a pretty wild connection.", he continued opening his briefcase and taking out the files and flipping through them.

"Exactly the fact that it is wild means that there is one.", Gloria replied to him in a cold tone.

"Don't be so sure, agent.", Hotch told her strictly.

Gloria shifted a little bit in her seat but he wasn't so sure that she did it out of annoyance.

"So you have ten murders in US and we have over twenty in Europe with law abiding citizens, police officers, lawyers, two doctors and one political candidate, all with their chests ripped from behind.", Emily summed up.

It was good to work with her again, Hotch thought. He had missed hearing her business voice. He had missed a lot of things finally…

"I worked with Rossi on five of these cases.", he continued quickly not wanting to go down that road yet. "They had occurred in the same area and they called us. But for the local area I can comprehend an assumption for this connection. How did you manage to do it in international level?"

"It started locally, too. In Rome, a lawyer was killed with this M.O. They thought that it had to do with a job of his for a mafia gang. He had been the defendant for one member's case but nothing further. A police officer followed. There was an idea that he was selling legal protection to the same gang.", Emily explained.

"Believe me, those guys didn't even remember the lawyer's name, the job was over something completely ridiculous and the cop was squeaky clean.", Gloria popped into the conversation.

Hotch noticed the word "cop" instead of the british version of "copper". She hasn't lived in Britain for too long certainly.

"And does this information come from the inside?", he asked quite surprised by the certainty of the statement.

"There was an undercover operation on-going.", Emily answered smoothly throwing a look at the driver in front of her.

"And from that exact operation was the undercover agent, he read from the file when he found the proper part, that reported he had encountered the suspect in the area and he came across a potential witness that saw the event and heard the suspect saying…"

"'By that sin fell the angels' from William Shakespeare…", Gloria continued his sentence thoughtfully.

Hotch noticed the blank look of hers on the road before her. She had shifted a couple times more in her seat.

"Before he killed him.", he finished his sentence.

"And this phrase connects four of cases here and these with the two American directly.", Gloria informed him.

"Actually it is the only fact that associates your cases to ours.", Hotch clarified.

"And the type of the knife, we are not based only on words.", Gloria said.

Hotch noticed that she had started talking in a neutral, cold and very professional way. He couldn't decide if this was a good or a bad thing.

"There are millions of these knives, agent, and you have knowledge of this. The words are quite identifiable, though. Is the witness available?"

"No. He was killed in the streets.", Gloria replied.

"Ultimately did the whole investigation arise from an undercover agent's story?", Hotch was confused. Did Interpol start an investigation from a witch-hunt?, he carried on in his head.

"No. The whole investigation began with the guy getting arrested here for a bar fight carrying the same knife. The undercover agent just recognized him.", Gloria stated. Hotch noticed that Emily had left the lead to their driver completely. Gloria was full into this investigation. That was pretty clear. But what did a low rate agent who was doing just surveillances have to do with a potential serial killer case?

"I will need to speak to this undercover agent."

"You are speaking to her right now.", Gloria said back firmly.

This wasn't the answer that Hotch was expecting. He was so stunned that he made it obvious. That's why Emily wanted him to meet her! Gloria seemed entertained by his surprise.

"You've been working undercover?", he asked still surprised.

"That's why you are wondering from the start why I don't look like a proper agent, Agent Hotchner.", she replied looking at him from the rear mirror and winked at him.

He was right. She knew that he was observing her. Undercover agent? That could explain a lot of things about her but not exactly, not all of them and certainly not the "off" thing.

"Gloria's off for the time. I keep her previous operations in closed lines. She works in the office in assistance to various tasks.", Emily said after the information had sunk in.

Hotch noticed the "I" in the sentence. The woman was her personal matter. Maybe she knew her from before. Maybe they had a lot in common, even if Hotch couldn't exactly see them…

"The suspect's DNA was confirmed in six cases when the investigation proceeded. We run also the evidence provided by your country the time we speaking. Thank God, when you slice people like that, with this kind of knife, you get to cut yourself, too.", Gloria finished her briefing to him without extending on what Emily had just said.

She had shifted again in her seat and Emily noticed it… again. Hotch had seen her watching their driver doing that quite a few times and now she was getting worried. He hadn't understood what the deal was yet. The woman in front of them was an undercover agent. She should have gotten through quite rough times. Why Emily was so concerned? But yeah… This was Emily. Always caring for others, not only for Spencer who was the weakest or the soft Garcia, but also for Morgan, the tough guy, for him, the stubborn boss…

"And this is London.", Gloria said casually.

Hotch looked out of the car window taking his mind off the case. With the conversation he hadn't noticed that they were reaching the main area of London. He had been in the English capital before but it never stopped to amuse him. Old and new buildings side by side, all kinds of people in the streets, it was a city of a particular beauty."When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life", he had read somewhere. "For there is in London all that life can afford..." He wasn't so sure, however, if his life could afford one particular thing that was in London…

"Your profile for your cases was for someone that could sneak underground, quiet and not dragging attention to himself, until he lured the victims alone.", Emily read from a file that she had taken from him at some point, not aware of his reverie. "He should also be related to law enforcement or law system, too."

"That derived from the fact that some of the victims were only mentioned in case files as relevant, not necessarily accused for something and not mentioned in the press.", Hotch explained.

"So he should be in a position that he could learn all those details.", Emily carried on.

"And now we are implying that your suspect had access to international database and he killed across the globe.", he finished.

"How could that guy do something like this?", Emily thought out loud.

"Only if we have James Bond in custody…", Gloria remarked.

**"They say you're judged by the strength of your enemies." ~ James Bond (Quantum of Solace – 2008) **

_**Oh Gosh… That was the toughest chapter till now. Building a case is so complicated and making Hotch sound like Hotch even more… This guy speaks too lawyer-y in the scripts of CM…**_

_**I took me a while to update but you got two chapters! Happy? ;)**_

_**Tell me your opinions! **_

_**Next chapter coming but it will take a while. Not too long! I promise!**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter VI**

"**A good friend keeps your secrets for you. A best friend helps you keep your own secrets." ~ Lauren Oliver**

The rest of the driving was quiet. They had decided to first pass from Hotch's hotel so he could leave his suitcase and then head to the Interpol Office. Gloria had parked in some empty space around a corner from the hotel. Hotch took his luggage and went to check in leaving the two women in the car. While he was getting back, he saw from some distance that they had gotten out. Gloria was leaning on the trunk, smoking a cigarette. She had her head down while Emily, opposite her, was speaking smoothly to her. From their body language Hotch could say Emily was upset and was trying to convince the other woman on something but Gloria was denying it and she had a defeated expression in her face. He tried to approach them from behind the corner in a way so as not to be seen immediately. It wasn't really polite to spy on them but his curiosity got the best of him and, of course, he was an FBI agent.

"Don't think I didn't notice you shifting around. You're obviously in pain! This attitude should stop!", he heard Emily saying.

Emily was talking about her keeping shifting in the car, he thought. In pain? Was the agent injured?

"Emily, just let it slide. Please."

"Gloria, they can't ignore you and leave you in freezing conditions like this! You are only getting worse!", that was the angry, caring Emily.

That was finally the big deal with the car… Obviously the woman wasn't getting the best attitude in the office and Emily was defending her. She never ever changed…

"It's not like I can get any better either.", Gloria murmured taking a drag from her cigarette and she continued, "I can handle those things by myself. Let me, please. The extra attention doesn't help me or you, my no "politics"-friendly friend, and the bastard left you with enough stuff to deal with."

Emily dropped her head and shook it from side to side. Hotch assumed that her new job was pretty tough. She hated politics and it seemed like she was stuck with too much of this. Who was the "bastard", though?

"Emily, you've done enough already, too much actually with "this". I…", Gloria carried on, lifting her head and touching Emily's shoulder. She sounded too thankful.

Hotch concluded that even all that woman's strange things, she was definitely respecting Emily and looking out for her. He didn't know however what the "this" was…

"'This'" was something that should be done in any way or another, for all the reasons in the world, not just you."

"I know. But I still thank you.", she dropped her hand, took the last drag and put the butt in a piece of aluminium foil that she had in her hand, "At least you got a piece from the pie! Your wish! You got him here, didn't you?", Gloria teased Emily playfully, obviously to change subject but Hotch froze on his tracks. "Him"? A man? "Here"? So the man wasn't here before and Emily wished him here? Gloria was talking about him, Hotch himself? No, no! Where the hell did this come from? He shouldn't flatter himself. They were talking about someone else. He was here for a case, not for something that Gloria should be thankful to Emily for.

Emily blushed and smiled but her lack of an actual answer in words didn't actually clarify his quest.

"Emily, are you still ok with this? I mean hiding something so…", Gloria continued concerned.

"It's fine Gloria.", Emily cut her off reassuringly.

Hotch was getting more-more confused. He had no idea about what they were talking about. What was the "this"? Who was the "he"? What Emily was hiding and from whom? They had stopped talking so he left some moments pass before he appeared from behind the corner.

"Interpol got you a very nice hotel, didn't we?", Gloria told him when she saw him.

"Sure.", he said simply and they got in the car.

Gloria dropped them in front of the Interpol building. They agreed that she would meet them after lunch for a more detailed briefing and then they would all go and get some rest. Hotch and Emily went upstairs to her office. He thought that the room was much alike to his. He was right. They always had the same taste in things. Everything was in order except a huge pile of papers on the side of her desk. He noticed a glittered pencil case on a self of the bookcase behind her desk and some funny gadget. These should be Garcia's gifts. On her desk there was a photo of Emily with JJ, Penelope and Morgan from some night out with a silver St Christopher's pendant hanging on the side. This should be from Rossi he thought. St Christopher is the protector of travellers he remembered. He thought there was no sign from him until he noticed the pen beside some papers in front of her. He had given it to her when she left and it seemed she was using it every day...

"Oh yeah I have an office now.", she said taking off her coat going to sit behind her desk interrupting his thoughts." How do you manage to stay in one of these for all those years? Sometimes I find it too lonely."

'I'm quiet you know, you make a first impression.' He had heard in a song. For him the office was his refuge. For her was a lonely place. But 'You finally find you and I collide...'

"So how is everything here?", he said sitting in the chair in front of her desk.

"OK I think. Too much politics, however. I finally have to thank my mother for the genes she passed to me. Now I know what you are getting through."

"At least you don't have Strauss.", he smiled.

"I had Clyde in this position before me and believe me it is worse. The guy was jumping to conclusions and never followed procedures. He has left a complete mess.", she sounded too unnerved.

Clyde was "the bastard", Hotch assumed. He almost smiled. He definitely agreed with Gloria on this. Clyde didn't want to help with Emily's case at first until he threatened him, and then he took Emily away...

"You have to work with Gloria on the cases. Are you ok with this?", Emily continued.

"Why not?", he asked. It was time to do some fishing about the mysterious woman.

"I'm telling you she is my only friend around. I hope the profile you were making during the driving here is not that bad."

Hotch raised his eyebrow. Emily laughed.

"Hotch, you were examining her like she was an UnSub. She is good, trust me.", Emily got serious, "I knew her from before. She is clever and efficient. Five undercover operations of long or short time all successful, without problems or psychological issues, at her age, is an extremely high score."

He continued looking at her. There was more to the story. Emily knew he had figured this out so she smiled thoughtfully looking at the papers in front of her.

"You are too good, Hotch. I never forgot that... She's struggling a little, I know. Clyde really screwed up her last case. He took the wrong decision, he left her uncovered. The case turned out ok but she got injured... pretty badly. She's left with permanent damage on muscles of her right backside."

"And she is in the field?", he asked concerned and a little bit surprised.

"Hotch, she saved my life even in this condition and without a gun. She had better days but she is coping.", Emily replied back in tone that seemed that she had told the same thing too many times.

However, at this point Hotch almost got a heart attack.

"Don't tell me that even in this position you still go out there?!"

He hoped he didn't sound too upset but he certainly was. God… At least, all this time he was thinking that she was safe, away from trucks, bullets, stakes, planks, crazy religious leaders and so on and now he knew that he came too close to learn from the evening news that she got killed!

"What can I say? Sometimes I just miss the action. And as it seems the danger misses me too."

Definitely. She had a habit of attracting all the previous stuff… Suddenly Hotch was too grateful to a woman he didn't like.

"So should I expect 'I don't trust boss men' syndrome?", he asked returning to their subject to calm down.

"'Boss men'? Are you hanging out with Garcia?", she laughed, "She knows you are not like Clyde...", she continued without looking at him.

So she had indeed spoken to Gloria about him. But that was expected. She had to know with who she is going to work with.

"But given your 'I don't trust women' syndrome...", Emily continued in a joking tone.

"I think I kicked that habit, long ago.", he answered looking at her intensely.

He knew that this wasn't completely true. It was true for her but not in general. He hadn't said earlier in the car that he still wasn't ok with the new agent in BAU. It's not like he didn't trust her on the job. She was an experienced agent. He just couldn't get close, trust completely. It was only business for him and nothing more, just another opinion in a case.

"Are you sure?", Emily looked at him in question.

She seemed like she was still joking but he could see some pain in her eyes. Did she even think that he didn't trust her? Maybe in the beginning he didn't but after? He did trust her and he had done everything to prove it to her. Did she have any doubts before or even now?

"Anyway. Just, please, keep off each other's throats for the next week.", Emily finished.

"**You know, sometimes you've got to trust the people you love. You've got to trust that if they're good people, they'll make good decisions." ~ ****Janette Rallison**

_**Some more time of Hotch and Prentiss alone and Hotch learning things about Emily's new life… What do you think?**_

_**With the next chapter we pass to the next day and it will be more focused on the case. We have a James Bond suspect, don't forget!**_

_**The spoilers this time are in the quotes used in this chapter, my readers! Go figure out!**_

_**And I really should thank you for reading my story, too!**_

_**And something that came up while I was watching the latest episode: I had imagined, two chapters before, something more normal for poor Reid… Can't these writers introduce a love interest in a less creepy way? (It seems they are too influenced by the rest of the stuff that they write!) At first we had that Beth hitting on Hotch in the weirdest way (How could someone assume from a suit that a man is an FBI agent?!) and now a girl got interested in Reid by his MRI! Though, my money is on the fact that the new season main serial killer will have to do with Reid's girlfriend. **_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter VII**

"**Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing.****"****Euripides**

After the afternoon briefing, Hotch went to his hotel and stayed there that evening, having a dinner in the restaurant of the hotel, a drink at the bar. He was too exhausted to walk around at all. Emily had told him that they could go for dinner some other day but she wanted to let him rest the first evening. He was glad, not only because he was indeed too tired from the flight, but also because he was too confused about everything, the cases and his feelings… Both of them were a complete mess and that was the only thing certain. He fell asleep thinking about everything and nothing...

The next morning came and he headed to the Interpol Office. His hotel was only fifteen minute walk. The road was full of rushing Londoners heading to their jobs. He didn't look any different with his suit under his coat and his briefcase. He arrived at the office and in the room, that Emily had provided them, earlier than the normal hour, only to find Gloria already there making coffee with her back to the door. She was wearing a pair of blue buggy jeans, a black, thick blouse, a long, woollen jacket with stripes and flat boots. Hotch still wasn't comfortable with her, even after Emily's reassurances, so he had decided to still keep an eye on the woman.

"Morning", he said clearly after he passed the door as quiet as possible.

"Good morning, Agent Hotchner! You are an early bird, aren't you?", she replied back without startling.

She isn't jumpy, he checked in his mind. He had thought last night, given her story, that maybe the agent had just some form of PTSD and that was what was giving him the bad feeling. Emily had only admitted "that she is struggling" but no details.

"So are you as I see, Gloria. And just Hotch, please.", he replied. He could play along, at least for Emily's shake, and if he warmed up to her, he could get a clearer view.

"Good! All this: agent something this, agent something that, was driving me crazy. Do you want some coffee, Hotch?"

"Sure."

When she brought him a big cup of black coffee with no sugar beside, like she knew he didn't need it because indeed he was drinking his coffee black and no sugar, he made it obvious that he noticed it.

"What did you think that only profilers profile?", she said winking at him, "And I don't have PTSD, Hotch, so you don't need to check for other things besides if I am jumpy by sneaking behind me."

Nice, he thought. The woman was reading him too. Now he was sure that he wasn't only the observer but also the observed.

"So… Emily called, she's gonna be here in an hour or so, we can start without her. I split the cases based on the country that they took place", she continued in professional tone, showing him the folders in the piles on the table and the photos with short notes on a transparent board, "and I put them in chronological order."

"It's better to start from the Rome murders", he proposed taking the three files.

"Oh yeah, you wanted to speak to the undercover agent. So shoot.", she said sitting down beside him, facing him, crossing her legs and leaning on the table.

"How long did you work on that operation?", he started opening the last file.

"Three years almost."

"And you noticed the suspect in the area when?"

"The last three months."

"Before the first murder or after?"

"One day after."

The woman was unnerving him a little. She wasn't giving any further information except what he asked exactly.

"And how?"

"I was frequenting at a bar for "job reasons" and he appeared there frequently."

He looked at her intensely leaning back to his chair. He wasn't going to do continue like this. He was going to press her to say the full story, by herself. She lifted the one corner of her mouth.

"What isn't in the file and you need to know is that you didn't expect a foreigner to pop in a low life bar more than once. He kept to himself and looking around. After his appearance three junkies and two married men that they were coming with women that weren't their wives disappeared. The lawyer had never appeared in that bar but the cop two or three times and the suspect followed him the night he got murdered and you know the rest about the witness and I can say he was reliable."

"Was the policeman at the bar even if he was clean?"

"He was working into a local investigation and they were trying to buy him but he wasn't biting."

"And how are you sure that they didn't kill him because of that?"

"In those occasions they weren't killing anyone. They were just moving to his partner, to his supervisor. Always someone would go for the treat. But that exact guy wasn't the type to betray his job, not even his wife!", she continued smiling ironically.

"And you know this how?", Hotch knew that he was asking something that he didn't really need to know.

"I don't think this is relevant.", Gloria answered folding her arms.

She was getting defensive, he thought and she knew that he was aware of that. The truth is that he wanted to have a closer look to what means "going under", play the bad for too long and mainly for a woman. Maybe in this way he could understand Emily. He knew that other members of his team had judged her, even Morgan had done it in the beginning: "She slept with a terrorist for a profile!", Rossi told him their dialogue. He, himself, never judged her for what she had done, never, because he just couldn't and not because he understood. But now he got the opportunity to examine someone else, that he didn't care if she felt like being judged or questioned and he may understood Emily herself and why she made the choices she made when her story was uncovered, choices that hurt him more that he admitted back then. So he pressed Gloria more.

"The accuracy of this story is vital, it is the reason you started the investigation."

"I was the one who was trying to buy him with more than one treats and I had experience to tell, if you know what I mean. Happy now?", she said, she was offended.

She stood up leaning on the wall still looking at him with her eyebrows raised. She obviously didn't want to share this information with him, with a man and a stranger.

"You know none of us is proud of what we are doing under, Agent Hotchner.", she continued looking to the floor. He held his gaze on her. He had already guessed that Emily had felt embarrassed, too. But know he could see the full toll that this kind of jobs takes to a person.

"And then, how are you...?", he said quietly. Actually he was just thinking out loud and his question wasn't about judging how she is going under but the woman in front of him clearly thought this and she snapped, turning at him.

"Both of us in this room, we aren't exactly saints to judge each other! As far as I heard you are a really quick shot!", she attacked him referring obviously to the fact that he had fired enough kill shots in his career.

Even if he got angry, he restrained himself. He had sounded too rude, even though it wasn't his intention, and Gloria too defeated at the start and he knew he was a jerk. The undercover jobs are extremely vital. The agents that do them should be respected. So he clarified more smoothly.

"I meant how you are coping coming back to some people that know…"

The woman was for a bit stunned and then her eyes softened. She guessed probably why he was asking. He couldn't really tell. Though, she answered in accusing tone.

"It depends to what and whom you are coming back. If you are coming back to a complete professional mess or to whom that suddenly values you psychologically and doesn't see further than his nose, then it is pretty bad."

He could tell that the first part was for herself. He knew from his spying on her and Emily's discussion that the woman was facing difficulties in the office. But the second part? Was she speaking about Emily? The "nose" was "his" nose? He thought that he was quite supportive to Emily. Could she have any other impression?

At that moment Emily appeared at the door and she was surprised to find Gloria standing, looking at Hotch upset and Hotch puzzled.

"Good morning...", she said throwing looks at both of them. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah", Gloria answered. "Your friend there had gotten a little bit too curious. I'll be back in a few. Excuse me.", she said going out.

Emily turned to him.

"Hotch?"

"Nothing,", he said back and he was glad that Emily didn't push the subject.

"**Try to understand men. If you understand each other you will be kind to each other. Knowing a man well never leads to hate and almost always leads to love." ~ John Steinbeck **

_**Hotch trying to learn things about Emily's past not in the most peaceful way…**_

_**And don't accuse Gloria too much for her comment about the shots. She knows that all are good shots. She is just defending herself to a jerk-y Hotch. ;)**_

_**The case continues in the next chapter! Hit the button!**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**(This chapter was also uploaded together with the previous one. Make sure you read the other one before! ;) )**_

**Chapter VIII**

"**Nothing is easier than to denounce the evildoer; nothing is more difficult than to understand him." ~ ****Fyodor Dostoyevsky**

When Gloria got back, Emily had already settled down beside Hotch, just like the old good time. All this was so familiar to him and he had missed it, too much finally. Emily noticed some red post-its stuck on some of the files and some red dots on some photos on the board, that he had missed because of his earlier argument with Gloria.

"Yesterday Agent Hotchner said that their victims were mentioned in law-enforcement files so last night I checked every single one of ours. I had already confirmed some of them so I moved on to all of them. The red dots are for them that they were indeed mentioned and this appears.", Gloria explained sitting down beside Emily this time, showing them the board.

"This is a pattern, guys." Emily said standing up. The old days resurfaced in Hotch's mind. Now, however, Emily looked again more lady-like in black, woolen trousers, much better in quality than the ones she was wearing in FBI, a dark purple shirt, a black suit jacket finely inwrought with a flowery pattern and a pink, silk scarf. He was too upset to notice her outfit when she first arrived. He returned his attention to the board in front of him.

"Only the first or two of the first victims were mentioned in files. The rest no.", she continued.

"His DNA was confirmed on victims mentioned and un-mentioned. So he certainly worked both categories.", Gloria clarified.

"Look at this. The first person killed in each country is mentioned in the files.", Emily said.

"So the first ones maybe consist the actual targets.", Hotch spoke following the women's way of thinking, "The rest of them were they involved in the cases in any way?"

"Not something I could find, except the two in Rome, nothing else popped up and for some of them we can't find anything. Don't expect anyone to give up the dirty things of the politician.", Gloria answered him without looking at him, she hadn't thrown him a glance since she came in.

"All the victims were killed in or around really infamous areas. The question is why did he pick those victims?", Emily asked the question that was in everyone's mind, looking on the board, "Certainly not only because they walked by him in the street that he probably stayed."

"They might frequent in the same place with him, like the bar in Rome.", Gloria thought, "And there is the phrase too…", she continued looking at the words written in the corner of the board: _"By that sin fell the angels"_.

"'That sin'…", Emily read from the board thoughtfully, "Look at this! All the victims were in areas that don't fit. I am a successful, married, small businessman like the third victim in Paris. What do I want and I wander around one of the worst parts of the city?"

"You have something to hide.", Gloria answered.

"Exactly. A bad habit, an affair or I am just looking for a cheap prostitute, I make a sin."

"So the guy killed people just because they were sinners?"

Hotch was paying attention to the conversation and continued going through the files and something started to worry him. The first victims were targeted, the second victims were way too random…

"He selected however the very first victim. He went through files. He picked the target and travelled specifically for it. He had organization, patience, access to database. He arrived there, he killed the target and then he turned disorganized, killed anyone that triggered him and after he turned again organized and moved on to the next target.", he said.

"Like he went on a mission, he snapped but after he returned to another mission, snapped again and the circle goes on.", Emily followed his thought.

"I don't know much about sociopaths but are these sudden changes even possible for one person?", Gloria asked looking at both of them.

"No. I think we have at least one more UnSub. You have the Executioner…"

"But not the Planner.", Gloria added. "The Planner plans the hit and sends the Executioner. He does what he is ordered but he is nuts so he does some work also on his own."

She was getting him. Even all their completely bad relation she was getting him professionally, at least this was good for the job.

"Till the Planner sends him again somewhere else.", Emily added looking at Gloria, And given the randomness of the victims…

"We are looking to even more of them.", Hotch finished.

"And given that he snaps he may not follow the M.O. completely or maybe something interrupt him or he had to kill quickly but always using the same weapon and from behind.", Emily carried on.

"You said that some other people disappeared from the bar that you were in Rome.", Hotch addressed to Gloria.

"They are still missing persons at least the two married men. I don't think that anyone is looking for the junkies."

"We need every single case of attacks from behind with his type of knife around all these areas, any more personal information concerning the victims from the police officers and all the possible accesses to the database maybe it give us something about the Planner.", Emily said in a tone that reminded him of himself again.

"I start making the calls.", Gloria stood up gathering the files.

"I'm going to call them personally. When they hear "Head of Interpol Office" they cooperate fast, believe me.", Emily said smiling. "Gloria, you can fulfill Hotch on the suspect, right now he is our only link to the Planner, after try to find how someone can get the information about the targeted victims."

"Alright.", she answered casually.

Emily took some files and headed to the door. Before exiting she turned to Gloria and Hotch and she said knowingly.

"I don't need to remind you that we have enough murder cases, do I?", and she left.

"I'm not sure of which she is more afraid to become the victim here, you or me", Gloria murmured to him taking another file separated from the others.

Hotch looked at his feet. He wasn't so comfortable but he had to do apologize to the woman for earlier. But she didn't let him the chance as she started speaking.

"So the guy we have in custody. Actually we don't have him, the Met has him."she threw a look at him understanding that he didn't get it and she explained, "The Metropolitan Police I mean. His name is Robert Repard, at least what his passport says. He got arrested for attacking a pregnant woman that was having a drink outside a bar. Yeah, I know not very clever of her part", she added between the lines, "He attacked her from behind with the knife but a passerby stopped him. The woman was shaken but only with a scratch."

"Was the bar in any strange area?"

"It was in Soho, a pretty alternative area but not a bad area. I frequent there myself."

"Were there any similar cases around?"

"No and this is fully checked out."

"She was the first. Was the woman mentioned in any files?", he asked and Gloria shook her head negatively, "He was in a normal area and he snapped by just a pregnant woman drinking. Something is off again…"

"Maybe he is losing it."

"Or we are missing something", he added. "To be here he has to have a reason, a target."

"No one other is killed. He maybe just has family, some other regular reason."

"Did he have a cell phone?", he asked shaking his head.

"Nope. He had only 20 pounds on him, the knife and absolutely nothing else."

Hotch was thinking that all this was far too bad. Their only link couldn't give anything actually.

"Did he tell anything?", he carried on.

"The police officers tried to make him talk but he isn't saying anything except "I did nothing wrong". You can try if you want."

"Did you try?"

"I can't. The guy has seen me undercover. Until we clear who he is, he mustn't see me in person. I don't want to "die" and fly to the other side of the world. I have enough problems."

She was referring to Emily's "death", Hotch assumed. His phone rang. He recognized Garcia's number and she put it on speaker.

"Good morning Garcia, he said, You are on speaker. Agent Paterson is with me."

"Good morning, my captain on English grounds! Oh wait! Good afternoon! It is after 12 there, isn't it?", Garcia answered cheerfully.

"Yeah, Penelope but we forgive you", Gloria said smiling at the phone.

"Oh! Glorious Emily's friend! How are you, my love?"

"Fine, Pen, thanks! How are you?", she laughed.

"Well-well! Is gum-drop around too?"

"You would have heard her.", Gloria replied.

"Oh bad! Glory, isn't our boss-man the best in the world! I don't mean in general… because you have the best boss-woman in the world! I mean the best of the boss-men.", Garcia tried to clarified with enthusiasm.

"You tell me!", Gloria replied teasingly.

"What do you have Garcia?", Hotch intervened.

"Nothing and something, Sir", she said gathering herself, "This means that nothing came up for your mystery-man. But: I noticed something weird and I mean really weird. The date that his passport seems to be issued some others were issued too and here comes the best part: all the names with the starting letters RR."

Both Hotch and Gloria were looking at the phone surprised.

"Garcia, dig as deep as you can get.", he ordered casually.

"Sir, you know what this may mean…", Garcia replied confused.

"I know. Keep me posted.", he said back.

"Always at you service!", Garcia replied and he ended the call.

"What the hell? RR may be name code for…", Gloria said still staring on his hand holding the phone.

"Secret services. The Planner may be higher than we are thinking.", he said putting the phone in his pocket and exchanging a glance with the woman in front of him.

"**Remember 007, shadows always remain in front or behind, never on top…" ~ M (The world is not enough – 1999)**

_**Ok… This was the longest chapter ever…**_

_**Spoiler: The next chapter is gonna be Emily's and Hotch's dinner. Let's take a break from secret Planners and Executioners to see what is going on with the couple.**_

_**What do you think? Review to let me know!**_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter IX**

"**This melancholy London - I sometimes imagine that the souls of the lost are compelled to walk through its streets perpetually. One feels them passing like a whiff of air." ~ William Butler Yeats **

The whole day passed rather quickly and without any radical result. Emily checked with the local police authorities. Their theory was confirmed. The first targets were mentioned in files and the police officers had the idea that some of them were guiltier than it was proved. The most of the rest of victims seemed to have affairs or other suspicious meetings around the area they were killed. They had indeed a killer of sinners and the board now had at least sixty cases in Europe, plus fourteen Americans on it. They were waiting for any DNA evidence to run. As for the discovery of the Planner, it didn't seem to go anywhere at all. The access to the database was only through Interpol or other similar agencies and there was no official request for any of the files. The Planner had sneaked in or he was part of them and that last was worrying Hotch the most. The man in custody didn't talk to him either. They assumed that if he was in a target mission, the Planner had to contact him somehow, but without a phone or address or anything else there was no lead. Gloria thought of checking every CCTV around the area he was caught if she could find something. At the end of the day Emily proposed to him to go somewhere and have some food, take their mind off the case for a bit.

And here they were, walking towards an Italian restaurant that Emily had promised him that it had amazing food and view. They were walking without talking for some time, the only sound between them, above that of the London streets, was the sound of her heels hitting on the pavement. He had missed even hearing her steps but mostly that heat of her body beside him, that was becoming more intense each time she accidentally bumped to his side while trying to make their way through the busy sidewalks. Why did he let her fly to other side of the world? Why didn't he hold her? Why didn't he grab all his chances? Because he knew that he wasn't that boy and she wasn't that girl. He wasn't the man to start a relationship with his subordinate, she wasn't the woman to have an affair with her boss. If she ever was interested and even if they had found another way around - he knew that after Stauss' drinking problem, he could take a promotion, the bound that was formed some years ago, when Strauss said that neither Emily nor he could go upper the ladder, was broken -, he would have still remained her superior. Both they were too proud, too career driven for messing with something like this. And for Someone's up there in the sky laughing, this issue was solved by putting the whole Atlantic Ocean between them…

"London is quite easy to navigate, isn't it?", Emily started the conversation once they turned to a quieter street.

"It's because of the river, I think", he answered.

"Funny thing, Gloria says the same. Me, I think it's because of the buildings. Once you know where every special building is, you know the city, at least the centre."

With the mention of the other woman's name Hotch thought about their morning argument. He had wondered for some moments during the day, if Emily had felt to the same level as Gloria, embarrassed, defeated, broken, when that story with Doyle was finished and after, when she came back to them knowing that they knew. She hadn't shown anything and he was pretty aware that neither the other woman would have, if there hadn't been other conditions around. He knew that Emily's return in the BAU wasn't her issue. Who was going to be angry with her being alive? The blame for the lie of her "death" he took it all on him. Them knowing the rest was the issue. She fought so hard to show them that she was nothing like Lauren Reynolds or like the person who agreed to play her. She was having bad days because of her real almost death, the haunting for months by Doyle, she was talking to him, but she never went too personal, said anything else. Damn her ability to compartmentalize everything. Oh God help, if she was anywhere near that point frustrated… Then maybe it was good for her that she left and if she was happy here, he should leave it like this, because when you love someone, you should be able to let them go, if it's for their good. What did he just think? "Love"?

"Here is the London Bridge but I guess you've seen it before", Emily said interrupting the way of his thoughts and looking at him.

"Oh yeah", he murmured.

He could say that she got concerned seeing his thoughtful eyes but she didn't say anything. They crossed the Bridge and arrived at the restaurant. They sat at a table beside the window. She was right, the view was nice. The bridge and the Tower were on their left, the Thames and its opposite bank spread out in front of them and around there were old brown tile buildings that used to be storehouses and they were turned into blocks of flats still keeping the cranes on the walls. They ordered the food and a bottle of wine. He poured the wine into their glasses. After a while Emily touched his hand and looked him in the eyes tenderly.

"Hotch, with all this I didn't get the chance to ask: how are you?"

Hotch smiled. She was right. They had spent two days speaking about killers and other people except themselves. He put his other hand over hers to keep it there a little longer. Normally he wouldn't have done that but his previous thoughts had an effect on him.

"I'm fine I think.", he answered simply.

"How is Beth?", Emily asked and he got from her tone that she just did it out of politeness as always with the particular subject.

"Fine, I guess. We broke up.", he added, looking at their hands, none of them had moved them.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Hotch.", she sounded like she was really sorry, he knew that she wanted the best for him too.

"It was the job.", he added quickly and he paused, "I missed you.", he admitted for the very first time out loud, "But I'm not the one with the changes. How are you?", he turned the subject to her.

"OK", she replied taking her hand back, he didn't know if it was his admittance that made her do this. "I am getting used to the job and the city."

"And how is it going?"

"Pretty well", she said neutrally.

"Does London feel like home?", he pressed.

"I think it's pretty early to say something like this. Between the many hours of the job and the moving in I haven't thought about it much.", she replied honestly.

After the waiter that brought their food left, she smiled and continued.

"You know sometimes I think that there is no problem with the places, the cities. It's just me. I hated when we moved around as a kid, but as it seems it is the only thing I am used to do."

"Maybe you need a reason to settle down somewhere.", he said.

"I am not so sure that any "reason" needs me though.", she confessed biting her lip and taking a sip from the wine.

How could she think of that? He would be honored to be "that reason" and he needed her more than he ever admitted. The conversation over the food was lighter. They talked about her new flat, Sergio who didn't seem to like the British accent, how she was glad that she met Gloria again, Morgan and Garcia's visit, some small trips around. She seemed comfortable in England but Hotch didn't get the feeling that everything was perfect. It was just normal, like in DC. They laughed with some funny incidents from the BAU that he narrated. She still longed for the others, like someone longs for their family in another country. He noticed she never mentioned anything about a man. But he knew from his spying that there should be someone she wished him here and he had come…

When they finished their meal, they went out to walk a little bit. Gloria had called and said that nothing came back from the video footage. It was raining lightly and only Emily had her umbrella with her. He offered to hold it and they were walking too close to fit below it. Maybe it was this closeness that made him finally ask one of the questions that tortured him all those evenings in his office over a cup of tea.

"Emily, what did we do wrong when you got back?"

"Nothing Hotch... Where did this come from?", she answered confused.

"Emily you were looking for a way to escape. This job offer was that way."

"I told you back then. It wasn't you. It was me. I wanted a fresh start. I didn't want to escape from anything", she replied not very convincingly.

"You could have done a fresh start anywhere around us. With your skills you could have taken any place around, even in New York, anywhere around Washington. But you left everything behind, you obviously wanted to escape from something."

She looked to the ground. She knew that he had a point. He had thought enough about it to know that he was right.

"Why Emily? Why did you have to go so far? Why didn't you want any of us around? What did we do so wrong?"

"Hotch… I…", she struggled to answer and she walked to the banister not bothering about the rain. He followed her and stood beside her. She was escaping again and this time from the conversation.

"What did I do so wrong?", he continued in a low voice.

"Nothing… I was wrong about something, Hotch, and I had to run away before it consumed me, at least what it had left of me... But it still…", she replied avoid looking at him.

"What were you wrong about?", he was getting confused. What was she trying to tell?

Instead of an answer she hugged him. She fell into his chest and he, even stunned and still puzzled, put his free hand on her back. It was the second time in his life he got the chance to feel her onto his body. He longed so much for this warmth, this calmness, this smoothness. He could hear her taking deep breaths, her face hidden in the crook of his neck. Running his hand up and down her back, he bent his head into her hair and he breathed her scent like it was the last air left on Earth. He could feel through his hand her heart beating hard, that heart that he fought and would fight even harder to keep it beating. And that heart was hurting for something that he hadn't fully understood and he had to ease that pain, so he spoke softly:

"Emily, when you got back, you were confused sentimentally, maybe…"

She pulled back abruptly and he understood that opening his mouth to say this was a big mistake. She took a few steps away from him and her eyes got cold. She shook her head, biting her lip, looking towards the Thames in front of them.

"You know, Ria says something about profilers and she is right."

"What does she say?", he asked. The tendency of that name to pop up in moments like this annoyed him.

"That we are so much into the profiling stuff that we forget that apart from the profiles there are other things. People, including us, don't have only characteristics, psychology, behaviors and so on. They have feelings, feelings that they hide or follow for their whole damn lives and sometimes they do both…"

He wasn't so sure about where all this was going.

"How would you profile me, Hotch? Let me tell you, as an ambitious, professional woman that can compartmentalize better than most people".

"Emily you are a lot more…", he tried to say.

"Let's focus on these.", she cut him off and continued like she was stating matters of fact, "And you would be right. Do you know why I got into the Doyle's story? For my ambitions. I screwed myself for my ambitions. But when Strauss gave me the opportunity to go upper, I couldn't screw you. I never showed too big emotion, but, when Matthew died, I came crying to your office ready to spill another embarrassing moment of my life in front of you. I never missed a case even if I was injured, ill or any other personal matters, but I escaped an urgent case to go look for you when you didn't show up. All these don't fit in the profile, do they? And I wasn't "confused" back then!", and with this she ran away from him and disappeared, before what she had just said sunk in.

She left him there understanding that, if years ago, even moments ago, he had followed his heart to just shut his mind down and kiss her, he would have achieved happiness. But he was Hotch, the reserved, logic freak who analyzed everything, giving her the impression that she was wrong, that what she was feeling didn't have any response back. He knew that she was his last glimpse to happiness. Life passes too quickly and they had run out of chances. He let them slip through his hands. He did one mistake tonight and he had done another some months ago, a bigger one and he didn't know exactly what- it couldn't be just the other woman, he had done something to Emily personally -, that sent her to the other side of the globe.

She left him there still holding her own umbrella, leaving it to protect him as she always did, even if it was just from a light London rain. The bell from Tower Bridge was ringing. The Bridge was going to open. Hotch had heard that you should be really lucky to catch it. But he had stopped believing in luck so many years ago…

"**It's no use carrying an umbrella, if your shoes are leaking." ~ Irish Proverb**

_**Poor Hotch… But those speaking skills of him don't really help him, do they? What has he done wrong?**_

_**Spoiler: He is going to learn his mistake after some radical events in the next chapter!**_

_**That was finally the longest chapter till now and, as far as I can say, the rest of them are going to be long as well.**_

_**P.S.1: As you noticed I stopped using dash marks for the dialogues. I got one review complaining and I thought that maybe I am making your life difficult. Sorry! Moreover, I should apologize for any grammar mistakes. I have noticed myself a few in previous chapters. I am not a native English speaker and I don't live in UK for too long, but I don't consider myself pretty bad in writing correctly. However, sometimes I can't avoid some errors mainly with the mixing of the tenses of the verbs. Sorry for this too! Please let me know if something is too bad!**_

_**P.S.2: I am one of the lucky ones! I have seen the London Bridge opening the first time I ever got there! And the descriptions are 100% real! :D**_

_**So! What are you thinking? Review-review! Please!**_


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter X**

"**There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless." ~ John Barrymore**

It was three thirty when Hotch decided that there was no possibility of sleeping that night. He kept turning in his hotel bed thinking about which his mistake with Emily was. He had introduced Beth to the team. He had shown that he was moving on and he regretted it at that very moment. But what could he have done? He knew that given the rules and his and Emily's pride nothing could have happened. He had thought that this was his conviction for not being able to express his feelings, for the troubled kid he was hiding inside, for failing multiple times with the mother of his son: to just stay his whole life in a distance of a breath from a woman that he knew that he could take him all, but to never be able to cross that gap, just because he was he and she was she, met under conditions that they didn't want to overcome. Beth looked so much like Emily so he had thought that maybe he could use a substitute. He was a man, also, and that whole lack of a certain action for a quite long time had blurred his judgment. With Emily he maintained the place of the supporting boss and friend. Which mistake had he made with this though? He had regretted too many times that he wasn't the one to track down Doyle. But he knew that his team would have never given up and they needed a leader not fired to have their backs. He had already pulled every single string allowed to help her recover and disappear. She knew that. Which was his fault?

He went to the Interpol Office the earliest he could. There was no point to hang around his room anymore. He felt like a caged lion angry to no one but himself. That day he had the lecture. He didn't like those kinds of things at all but at least he could take his mind off. They had to focus on the case afterwards. He arrived in the entrance of the building only to find Gloria outside smoking. He wondered if that woman ever slept.

"Good morning!", she greeted him.

"Morning", he spat back without any tendency to stand there and have any conversation.

"Wow… Someone woke up from the wrong side of the bed…", he heard her murmuring and he turned giving her a death glare. To his surprise he was met with a sympathetic set of eyes but he was too occupied to think and went inside.

The lecture was ok. It was almost two o'clock and he was about to conclude when Gloria knocked the door and entered without waiting for an answer.

"Sorry for the interruption, guys. Hotch, we have a problem."

He finished the lecture in no time and headed downstairs to the Metropolitan Police floors. He wasn't expecting to happen what had already happened. How could a man in custody be killed? Their suspect was dead! The whole police bullpen was extremely busy. He spotted Gloria but he couldn't see Emily around. He entered the cell, the guy was lying dead beside an empty tray.

"Emily is out for something irrelevant that had to do with an embassy. She is already in her way back.", Gloria guessed his thoughts lifting from the floor.

"What happened?", he asked.

"It looks like he was poisoned with his food. He was clearly Interpol's prisoner. We take any evidence.", Gloria said to him when her phone rang. "That's Emily again." She answered taking a few steps away.

"Are you for the dead prisoner?", an officer asked him.

"Yes? Agent Hotchner, the liaison with the FBI", he addressed to the young man.

"This is the list of who spoke with him the last four days.", the officer informed giving him the list.

Actually he wasn't the proper person to take him evidence but his instincts told him to overlook that. Hotch went through the two A4 pages. Nothing was irregular until he reached the final name. He knew from the beginning that something was wrong…

"Please gather any evidence and bring them up, regarding Emily Prentiss, Head of the office.", he told the young man quickly.

"OK, Sir", the police officer answered and left him.

He went towards Gloria that had just finished the phone call and grabbed her by the arm.

"We have to talk.", he told her strictly.

"What the…", she tried to protest.

"I don't want to make a scene, just come with me.", he ordered her.

She obeyed and followed him upstairs. Once they entered the room where they were working, he shut the door. Gloria turned to him angry and confused.

"What is going on?"

"You tell me what is going on, Agent Paterson.", he told her harshly. He wanted answers and quickly.

"Without a question I can't elaborate you, Agent Hotchner.", she answered him dismissively raising her eyebrows.

"Did you speak to that man in custody?"

"Of course not. I told you I can't."

"Are you sure?"

"How can't I be?", her tone was ironic. Her attitude was unnerving him even more.

"So how can you explain to me that your are listed as his last visitor?", he raised a little his voice, showing her the list that the officer had given him.

"What?!", she was surprised, at least she seemed so. She looked into the list herself. Hotch knew that he couldn't rely on reading her behavior. She was a trained liar. That was for sure.

"Did you speak to him?", he said strictly and sharply.

"I told you. Never.", she spat back looking him in the eye.

"So are you saying that you never went to his cell? Your name just appeared minutes before the man got killed!", he said not convinced.

"Are you interrogating me, Agent Hotchner?", she said leaning back to the wall. "I don't think that you have any authority for doing that." She seemed pretty untouched by his tone, another thing he wasn't very used to. It normally worked with agents and the majority of unsubs.

"It's only a matter of time before they decide that the man was going o be released to the American authorities. Then we can have a proper official interrogation.", he answered her underlining the word "official". He knew that it wasn't only if she spoke to him. He fell dead just after. There was no obvious motive but it seemed pretty bad…

"Am I just guessing or the real question in that head of yours is if I did kill him?", she told him putting her hands on the table bending closer to him. Actually the fact that she continued the argument surprised him. He was expecting her to react by not.

"Did you know the suspect?"

Gloria tilted her head and shook it in disappointment. Hotch didn't know if it was because she hoped he wouldn't think that far or because he was into something and she was getting caught. He used her lack of answer to his advantage.

"The man was killed under police custody and he had an accomplice that as it seems he works for international agencies. I need to know if …!", he continued knowing that he was taking a very long shot. If he hadn't been in so bad mood with everything, maybe he wouldn't have taken it. There was no base for something like this.

"Woah! Hold your gears over there!", she cut him off and at this point he could say that he had broke her. He could only see simple frustration.

"From the beginning something doesn't fit, Agent! You started an investigation after a witness that doesn't exist! Did you know anything more?", he said raising his voice again.

"Oh yeah… I knew him.", she answered in lower voice and her left hand went to the three buttons keeping her flannel shirt closed over a black cotton blouse. "The last time I met him he gave me this!", she continued taking off the shirt and turning her back to him.

That was the day of surprises, he was very aware of that at that moment. Her blouse was open till the middle of her back. Three diagonal scars were on the right side. The three edges of the lines were close, almost over her spine. The cuts opened like rays, the upper was shorter not reaching her shoulder, the others continuing below her blouse and considering the bad condition of the scars the cuts should have been very deep. They were just like those of the victims…

"There was one last case in Rome, mine, of which there is no record. He didn't know I was an agent. He was just after the character I played." Gloria continued sitting on a chair not bothering to put her shirt back on. "He came from behind and overpowered me. A junkie disturbed him and he didn't finish but I think he still believed that he killed me."

Hotch felt a little bad for the woman. He knew how it was to meet with a blade… But he still didn't trust her. She had covered this whole this story. She had lied to everyone, including Emily and him, and opened an investigation that she was too involved in it. He had to push her now that she seemed vulnerable.

"And that's why you went to him today?"

"I didn't go down there, Agent Hotchner. Believe it or not!"

He examined her carefully. Her training was coming back. She raised her eyebrows.

"What's going on? Do I suddenly fit the profile of the snapping, unstable agent who wants to disturb your case? I brought you here for God's shake!"

At that moment Emily entered the room. Their argument could be heard from outside judging by her upset face. She saw Gloria with the scars exposed. The other woman didn't turn her head. Instead she put her face between her hands, the elbows on the table. Emily seemed to imagine what had happened and to another Hotch's surprise she didn't look like she didn't know.

"Hotch, I need to talk to you.", she just said simply without looking at him directly.

He followed her outside of the room into her office and before she turned to him he asked her stunned:

"Did you know?"

"Yeah, Hotch. I knew.", she said folding her arms avoiding to look at him. The situation between them was already complicate and they had serious stuff to deal with. How could the things become so messy?

"You covered all this up.", he couldn't believe it that she had made such a decision.

"I'm the one who told her to cover her own story when I saw that something was definitely wrong, that it wasn't just an attack in the street.", she carried on.

He shook his head in disappointment. Emily's move was completely reckless.

"The cases would have never opened, if we dared to say that it started from an agent so much involved in it. We are not FBI here Hotch! We need permissions from people above, from local authorities, governments even!", Emily continued finally making eye contact with him and getting angrier by the judgment that she knew it was in his head, "She was the only link and just one of the random victims. I kept an eye on the case. She was doing the good! Those crazy guys were killing people around the world, Hotch! I couldn't risk the case to disappear in a steaming bureaucracy path!"

He could understand at some point. She never changed, screwing the politics, the rules for the greater good. But still something was hurting him.

"Why didn't you tell me personally?"

"I was planning to do so after what happened today. In any occasion I didn't have any tendency to obstruct the case, Hotch. We didn't have.", she added underlining the "we".

"Why didn't you trust me with this from the start, Emily?", he should tell her about the visiting list, prove her that she maybe was wrong, but at that point their personal unsolved issues surfaced. For the first time in his life he let his personal feelings take the priority.

"Because we both know that you don't cope so well with this type of stories. You are too prejudiced, Hotch, with these bios.", she stated as a matter of fact and he knew that she was putting herself too in those bios. "You wouldn't even be here if you knew. You wouldn't trust the facts because you see her like a messed up person, like the rest of us."

"Emily, I didn't see you like a messed up person!", he was dumbfound. How had she that idea?

"You did Hotch!" she shouted at him, her eyes throwing fires. It was too long since her anger was addressed to him, since he disappointed her by stopping her friend's case. But then he was her supervisor, she couldn't protest more. Now, there was no hierarchy between them, just suppressed thoughts, feelings and tension and last night's events only accentuated them. "The moment you valued that I gave you that advice for Jack because I was trying to get your trust back! You didn't think of anything else, not even for a single moment. You put your damn reliability in danger for me, Hotch! You got me back by your side the moment I walked in again! You never thought that I had no reason to think that you didn't trust me! But for you I was just an agent with issues!"

And then it hit him. That case was the thing that Gloria was thanking Emily about. Her story was what Emily was hiding, the man she wished to be there was him and that last quote of hers was his mistake and he felt like a fool…

"**There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn't true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true." ~ ****Søren Kierkegaard**

_**That was Hotch's mistake… I think there is some logic here. He actually shouldn't have valued her like this. About her attention to the others, yes, he was right, but about him it wasn't the same. To help you remember I am referring to their discussion about the sessions with her therapist, the famous "bad day" discussion. **_

_**I couldn't ignore the temptation to put an interrogating scene with Hotch! That man is hot when he questions a suspect and he is angry! :D **_

_**I haven't thanked yet all of you that follow and read my story and write all those good and encouraging reviews! THANK YOU, guys! I am happy that you enjoy it!**_

_**The next chapter will continue exactly from the spot we are left here!**_

_**Spoiler: The relationship between the couple is completely messed up but they have to cooperate for the case and trust is going to be tested…**_

_**Review- Review!**_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter XI**

"**Sometimes it takes a good fall to really know where you stand." ~ ****Hayley Williams**

"Emily…", what should Hotch say? That he had turned a blind eye to her first actual action to reach out for him, without even realizing it? Because he had thought so much about it and had concluded that he would never get a chance with her? Because he was, yeah, too much concerned with her psychological state and it didn't even pass his mind that she had actually made a move on him? Oh God! He had sensed something that evening on the plane when she approached him and told him "I felt something was wrong.", but then he just got into the analyzing mode, put it down in psychology, traumas and behaviors…

"Emily, then I was concerned…"

"I'm sorry.", she started regretting her bursting out, turning her back to him, "I know you were just concerned.", she said underlining the "just" but without a tone of accusation but a tone of defeat.

He had to correct her. At least he had to show something, stop hiding but she didn't leave him any time.

"What did it happen and Gloria told you? I had said her to wait for me.", she carried on shifting into her professional mode. They didn't have only a messed up relationship, they had a messed up case in their hands, too.

"Regarding the prisoner's visitors list she is the last to see him and the man fell dead forty minutes after, poisoned.", he told her giving her the list. "She claims that she never went downstairs."

"There should be another explanation then.", Emily replied.

"Emily, you know as well as me that this doesn't look good. How much sure are you that she isn't deep enough in the case to snap?"

"Hotch, first she isn't silly to leave her name behind, if she ever kills someone! Second, she has passed every psychological evaluation on the map! I see her every day. I hang out with her. Don't you think I would have seen if something was too wrong? I used to be a profiler, you know.", she was getting again upset. He knew she valued his opinion and she was uncomfortable with him criticizing. But he had to.

The thing was that something else was happening, too, and he started to acknowledge it. Emily was behaving like the old Emily, again. He hadn't noticed it just a few minutes ago because he was too preoccupied with all the rest but at that moment he could see it clearly. When Emily had come back from her leave, she was too calm, too passive. She was missing her normal nerve. But now the woman in front of him had it again. She was again the fighter and the stubborn person she always was. That was good. He couldn't say how she changed but he was happy. It was a good to be herself again, the woman that he loved… However, he had to continue with their argument and with the old Emily it was going to be more difficult.

"I am not questioning your decision but I am questioning her stability.", he said smoothly.

"Which I took in mind for my decision!"

"She is your friend…", he had already guessed what was coming.

"And what? Am I too involved? Do you think that I see her like myself and that clouds my judgment? What does your psychology knowledge say again, Hotch?"

"Emily, she has nothing to do with you!", he continued still in his professional tone. They couldn't go to the same direction. "She is a trained liar, she knows how to deceive and my psychology knowledge says that she is hypervigilant and she hides it. She has clear issues with authority. I can't still figure out what else is off with her and I've seen too much!"

"Your profile was really that bad. Hotch, you have to trust me with her!"

"She has been undercover for five times! The facts blur and you are aware of what effect such a high number operations can have on someone's mental state!"

She bent her head moving her head from side to side. She doubted him but she also her agent. He knew that he could influence her, make her see.

"Nevertheless, we can't continue if we don't exclude all the possibilities.", he added.

"I'll talk to her.", she said comprising finally, she always trusted his judgment. "She will open up to me. With you she gets too defensive and believe me, she spoke because she wanted to. Don't think that you made her do it."

When Emily went for the door knob, he touched her arm softly noticing her shivering a little.

"And Emily, I was and I am never just concerned with you.", he said in low voice, underlining the word "just", mimicking her way of pronouncing the sentence at the start. "I need you to know that…"

She turned and looked him in the eyes, big and in question. But she turned again opening the door and escaping his touch.

They entered the room. Gloria was still sat, her shirt still on the table. She turned her head to them. Hotch sat at the corner of the table. Emily sat opposite her.

"Gloria, I'm sorry that you had to tell the story alone to Hotch."

"Not a big deal, Emily.", she answered casually. "He wanted his answers and the facts were quicker than us."

She eyed him but he could see that she was more relaxed with Emily. Maybe she trusted her really.

"Your name on the list is weird, you know that." Emily continued neutrally.

"Oh yeah… And I didn't even pass from their floor today.", she replied thoughtfully, "My name is on the case file of the guy though. Whoever did it he used it. He had looked through files before."

"The fact is we lost the only lead. Maybe we should have tried what we had considered. If he had seen that he didn't kill you, maybe it would have thrown him off his game and make him talk."

"You said no.", Gloria corrected her but without any accusation in her tone.

"I said no because there was a specific danger."

"He wasn't a part of those guys. There wasn't any actual danger I've told you."

So Emily had ordered her to stay away from the guy. She didn't seem to follow orders too well. Hotch had understood what was Emily's strategy. She wanted to make her admit whatever she had done by saying her that it was ok. He almost smiled. He had missed her "compassionate" techniques. She was trying to lure an answer but the woman didn't seem to be aware. Hotch was grateful that Emily talked to her. If he had tried himself, the World War III would have broken loose till that moment… However, she should have been aware that Emily wasn't stupid. If she was hiding something, her instincts would have kicked in. If she wasn't faking it and actually biting the bait, that could only mean one thing: she had nothing to hide.

"Exactly." , Emily continued, "Are you sure you didn't take any initiative?"

"Emily how many times I didn't follow your orders?", Gloria was getting confused, really confused and not frustrated.

"Actually, I got a feeling that you wanted to prove him that he didn't beat you, that you survived. That's why I said no. It's logical you know, the guy cut you almost to death, he left you with permanent problem.", Emily continued and Hotch knew that now she was trying to provoke her.

"You know very well that I wouldn't have the damage, if I had been found earlier and you know very well if someone had moved his ass quicker…", and then it seemed that it hit her. She leaned back to the chair disappointed, "Are you questioning me, you too?", she looked betrayed and she gave him a glare. "You made her doubt.", she told him. Emily bent her head.

"A pair of objective eyes doesn't harm, agent", Hotch started.

"Objective? Good luck with believing that!" she said back and for a moment he was stunned. Could she see that he wasn't too objective with Emily? Emily never thought that he had feelings for her so she couldn't have said anything.

"I can't even believe that I'm getting caught between this.", she moved her finger between him and Emily. "Emily, he is getting overprotective because he thinks I'm a threat to you. And obviously his opinion blurs yours. I knew it, damn it! I knew it from the moment he landed.", she said, not in an aggressive tone to Hotch's surprise. She wasn't attacking Emily.

"Gloria…", Emily tried to cut her off and from her tone of voice Hotch could tell that she was already feeling bad for baiting her friend.

He couldn't let the other woman turn the game, however. Gloria looked him in the eye. She spoke before he had the chance and to his surprise she changed subject:

"As long as you influence my boss' opinion, Agent Hotchner, let me tell you something: If I wanted to blame someone for my condition, the man downstairs was the last one."

"How does that…?", he said rising his eyebrows. He could see Emily rubbing her temple annoyed.

"Hotch, she is right!" Emily interrupted him looking at him. Then he remembered what she had told him the first day at her office. Clyde left her uncovered. He didn't like the man but was there any possibility to prevent this? The woman got in a serial killer's path, there was no way to predict this. But yeah many times the agents blame their leaders for not predicting the unpredictable. He was, however, puzzled that Emily seemed to share the opinion. She continued standing up and glared him and Gloria.

"We have already lost too much time arguing. We have to figure out what the hell happened and stop questioning each other.", she was taking the lead and Hotch didn't see only the old Emily in front of him but he saw someone that had started to look too much like him, too.

"That's the first right thing said today.", Gloria said, getting up to put her shirt on.

"Wait a minute.", Hotch told her having a second look at her scars.

"What's the matter, Hotch?", Emily said and then seeing where his eyes were.

"These are the three initial cuts.", he started looking at Emily that she understood.

"You mean that it's like he wanted to...", he could say that she was looking for a right verb, " to do something specific… Maybe a wing. The angels fell…"

"His way of cutting was bizarre from the start. But on the dead victims it isn't obvious because of the open and multiple cuts. The phrase meant much more. They have religious motive", Hotch stated.

"Yeah… Thank you for informing me that I have an angel wing carved on my back…", Gloria said using the right verb herself, putting her shirt on and sitting down again.

Emily looked at her concerned. The truth was that she was a victim and they had violated everything from her physical wounds to her psychological ones and he had made her friend turn against her for some minutes. But he wasn't feeling too bad. She started it, she should deal with it. His phone rang .He answered it putting on speaker. It was Garcia:

"Go ahead, Garcia."

"Good afternoon, my captain! To who else do I have the honor to speak to?

"All of us", Emily said.

"Wow! I'm so proud to speak to the whole English squad!"

"Go ahead, Garcia", Emily told her.

"Did I just hear the same sentence with the same tone just different voice?", Penelope asked confused. They should have sounded too much alike. Gloria threw a look at them standing side by side over the phone.

"Anyway!", Garcia continued, "For the news coming we should pay our thankful respects to Rossi for persuading the Ice Queen to do some phone calls."

"Dave "persuaded" a woman? How am I not surprised?", Gloria said and laughed a bit. Her tendency to change moods too quickly was one thing that he didn't like but at that moment he was enough surprised with her knowing what she knew and he tried to kick out of his mind any weird images… He noticed also that Emily was smiling, not surprised. How that woman didn't know that Rossi wasn't in retirement if she had talked with Emily about him? Anyway, that was the last problem of his.

"Then you know how the old man is with ladies, Glory! As I've said, I noticed yesterday that really odd thing with the names starting with RR. I checked the rest and all of them they are nowhere to be found. I mean they are only birth certificates and passports.", Garcia carried on.

"Just a moment. All of them?", Gloria said. "Hotch we had thought secret services but when you go under with an alias you don't normally need any birth certificate. They are Witness Protection Program."

"I knew you are always gloriously brilliant, my love, just like me!", Garcia laughed. "Here comes the rest of the story: Thanks to Rossi I got some access to WPP. So it appears that your mystery man is Larry Foster, a priest from Vegas."

"Religious and from the city of the first murders. Sinful city…", Emily said.

"Why was he in witness protection, Garcia?", Hotch asked.

"His church was in a pretty bad area and when I say bad, I mean really bad. He witnessed the killing of an elite gang member and he started receiving threat letters."

"Hotch, all the American victims were mentioned in files, none of them not." Emily said.

"The three first of them in the case file he was a witness. Ah and he disappeared two years after going into the program!", Penelope added.

"Garcia, look for any law enforcement agents mentioned in his file. Look for anyone that the justice system failed him and he had great involvement in religious organizations.", Hotch ordered.

"Whatever you want, my kind Sir! Take care of the girls!" Garciareplied and ended the call.

"Nice. Now that we have a name we don't have the man.", Emily said.

"But he was obviously killed to shut his mouth. Anyway, I'm going to see how that poisoned food ended up in his mouth.", Gloria added standing up.

"The thing is did the Planner come here just to do this? If so, maybe now he is flying to who knows where.", Emily thought out loud.

"There is another possibility.", Hotch answered. The two women looked at him in question.

"That he lives here?", Emily tried to follow his thought, "They started from US. That's where they met. The Planner should be American."

"That he was here earlier." Gloria said. For another time, Hotch was thinking that at least that when it came to the job they were fully tuned in. "The guy had no cash almost, no tickets, no Oyster card but he was well groomed and according to witnesses he was in the area for three days. He was staying with someone."

Hotch nodded.

"This means only one thing…", Emily started.

"That the Planner is in London…", Gloria continued.

"And he has been here from the start." Hotch finished.

"**He who has rejected his demons badgers us to death with his angels" ~ ****Henri Michaux**

_**Phew… Tough chapter… Trying to keep the tension of the previous without resolving it was difficult, because, you know, there is a reason for everything. ;)**_

_**(*Oyster Card is the card to get into public transportation in London.)**_

_**Spoiler: The Planner has a very specific target…**_

_**As it seems we are gonna have other four or five chapters, plus a Christmas Epilogue!**_

_**What are you thinking? Review- Review! Please!**_


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter XII**

"**Either you run the day or the day runs you.****"****Jim Rohn**

The next morning when Hotch got out of his hotel, he had the strange feeling that someone was watching him. He had returned to the hotel too late the previous night having the same feeling. He didn't know if it was just an idea derived from his tiredness, the case or actually someone was there. The whole previous afternoon was spent to understand more about their Planner, how he was picking the first victims. If he was in London, even before his partner got arrested, that meant that he had a very specific target and he was going to pursue it. They had to figure out which this target was before he reached it, otherwise they were going to lose him for good. They were going through every single file of the cases at three in the morning when Emily proposed him to go to his hotel, have a little rest. He didn't refuse. He needed a shower and a shaving.

When he arrived in the Office four hours later he didn't find anyone in the room that they were working. He headed to Emily's office and he almost smiled at what he saw through the glass window. The two women were asleep, Emily in her chair and Gloria on the sofa. Gloria was sleeping on her back, her left arm over her head, her legs hanging from the couch arm. The folder had dropped to the floor beside her. Emily was curled on the chair. She had taken her shoes off, she had her legs bent on the chair and she was leaning to her right. Hotch remembered all those nights in the jet when he watched her sleeping. He used to do it when all the others were asleep too. She was so peaceful when she was sleeping on the plane on the way home, she made him forget of all the terror they had witnessed during the case…

He had to wake them up. They should rush. That was just an understatement. The moment he turned the doorknob, Gloria almost jumped to the slight noise. He knew that she wasn't as ok as she was saying. Her back should have hurt from the abrupt movement judging from her expression. She looked at him annoyed rubbing her eyes. Yesterday makeup was already gone.

"Oh Gosh… I had better awakenings…", she murmured standing up. He raised his eyebrows in a way to tell her that he didn't do anything. "I'm gonna make some coffee.", she said to him in low voice averted her eyes from him. She got out quietly.

He turned to the sleeping Emily that didn't seem disturbed by anything. He approached her chair from the left. He leaned on her desk taking a few moments more just watching her. He had to fix what he had done, but he wasn't sure if he could find any courage. He wasn't good with this stuff. He tried to speak smoothly. She couldn't hear him but at least he had to try to say it to himself. In this way when everything was finished maybe he would be able to say it again.

"Emily, I never pushed you away consciously. I can't even… Because I… I…", but he wasn't able to express what he was feeling, like always. So he said the only thing that he could. "I'm sorry, Emily, for being me but I…"

Without thinking he touched her left arm with his right hand, he leaned over and he pressed his lips on her temple. It was only one moment and then his senses came back and he pulled back quickly looking anxiously at her eyes if they had openned. They couldn't face what was between them in the middle of the case and certainly not in her office. He rubbed her arm and then she stirred finally. Her eyes opening focused on him, soft at the start and lovingly, but after she seemed to become aware of where they were and the rest and she got surprised and uncomfortable by his closeness. He had taken some distance but he was still tilted over her, his palm resting on her shoulder. He could say that, at first, she had thought it was a dream but then the reality hit her and confused her. For sure she hadn't heard him or felt his lips on her, at least not consciously. He saw her taking a deep breath before she turned her head away from him and she rubbed the downside of her eyes with her other hand.

"We fell asleep, didn't we?", she said as casually as she could.

"Yep.", he said simply removing his hand.

She put her feet on the floor straightening her blouse. She pushed the files on her desk.

"There is no pattern in choosing those victims. His choices are as random as like these folders dropped in his hands just by chance. He has a preference for narcotics cases but no specific links.", she briefed him.

They saw an officer passing behind the office window heading to the other room and they heard Gloria's surprised voice: "What?!". Emily and Hotch got up opening to the door. Gloria met them in the hallway. She had a paper cup of coffee and an unlighted rolled cigarette in her hand. She was heading out when the officer reached her, Hotch guessed.

"They found two bodies near Barbican, killed during the night. Only one was stabbed, the other shot."

"And what do they have to do with us?", Hotch asked.

"The murderer left Shakespeare's quotes with the victims.", Gloria continued.

"Let's go there.", Emily said.

They grabbed their coats and went to the parking. It was cloudy and it was raining lightly. Hotch, the moment they stepped out of the building, got the same feeling that someone was watching. It shouldn't be his idea finally. He was so deep in thoughts that he unconsciously went for the driver's door, he didn't even know if he did it thinking that he this was the passenger's door or because he was mostly the one driving back in DC. Gloria's voice brought him to Earth.

"Hey! Do you want to learn to drive on the right side in a way to a crime scene?", her tone joking.

They drove to the first crime scene. In a deserted parking space, a grey haired man was lying to his right side, shot at the neck. Hotch got the impression that this was familiar, too familiar… From Emily's expression he could assume that she had the same idea in her mind. But it couldn't be, could it?

"Shot?, Definitely, if it is our guy, he doesn't stick to the Executioner's motive.", Gloria stated unaware of what was going in the others' heads.

Emily went to talk with the police officers. She explained to them and she came back with a paper in an evidence bag.

"It was found pinned on the victim's jacket.", Emily informed.

"What does it say?", Hotch asked.

-"Love goes by haps; Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps", some sold cupid with bullets. "If love be rough with you, be rough with love. Prick love for pricking and you beat love down". And a short notice: "Expectation is the root of all heartache."- , Emily read and looked at him with question.

"Who the hell is he addressing to?", Gloria said.

"I don't know. Where is the other victim?" , he replied

The second crime scene was only one block away. In a dark alley a woman was stabbed at her back. She was lying face down. She was a prostitute judging from her clothes. The M.E. was over her. Hotch could see Gloria stiffen the moment they stepped into the alley.

"Good morning. Emily Prentiss, Head of Interpol Office", Emily spoke showing her ID, "What happened?"

"Interpol? That's a first.", the aged man doctor answered, "The victim has three deep cuts on her back. The poor woman bled out."

Emily stole a look at Gloria's direction. She looked professional and calm but Hotch could say that she was doing it with too much effort.

"When did she die?", Emily continued her discussion with the M.E.

"At least four hours ago and given that she died after bleeding for about…", the doctor replied.

"Six hours…", Gloria told him quietly.

"Yeah", the doctor continued looking at her in question, "the attack should be taken place around 10 o'clock yesterday night."

"She was the first.", Hotch added, the other victim was killed after midnight.

"And doing this…" Emily said looking at Gloria. It wasn't difficult to guess that this crime scene was exactly what had almost happened to her. "He is definitely the Planner."

A police officer approached them, handing them a similar piece of paper in a bag and Gloria read it:

-"Most dangerous is that temptation that does guide us on to sin in loving virtue", that makes us bad in the name of the good. "Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall". And "If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?"-

"Revenge?", Emily asked, "Revenge for arresting his partner?"

"Trying to put an end to their sick mission.", Gloria replied.

"Only arresting?", Hotch asked raising his eyebrow. The last quote couldn't be a coincidence.

"Only. Because he left a quote mentioning a poisoning? If you forget he pricked me and I bled.", she told him underlining the "he" and the "I".

"Ah and something more.", the M.E. said coming towards them, "She had used drugs. Her pupils are dilated."

Emily looked at Gloria. She had lost the color from her face. Hotch got the idea that something else was hidden.

"Excuse us.", he told to the doctor, walking a few feet away motioning to the women to follow him.

"Is there anything more that I should know?", he asked sternly glaring at both of them but mainly at Gloria.

Emily was looking at Gloria concerned. Gloria bent her head.

"This murder is an exact simulation of your attack. Is the last thing part of this staging, too?", he continued in strict voice.

Gloria kept her head down, again untouched by his tone.

"Agent Hotchner, when someone goes under needs to do some things to make it look real, things that you don't want to know…", Gloria told him in dismissive tone.

"it makes us bad in the name of the good"… The fact was that he knew more than he wanted. Emily had slept with a terrorist. She had used her own body to make it look real… The sold "Love" that kills with bullets… The first victim maybe was indeed a reference to Doyle…

"Were you using, agent?", he pressed.

"No! I would have never jeopardized a case.", she replied finally lifting her head and looking him in the eye.

"Then which is the explanation?"

"Somehow I had to cover my ass at some points.", she stated neutrally.

"That's…", he lifted his eyebrows in disbelief.

"A cheap explanation? I was too deep, no other agents were around. Sometimes I just couldn't fake it!", she told him trying to keep it neutral.

He shook his head. He knew that something was wrong. She had gone too deep to the point of almost turning.

"What? Are you judging me? Listen to the rest of the story then! We had what we wanted six months before. Everything was just freaking fine! But Clyde wanted a bigger fish. So he left me go deeper and uncovered! Guess the rest of the story but remember to add that we caught that bigger fish, too!", she carried on. She was frustrated but she wasn't trying to justify herself.

Hotch wasn't expecting her to continue her story, but for some reason she wanted him to know the rest. He was surprised. This thing was far too irresponsible from Clyde's side. He had almost burned his agent. He wasn't surprised with the particular person though. The guy was too much business even if he was saying that he could show empathy. It took himself a threat and an almost begging to finally make Clyde give information to save Emily.

"I don't make excuses for myself, Agent Hotchner, but that's the truth. And I never lost it.", she continued in low voice, bending her head again and she headed out of the alley.

"Others by virtue fall." Hotch thought and turned to Emily. She knew all this and still she left her deal with a case. She should have a very strong belief that she was able to manage.

"She didn't do it out of weakness, she did it to survive and to catch another type of monster." she told him looking to the ground. She was trying to explain what she knew he was thinking, "Hotch, I know how it is to sell your own soul to the devil thinking that you are doing the good… But I want to believe that you can take it back, if you still believe in good…", she looked him in the eyes when she was finishing her last sentence and his eyes softened.

He wanted to say something, when the police officer that had given them the message came again after speaking on his radio.

"Excuse me. They found another body with a message inside the warehouse beside."

Hotch exchanged a look with Emily. They followed the officer inside the old building. A grey haired man was lying dead on the floor, beaten forcefully to death and as far as Hotch could say it looked like he was beaten with just bare hands… And this one looked familiar too, too familiar… He had done the same thing years ago to Foyet…

Emily reached for the paper already in an evidence bag. He took it in his hand and read:

- "Ambition should be made of sterner stuff."If the ambitious is not as stern as you say, you fail because, "We know what we are, but know not what we may be.", may be monsters instead of saviors. And another advice: "God has given you one face, and you make yourselves another." and "False face must hide what the false heart does know."-

This couldn't be what it seemed to be, no. Many people had characterized him as ambitious during his career from the start, even the first years in BAU. But after he stuck to BAU, thrilled with the chase? He didn't really know why. And "Monsters instead of saviors"… He had asked himself the same thing when he killed Foyet. How far is someone from becoming a monster? He had killed a man with his bare hands. He did it to protect his son but it was too brutal, too… he didn't even want to think for any other proper adjective. Whoever wrote this message knew also that he was hiding, hiding everything his abusive father, his emotions, his grief, everything… Emily got closer to his side in a way to support him. She understood where all this was going. He couldn't stand another moment in that warehouse looking at a replica of what he had done himself. They went outside.

"Hotch…", Emily tried to speak reaching for his arm.

"That looked too much like Foyet, Emily. And the message…", he said almost with tears in his eyes.

He had tried too hard to burden that action in his mind and now a sick son of a bitch had brought it all up telling him, also, that he knows that he buried it. He had, also, unburdened Emily's fake "love" to Doyle and Gloria's use of too self-loathing ways for the name of the law.

"And the first like Doyle…", Emily continued. She had that same expression that she had when she told him that she was having a bad day on the plane some months ago…

He didn't know who moved first but they ended up hugging there, in a wet, deserted road between warehouses with the lights of the London police cars flashing behind them. Two persons united by their ghosts and demons…

"It's never going to stop?", Emily told him softly, her voice muffled on his shoulder. She was speaking about the haunting and he didn't even know if it was a question.

"It will.", he tried to reassure her, unsure himself.

Emily pulled back first, gathering herself.

"And he is killing people for what we have done?", Emily said underlining the "we"

"He shows us what we have done", he spoke softly. "Me, you and your friend."

He put his hand on her back and they walked. They found Gloria sitting on the ground, leaning on a wall, her elbows on her knees, face behind her hands. She heard them and she looked up.

"He is taunting us.", he spoke.

"We had an idea…", Gloria told quietly and not in any smart tone.

"He wants to tell us that we are not better than him to stop his mission.", he finished.

**"Hell is empty and all the devils are here." ~ William Shakespeare **

**_OK… I finally follow my instinct! These last events weren't planned. I know the ending scenes but I hadn't figured out how we are going to end with them. So I think I'm finding the way. And I really like it. Do you? I love the idea of Foyet's killing coming back to haunt Hotch. Emily is already haunted by her own demons and Gloria, too._ **

**_Spoiler: The Planner will try to stop them when they won't._ **

**_Review-Review!_**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter XIII**

"**I wouldn't describe myself as lacking in confidence, but I would just say that - the ghosts you chase you never catch.****" ~ ****John Malkovich**

Silence had fallen in the car –actually the black Land Rover jeep, that time they had a more "fancy car" indeed– on the drive back to the Office. Everyone was caught up in their own thoughts. Hotch was looking outside through the window. All this with Foyet… He was just and simply angry with that bastard scratching old wounds. He rubbed his forehead. He couldn't think about them again, not at this moment. Then the other killer that they were trying to catch now would have achieved what he wanted. He turned his attention inside the car.

Emily was sitting on the front seat keeping her eyes front, stealing glances to the driver on her right. That's why she had sat there. Hotch and Emily had tried to comfort each other but the woman beside her was left alone. Emily had even offered to drive but Gloria refused. She wanted to do something to keep herself distracted. But judging from her blank stare on the road in front of them she wasn't distracted at all. She was the one with the freshest wound and their UnSub had learnt her whole story, too, even if she was under an alias back then. Maybe she was the link that they had to investigate and Hotch knew that Emily wasn't going to, so he had to do it. He was the bad from the start and their usual "conversations", that could be safely better described as "fights", could help him get back on his tracks.

The car came to an abrupt stop when they turned into a main road and reached a long row of cars waiting at a red light, London traffic.

"And that's when I hate this city…", Gloria murmured taking another sip of the cold coffee she had put in the case in the middle of the car. She had done it multiple times since the moment it they got into the car. She was nervous.

"You can light a cigarette. That coffee isn't going to last forever, you know.", Hotch told her after seeing her taking another one. He had to calm her down to ask some questions and it seemed it was going to take some time to get to the Office.

She turned the heating a little stronger, she cracked the window, lit a cigarette and turned to him.

"What do you want to ask, Agent Hotchner, and you want me calm?", that woman reading his thoughts for one more time, "There is nothing else. What you saw happened to the point apart from the dead part obviously. I have no idea how he figured out I was an undercover agent and the other "detail".", she carried on in cold tone rising her eyebrow.

"You said to me the other day that you frequent the area where they arrested the Executioner.", that was something that just popped in his mind. Maybe she had talked to someone. He knew that she shouldn't but if she had any other bad habits she might have opened her mouth.

"I know I have a nasty habit, but that's all.", she answered in the same tone, before his questions, tossing the ash in the ashtray of the car, "I don't drink and speak, I don't drink much in general, I don't take other "things", not even painkillers."

"He made the face connection somehow. The matter is that he knows, also, that I got involved and you, Hotch, came. He is watching us. But we would have been alerted if someone sneaked in Interpol files." Emily changed the subject.

"I don't think that he is watching us digitally.", Hotch answered.

"Something was wrong when we left the office, wasn't it?", Gloria asked him and Emily turned towards the back seat. He nodded.

"It's something that we can use probably.", he said.

"But we don't even know his name and he thinks that we are going to stop him?", Gloria continued.

"With what we have it's maybe only matter of time before we get to know it and that's why he reacted first.", Emily replied and he agreed.

Silence fell in the car again, the interior smelling the recognizable smell of smoke till the moment they reached another heavy traffic crossroad.

"However that son of a bitch is completely out of his mind. He kills people to show that "we aren't better than him"? HE's wanted by Interpol and FBI. WE are searching for him, WE are obviously better than him.", Gloria murmured bringing the flaming subject on the front.

"He doesn't take it in the literal way.", Emily answered. "And not in the literal way, he isn't too wrong, too.", she added in neutral voice. That last made alarms ring in his head. Emily was really touched, too, by what the UnSub had written and that was dangerous.

"Emily, don't even go there!", Gloria spoke.

"That's what he wants us to do. If he is right or wrong, that's another question but we shouldn't let him distract us.", Hotch continued in an attempt to persuade himself too.

Gloria looked at him through the rear mirror. When he had told that the Planner was taunting them, Emily explained to her how the first victim looked like Doyle and that the third had something to do with him, no details. Gloria had already gone to the third scene herself but she didn't ask for the details. Hotch didn't know if she didn't because she didn't dare to or she didn't out of respect.

"What I know is that you can't stare into an abyss for long and make it not look back into you. But someone has to stand there and stare at it.", Gloria added quietly.

"But this someone needs be strong enough to fight its stare…", Emily continued.

"I don't know about the strength but they definitely need to be insane to even stand there…", Gloria replied smiling ironically.

Hotch raised his eyebrows at the last comment.

"What? You Hotch, you could have been the Director of the FBI by now, but you wanted to still chase monsters, make the world safer. You my friend," Gloria turned a bit to Emily, "as I told you back then, you weren't the kind that normally goes under, at least not for tasks like this for Doyle, and you knew deep down that you could have a normal, quickly successful career without it. But you did it knowing the consequences and that after you had to start over, having your ex-boss back there", she motioned towards him, "questioning your abilities when, if he knew, you were the star from day one. And as for me? I say that I work to catch bad guys but I spent the greatest part of my career playing one. Do all these sound "sane" to you?"

Hotch cracked an ironic side smile, too. She had a point. However, he noticed her remark about Emily, that she wasn't the kind of person to do what she had done with Doyle. He had thought about it, too. Although she seemed too career driven even from the first day she stepped into his office, Emily wasn't the woman to use her own body and soul for a job like this. She had felt too bad when she had to flirt with the Fox and, to just tell the simple truth, you don't normally expect a richly grown girl with top studies and top connections to do it. He knew CIA agents with studies in Yale but either they weren't rich so they were chasing opportunities and money, or just their characters weren't like Emily's. They were cold people, pretty ok with lying their whole lives and destroying everyone that dared to step in their way. She told him the other day that she did it for her ambitions but wasn't it too much against herself to do it just for that?

His phone rang interrupting his thoughts.

"Garcia you are on speaker.", Hotch said putting the phone in the middle of the car.

"Pen, isn't the time too early for you?", Gloria asked.

"Actually it is too early in the morning but no problem! American and English forces joined together beat the time zones!", Garcia replied cheerfully even if, as it seemed, she had spent the whole night working.

"What do you have?", Hotch asked.

"I searched every single person involved in the case with the priest and I came up with absolutely nada."

"Tell me you have a but somewhere, PG.", Emily told her.

"BUT I noticed something else odd. Do I sound too boring? Because this whole case is full of weirdy-quirky things!"

"Garcia…", Hotch tried to put her back in the subject.

"OK! Your beautiful, fast information machine coming back on tracks, my super Sir!", Garcia replied and in fact she made all of them smile a little, "There is someone who was a witness in the trial but he doesn't appear anywhere else and the hearings were done in closed doors."

"What do you mean he doesn't appear?", Emily asked.

"He has some criminal record and that's all.", Garcia clarified.

"Oh Gosh… Closed door trials are a normal procedure….", Gloria said exchanging a glance with Emily.

"Penelope, he was an undercover cop.", Emily assumed.

"Police wasn't doing anything in the area."

"Emily you told in the morning that the majority of the cases involve drugs."Hotch said looking at Emily who nodded. "Garcia, look into the FBI operations for drugs in that state.", he ordered.

"Always loyal and as fast as a lightning! Garcie out!", she replied and ended the call.

They finally arrived at the Office. They wrote the messages on the board. There should be something for the Planner's profile in them. Hotch and Emily were standing while Gloria was sitting on the table.

"OK… He has a huge ego, that's for sure.", Emily stated.

"Definitely and he doesn't only use Shakespeare's quotes, he manipulates them." Hotch continued her thoughts. "I think we are going to need Reid to tell us about the context."

"I don't think that it's gonna help", Gloria popped into the conversation, "The quotes are completely random taken from various plays." Hotch turned to her. "You are in England, remember? Every pupil in this country knows that. I haven't grown up here but my father was 100% British, he taught me all this stuff."

"So he just wants to seem sophisticated.", Emily concluded.

"But he just went through the internet and picked whatever he thought proper. The thing is…", Gloria hesitated to continue looking at Emily.

"Say it.", Hotch pressed her.

"Nothing…", she replied looking at him with an investigative expression. "Nothing.", she said again neutrally.

"I would appreciate it, if you don't hide anything else.", Hotch said strictly. He had enough with her mysterious ways.

"Why am I always the bad here, Agent Hotchner?", she reacted.

"Because something always needs to happen for you to say something!", he got frustrated himself. He was already shaken by what has happened and surfaced and he lost his patience quicker.

"Do you really think that after this nut job killed three more people because of something that I started, I would still hide things?", she was surprised and disappointed raising her voice a little.

"Do you?", he asked sternly.

"Hotch, Gloria!", Emily tried to stop them touching his arm briefly.

"He put that woman through the same damn thing as me! He didn't just kill her. He tortured her by leaving her there to bleed to death! Whatever she was she didn't deserve it! He really does though!", Gloria said in higher voice. He knew that all this frustration from what she had seen in the alley just burst. Hotch noticed a tendency to revenge too.

"You do think that I don't have any conscience because I have done what I have.", she concluded in low tone, then looking on the board her expression telling that something came up, "Or do you just look only on the surface? Because that's what he says last for you. I don't know if you use facades to hide your personal stuff and feelings, Agent Hotchner. But for sure you forget that other people do it too! And that's why it's an "advice"!", she turned to him accusingly.

_- And another advice: "__God has given you one face, and you make yourselves another.__"__ and "__False face must hide what the false heart does know.__"__-_

That's the second time he heard it since he arrived in that country. And he had acknowledged it already. Focused on psychology and behaviors he forgot about feelings hidden...

"Hotch, he isn't only playing with our pasts. He is playing with us too…", Emily went towards the board taking a pen underlining the last phrase of the message for him. She agreed on that. He knew, she had told him… "He also mentioned the poisoning, that made us doubt Gloria…" Emily continued marking the other phrase.

"And for you, the "expectation" and the "heartache"…", Gloria murmured to Emily.

_- And a short notice: "Expectation is the root of all heartache."-_

Hotch understood that this last thing was what Gloria had thought before but she didn't want to bring that subject up in front of him. Even her defensive and sometimes aggressive tactics, she was respecting boundaries and he attacked her instead. But his attention turned to Emily. He was feeling so guilty for provoking pain to her. He was the one that she was expecting and he had made her ache, ache for ignoring her back in BAU, ache for not understanding what she had tried to tell him when she fell into his arms two nights ago. And the ironic thing was that he did it not because the feelings weren't mutual but because of what was remarked previously. He dropped his head.

"Emily…", he tried to speak smoothly.

"I don't think that I need to hear whatever comes next.", Gloria said getting up to go.

"No, Ria.", Emily turned to her ignoring him, "There is nothing to come next.", she continued neutrally.

"I'm sorry, Emily…" he said in low voice. He knew that he had to tell something else instead of this but all this condition and the presence of the other woman did not really help.

"There is nothing to be sorry about Hotch.", Emily replied still without looking him motioning at Gloria to sit back down and not leave them. She obeyed. "I mean look how I treated the whole subject from the rest of his "message".", Emily carried on in a forced neutral tone like she didn't mind.

_-"some sold cupid kills with bullets.… be rough with love. Prick love for pricking and you beat love down".-_

Hotch lifted his head. She shouldn't think like this. She had nothing to do with what was written and, also, she was falling in the trap. But who was he to speak? He was already in it, even if he showed that he was coping… He saw Gloria looking at Emily surprised, she wasn't expecting her friend to fall for what the UnSub was saying, and then she threw a look at him, a sympathetic look, like the one from the previous morning.

"So we have an UnSub with a huge ego that's taunting us and playing with our personal relationships and he is watching us.", Emily continued bringing the subject back to the professional matter.

"We should keep him busy till we find him. If he thinks we are ignoring him then he may strike again.", Hotch said.

"And how are we keeping him busy?", Gloria asked.

"We are giving him what he wants, showing him we are highly influenced by what he said to us.", he clarified.

"Like we are not already there…", Gloria said looking at the table.

"**Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." ~ ****Stephen King**

_**Actually they are going to play a very dangerous game with the UnSub. How can they "play" that they are influenced by what he said when they are in reality? Will the things be carried too far?**_

_**Finally Gloria's attitude towards Hotch came up handy. I should say that I am really enjoying having a character that doesn't back off with Hotch. It's something that we haven't really seen in the series apart from Haley and Emily, at some points, but on professional level the majority, mainly the women, are easy to back down when they are cornered by him.**_

_**I know… It took me too long to update. I'm too busy for something for next year and I am working like crazy. Pheww… What is said is real. The first 100 years of life are the most difficult. :P Anyway. It may be another update towards the end of the week as I'm gonna have some spare time on the train on Thursday so no major spoilers.**_

_**Please don't forget to review! It's so simple! 8-)**_


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter XIV**

"**Monsters cannot be announced. One cannot say: 'Here are our monsters,' without immediately turning the monsters into pets." ~ ****Jacques Derrida**

Emily's phone rang and she stepped a little bit back.

"This whole thing with the show can blow up on our faces. You know that, right?", Gloria said to him guessing that he was thinking about his last proposal.

The UnSub wouldn't be able to resist seeing his effect on them. They had to show him they were having a hard time coping with the truth that he had revealed. They had assumed that he should have been watching them on the crime scenes. He staged all that, for sure he stood by to watch the effect. That's why they had already asked for any CCTV of the area.

"This UnSub thinks that what he is doing is right and justifiable, punishing sinners. If we don't give him what he anticipates either he will kill more people or start chasing us. He found a way to kill a man in custody we can't risk it. We can do the show though.", he said to her in an attempt to reassure himself.

"Can you?", Gloria asked him in disbelief.

Her tone reminded him of Emily's questions three years ago. Haley and Jack had just gotten into protection. He was getting back to work and she had come to drive him to the airport. He had asked her "Ready?" and instead of one of her usual phrases she asked him back: "Are you?" and the truth was that he wasn't. Some reckless moves, a demotion and a kill proved it afterwards…

"We will do it when it is needed. We may find him before.", he told her.

Emily came back from the phone call.

"There is no useful footage of the CCTV in the area of the killings. We can't get anything from the three crime scenes."

"Unlike to the main belief, London is not exactly Big Brother's city.", Gloria said.

"Hotch for the UnSub to know all this stuff, he should be really close to us. And not here, back in DC.", Emily stated.

It was in his mind, too. Foyet's story was in files. He had tried to find the guy before. Maybe he was watching his progress. Emily's assignment was in files, too. But how did he know about her feelings for him? He had to be really close.

"There should be something in how he found out about you.", Hotch turned to Gloria.

"Yes Gloria. The Executioner targeted you by chance but the Planner figured out that you are an agent, something should have given him a clue.", Emily agreed bringing back the subject they skipped in the car.

"I told you I have no idea. I had nothing on me and the attacker smashed my phone."

"Clyde found you himself, didn't he?", Emily asked something in her mind.

"Yeah. At least that's what I have been told.", Gloria answered sternly. She was uncomfortable speaking about Clyde's place in her whole story and still Hotch couldn't figure out what the deal behind it was.

"Hotch, if the attacker returned to see if he had finished the job he saw Clyde, the Planner recognized him.", Emily said.

Hotch raised his eyebrows. Now were they going to say that their UnSub knew Clyde?

"If the Planner is from Quantico he saw Clyde when he was there for Doyle. Everything fits.", she explained.

"We are assuming, however, that if the Planner wasn't with him during the attacks he knows the faces of the victims.", Hotch thought out loud.

"They keep a record of their mission. We profiled the Planner as organized. Maybe it's part of his organization.", Emily said.

"That was the flash…", Gloria murmured rubbing her forehead.

"What?", Emily turned to her.

"I… After he lifted himself from me I saw a flash of light. I couldn't see him but I remember thinking that it was an illusion from the pain…", she clarified in low voice.

"The executioner was taking photographs of the victims. If we find them we tie him for all.", Hotch said.

Emily's phone rang again. In the meantime Hotch was taking his own phone from his pocket to call Garcia.

"Hotch, wait a minute", he heard Emily telling him her tone anxious as she stepped out of the room. Gloria went near her, curious. This wasn't good. He approached them, too.

"Someone has hacked into our security system, Hotch.", Emily whispered to him.

This wasn't good for sure. The guy remained a step ahead of them. Now he was watching every step of the way.

"How long ago?", he asked.

"About five minutes ago", Emily replied.

"This is ridiculous…", Gloria said shaking her head.

"He is an American agent with proper training he knows how these systems work.", Hotch explained.

"Don't shut the system down yet. We need to track it."Emily ordered on the phone ending the call. "He wants a show. He will have it.", she continued looking at Hotch. "The room we are working is the only one with audio too."

"I have to call Garcia.", Hotch mentioned.

"A sure blind spot is the toilets. We can use them to plan strategies… Oh Gosh…" Gloria said rolling her eyes at the ridiculousness of the situation. It couldn't help though to relieve the tense of the situation. He headed to the toilets his hand with the phone in his pocket. As soon as he was inside he dialed the number.

"I know I am quick but not that quick this time. Do you know how many operations were done that year in Vegas from the FBI?", Garcia answered the call a little bit annoyed for not having the answer that she thought they were looking for.

"What about the undercover agent?", he asked.

"He was killed a year after. I had to go back looking for everyone in the area. And urghh… They are too many, agents, general state officers, legal staff…", Penelope answered still irritated.

"Garcia, this is going to narrow down your search. Search for the people that worked in the operations and passed from Quantico after.", Hotch told her.

"What? Seriously, Sir? Your bad guy is here?", she asked surprised suddenly whispering on the phone.

"No. He is here now. Look for people recently retired, on assignments overseas or on vacations and fit the rest of the profile and with technology knowledge.", Hotch clarified.

"Alright! Just stay safe my loves!"

"Thanks.", he replied as Garcia rushed to end the call and continue her search.

When he returned to the room, Emily was alone. Gloria was going to assist finding the streaming point, maybe. Or Emily had picked herself and him to play the show. She didn't want to press her friend more.

They were both in an uncomfortable situation. They had to sit down and speak about the elephant, actually the elephants, in the room and having their UnSub overhearing them. Hotch would have preferred this to be done under much different circumstances.

He looked at her worried. When he had proposed the plan he had wished strongly that they wouldn't need it at the end. But the UnSub was forcing them.

"He's right you know.", Emily started. She knew he wasn't in position to start first. But deep in him he knew that she wasn't faking what she was going to say. So he stopped her and started speaking himself.

"A week after what happened with Foyet, I took the file and saw the crime scenes pictures. I mean if I didn't know that I did it, I…". He folded his arms. He was pushing himself to speak. He wasn't a man that shared things. At least he was with Emily.

"You would have thought that an UnSub had done it…", she spoke in low voice. She had pain in her voice, pain for him and what he went through.

"We are thinking like them. We are halfway there, you've said it before. The only thing that separates us from them is what we do. And I crossed that line…"

Emily sat down maybe in attempt not to touch him or say anything. She couldn't voice the explanation. It wasn't part of the stunt. But it was obvious that they couldn't stand seeing each other tortured.

"Whatever the reason was, I wasn't thinking. I wanted him dead. As simple as that…", he continued, bending his head putting his left hand in fist in front of him, admitting for the very first life in his life what was going on in his head when he killed Foyet. He had tears in his eyes forgetting that an UnSub and who knows who else was overhearing them. He was one step before admitting his worst nightmare but Emily interrupting him and saved him from saying anything more.

"They train us to keep boundaries you know. Don't mess ourselves with the job and then we are thrown into different conditions. I mean whatever I did for Doyle wasn't much different from what a cheap whore would have done."

He started panicking. He couldn't mean this, could she?

"Emily…", he tried to speak looking at her.

"That's the truth! I made Doyle fall for me. He had asked me to marry him, to raise his son the only thing that he really loved and I was there to catch him. I used the love in the most horrible way."

Oh no, no… He knew in his heart that she was meaning every last word. He couldn't let her torture herself anymore. He could torture himself with this stunt but not her.

"Doyle was a sociopath, Emily! He didn't feel anything!" He approached the table.

"That doesn't change that I shared a bed with him! That I was comfortable in that world, too!", she avoided his eyes her tone cold. She was embarrassed giving him herself the picture.

"Emily, you aren't…"

"I know who I am. I don't need your pity, Hotch.", she cut him abruptly.

She needed his love. They were forgetting about the stunt, about who else was listening to them. He put his hands on her shoulders, to make her look at him.

"I don't feel sorry for you! I did whatever I could to help because I know how it is to hide! And I know how is to wake up every morning and wonder if the bad person- the monster that live with me is going to appear again!", he said finally putting in words his nightmare. He was terrified all those years that he might do again what he had done with Foyet, like his whole life he was afraid that he would become his father. Emily was afraid of becoming Lauren, of being Lauren or that another monster would rise to chase her.

"I didn't want you to become me, Emily. I care too much!"

"As what Hotch?", she asked looking him straight in the eyes. She was seeking for the proof that he never thought anything more of her because she didn't deserve his feelings, no one's feelings.

'As a man in love' he wanted to say but now that he bared his soul and fears to her he couldn't say it. He couldn't say it, not after just seconds form the word 'monster', no. She was thinking that she was the messed up. But he was the worst. He said nothing. He could see the disappointment in her eyes but no word could come out of his mouth. That case and whatever that sick son of a bitch brought into surface showed him who he really was.

Some moments passed before Gloria stepped into the room without knocking.

"He stopped the streaming. No one's watching.", she informed them. "Obviously the show was pretty damn good. He got what he wanted.", she continued looking at both of them. Hotch didn't know if she had heard them too but judging from her expression she had. However, he was content that it was her and not some random tech guy of Interpol.

"Did you locate where he was?", he asked trying hard to get into professional mode again.

"He was using too many proxies. The techies keep looking but with him stopping I don't think we have much of a chance." Gloria answered.

"So we are back to square one.", Emily said gathering herself.

"Let's hope we are only there." The other woman answered.

Their only chance was what Garcia would find. Hotch was getting more and more unnerved with the guy. What if he was playing with them? Was there any possibility that he forced them with the hacking into the security system because he knew they were going to play along? How could he possibly know that this would be Hotch's strategy?

The answer to who the guy might be came at around one hour after. Andrew Marks was an undercover agent who failed his mission –Garcia was still looking for the reason – and after some transfers he ended up in Quantico on a desk job in the files department, dealing, also, with international files from agents trying to spot similar cases about criminals that flew the country. That's how he had access to all that database.

Hotch and Emily had met him multiple times when they were dealing with paperwork. The guy had all the knowledge to study files and to get to know how the BAU worked. He had even hit on Emily during a gathering of the Bureau. Hotch couldn't believe that they were so close to a guy like this for at least five years.

His face was spotted in the CCTV entering the Police building in an officer's uniform a the day of the prisoner's murder. From the start they didn't have any footage on the cells floor as it appeared that someone had turned off the system. This gave the probable cause to the others back in DC to search his apartment. They found the photographs of the victims. Andrew Marks was their UnSub. What was left was to spot him in London.

Gloria was running the face recognition program on the footage of possible areas, around the executioner's arrest and the crime scenes. They had the patrol cars of the police alerted. But their UnSub was a trained undercover agent, he knew how to be invisible. They were chasing a shadow and they couldn't risk another stunt. Actually he wasn't going to appear. He should have known that till that moment they had a face and a name. Hotch had started to have a really bad feeling about this.

Emily was avoiding him, dealing with some other on-going tasks left behind. He had hurt her for one more time. He wanted to explain, to say something but they got too carried away with the case and the rest. As he was walking in the corridor after calling Jack, he heard arguing coming from Emily's office. The first voice was Emily's the second was Gloria's. They weren't exactly shouting but both women sounded upset. He stood by the door.

"You can't be that blind!", he heard Gloria exclaiming. What were they talking about?

"Gloria, don't stick your nose, please!", Emily replied sternly.

"That's why you weren't for playing love with Doyle…" Gloria said mostly to herself in lower voice.

"What is this about again?", Emily sounded annoyed.

"You didn't know how the dark side was." That's why she had told that Emily wasn't 'that kind'. Gloria apparently had experience."That damn thing went so well that you strongly believe you have no luck on the good side! Come on! I know better than you how this is!"

He had heard that some undercover agents feel better in the dirt than in the light and that's why they were doing it. Even if this maybe fit with Gloria, for sure it didn't fit with Emily. She knew that... And was the woman talking about Emily's conviction that she didn't deserve love, his love?

"And exactly this doesn't make you an expert to see what's going on here.", Emily replied.

"Exactly this makes me know how the bottom feels like. I was a bad penny from the start and I'll always be and that's why I am taking the fall again and again. You aren't but you'll end up if you turn blind eyes to the good things of your life. Do you know what I thought when I was losing consciousness on that alley? That this was my 'proper' ending. You don't want to reach a point thinking it. IF it hasn't already crossed your mind…", Gloria spoke dangerously calmly.

That's the reason she brought up the previous... Another worry burned his chest. He knew that Emily had thought it. She had asked Morgan to let her go. Derek had told him at some point during her 'funeral'. He knew about her "death experience" and that she was hoping for a better one...

"I'm going to the roof to get some air." Gloria stormed out of the office bumping onto him who didn't have the chance to move. She gave him a look that he couldn't really identify and left.

"Emily…", Hotch said quietly. She turned her back to him. She didn't know how much he had heard but the truth was that he hadn't exactly gotten what they were talking about.

"Classic Ria… Sometimes she thinks that she knows everything.", Emily tried to speak neutrally.

"She cares for you.", Hotch said approaching her.

He was admitting that but he had heard himself that the younger woman was down a dangerous road. Even if finally this was the 'off' thing with her, she wasn't the issue now. He had to tell Emily the truth, that it wasn't that he didn't have feelings. He was just the worthless of the two. He tried to reach her arm when a shout form the bullpen came.

"Everybody down! NOW!"

"**I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end.****" ~ ****Gilda Radner**

_**Ok… Formally this was the toughest chapter. And a cliff hanger! I'm telling you all the next chapters are going to end with one!**_

_**The Hotch and Emily's talk under the weirdest situations… What do you think?**_

_**Guys, review please! I love hearing from you! 8-)**_


	15. Chapter 15

_**Actually I was walking in London the other day and I thought: "Oh I need to put some real action in these streets! (We need some on the show, too, to tell the truth. Where are the fights? The shootings? The car chases? They have only kicked one door this season! I guess money issues. But the stories are getting poorer, too. Even the last one with the marionettes ended up poor as a story and an image again, although we all know how good director is MGG… I think for one more time, CBS is going to sink some of their best series. It's not gonna be the first time… Without A Trace and Cold Case have already proved it… And NCIS walks the same path… Anyway! I talk too much! :P) So I'll try to put some action in this story. It doesn't cost anything! ;) **_

**Chapter XV**

"**To believe or not to believe, is a problem. To leave or to conceive is another problem. To ascertain and to achieve is to solve the problem." ~ ****A. Saleh**

After the shout the only thing that Hotch remembered was loud bangs of shots fired. In the heat of the moment Hotch found himself having the only instinct to protect Emily from whatever was coming. He dropped his body over hers to shield her and both fell to the floor, the glass window of her office smashing over them. The shots came from outside. After seconds passed his ears were still ringing. Emily was beneath him and during these seconds he registered what he had done. He protected her with his own life. He had never done it before. Actually they never had come to a condition like this before. He loved her more than he had even realized…

She moved touching his sides to check if he was ok.

"Hotch?", she whispered. "Hotch!" she spoke louder, starting panicking from his lack of reaction.

With that he focused again.

"Are you OK?", he asked quietly.

"You are the one who fell over me. Are you?", she said.

He nodded and removed his weight from her standing up, still remaining covered by the exterior wall. He helped Emily getting up without looking in her confused eyes. She had registered what he had done, too. Avoiding the broken glass around them, they went to the corridor finally shielding themselves behind a full height, solid wall.

"Where is Ria?", Emily looked around anxiously in the bullpen full of people trying to figure out what had happened.

The other woman was going to the roof which means she was in open space. Emily moved towards a door that seemed to lead to the stairs up and down. They found Gloria dropped a few steps up beside another door that apparently leaded outside. She looked at them relieved. Emily rushed to her side.

"I'm OK.", Gloria said. "Thanks to the door."

"Are you sure?", Emily asked concerned.

"It's nothing.", she told Emily. "I just slipped some steps moving back. If he had started firing two seconds later, I would have been as good as dead.", she carried on as she stood up wincing a little."What was that?"

He had no idea. They shouldn't just stand there by chance, all the three of them. If the shooter had waited a few seconds, he for sure could have killed Gloria. Was it a warning? They had accepted their sins and now was he going to make them pay? Then why wait? He had some kind of sick game in his head.

Crime Scene Team came into the office, ballistics analysis and so on. It only proved the previous. He had shot too high into Emily's office. There was no way that he wanted to kill them. They figured out that the shooter should have been on the higher roof of a building two blocks away. The three of them went there while the forensics analyzed the place for any evidence. But there was nothing except the marks on the wall of where he had set the gun.

"Military long range weapon." Hotch said thankful to his training in SWAT.

"And he knew how to use it well.", Emily continued looking at the considerable distance from the roof to the Police building.

"His targets were just the roof and the window though.", Hotch noticed. "And he could watch from here too. How often are you going to the roof?", he carried on looking at Gloria.

"A couple, three times maybe per day? When they say that smoke can kill you they don't usually mean by getting shot on the roof, you know.", she replied. After the last event, she was more skeptical. Hotch didn't know if it was because she almost got killed again or it was something else. "However these types of weapons are very rare to find them illegally, mainly here."

"Then we should check any information for those illegal circulations.", Emily stated.

"I'm gonna make some calls.", Gloria said and left.

"What's going on, Hotch? He did all this. He didn't kill us. Why?", Emily turned to him.

"I have no idea. Let's get back to the office. I don't think we are so safe out here.", he said simply.

There shouldn't be in actual danger, at least for the moment. But his bad feeling had only grown stronger after all that.

Once they returned to the Office they picked a room without windows, no one wanting any more surprises. They had the press covered. Shootings to the Police building were going to hit the pages but they managed to manipulate the press telling that it had to do with something else. Hotch called Garcia.

"Oh my English squad, tell me you are OK! We heard about the shootings!", Garcia asked anxiously.

"We are fine Garcia. Thanks!", Emily told her.

"What do you have on Marks?", Hotch asked.

"This disgraced agent had nothing to catch my investigative eye. He was never married, extremely religious and nothing interesting from his accounts and contacts, except from frequent phone calls to mobile numbers of foreign countries that they don't exist anymore."

"He was contacting his partner.", Emily said.

"Three weeks ago took vacation time, exchanged 4000 dollars to pounds and took a flight to London."

"What about his personal file?", Hotch asked.

"He was in SWAT in California, good recommendations then he took that undercover mission for a narcotics investigation in Vegas. But it is kind of spooky don't you think? Having a person like this in our Office? I mean I thought that the bad guys are out there, not here!", Garcia whispered.

"The bad guys are everywhere, Pen. Unfortunately.", Gloria spoke as she entered the room.

"Did you find what went wrong his last undercover mission?", Hotch asked.

"His first and last, you mean my kind Sir. He got involved into a questionable shooting." Garcia replied. "Nothing proved , he denied everything but he was forced to desk duty after this."

"Who was the victim?", Emily asked.

"Another gang member near his partner's church."

"How long after he started the operation he did it?", Gloria asked.

"One year."

"Thanks, Garcia. Keep me posted if you find anything else.", Hotch said

"Please take care my furry friends!", Garcia said and ended the call. It was the second time that she told them this and Hotch felt that they were going to need her wishes.

"He killed a bad guy and it felt the right thing to do and he carried on.", Emily said.

"Right and wrong blur down there…", Gloria murmured.

"Did you find anything about the gun?", Hotch asked her.

"There are some 'contacts' and the proper 'recommendations' for the few sellers of these goods. But I don't think that anyone is going to speak to us, not at least as Interpol, Police, FBI, whatever anyway.", she answered looking at Emily.

"Gloria you don't mean…", Emily started getting upset. Apparently the other woman was thinking of putting up a character and talk to the 'contacts'.

"Emily this guy lives underground. If we don't look there we would never find him. And bringing someone else won't help. It will take too long or we will have another victim.", Gloria interrupted her.

"What if he did all of this on purpose? Because he knows that we will follow the lead?", Emily told.

"It is a possibility.", Hotch said.

"What if he doesn't care because he knows that after the last stunt we won't?", Gloria mentioned looking at Hotch.

That was another possibility, too. They couldn't figure out what was part of the UnSub's game and what wasn't.

"And come on! The guy can't know all the Met's information!", she continued.

Hotch knew that she was right in some things. But they couldn't risk.

"Try to eliminate the possible sellers and we will see what we are going to do. Everything should be found from here. Ria the guy shot at us! You aren't going hang around anywhere. And this an order.", Emily told her strictly.

"Yes, Ma'am.", Gloria said and left. In different circumstances Hotch would have smiled at how similar her "ma'am" sounded to Emily's. But at that moment he was worried that the younger woman complied too easily and judging from Emily's face, she was thinking the same thing.

"We have to make him surface. And if this is a warning we are his next targets.", Emily said.

"We accepted our sins. We wants us to stop otherwise we are going to have the same end as his victims.", he added.

"Even a fake closure of the case doesn't help to make him appear. And we have to clear you a gun.", Emily mentioned.

There was no prediction that they were going to end up in this condition and the English laws were more complicated and stricter than the American ones on this issue. So he hadn't gotten a clearance for bringing or carrying a gun.

He nodded. The truth was that he needed one. Many years ago a Native American guard characterized him as "the gun head" of the team and he was, no doubt. And with a danger around he wasn't feeling safe without one, not for himself so much, but for Emily. He didn't want to be in circumstances that he couldn't react. His mind drifted back in her office during the shootings. His eyes should have gotten softer while looking at Emily because she said what should have been in her mind since that incident.

"Hotch, whatever I said, whatever I showed that I…, for you anyway, you have no obligation towards me.", she struggled to speak bending her head.

"Emily…", he said shaking his head. She was persuaded that her feelings were one-sided. It was too difficult to undo five years of his ignorance towards them in one word, mostly not for no word-friendly man. She didn't leave him much time to speak.

"And the next time that anything happens, please don't protect me like that…", her voice trailing off at the end.

She was referring to that incident and she was worried about him, afraid for him. Another moment flashed into his mind. Back then, just hours before she had approached him on the plane, they were chasing that kid killing his former classmates for stealing his story about the school shootings. Emily heard the gunshot and called his name. She shouldn't have done it normally. Not knowing what happened, it could have startled the situation. But she got afraid for him and if anything happened to him… For a profiler he missed it…

He got close to her and touched her shoulders like he had done during that "talk" for their UnSub. With all this they didn't have time to talk about it and neither that moment was a good time.

"Emiy, when I said that I care too much, I meant it.", he just said, making her look at him. "Till this ends, I just need you to know that I meant it.", and he tried to pull her to him but he felt her resisting and he regretted his initiative. Was she still angry with him? Was she still affected of whatever their UnSub brought up? Was she confused by him? He didn't know the answers and the knock on the door didn't help him to find them.

It was the ballistics report and a case of a bank robbery where possibly the same weapon was used. The match wasn't 100% due to the condition of the bullet from the bank robbery. They checked if there was any connection with the Executioner's cases.

"There's nothing. He managed to contact someone and bought it.", Emily spoke. "Let's see if Gloria found anything.", she continued standing up and Hotch followed her to the room besides.

To their surprise Gloria wasn't around. On the table there were two folders open and a copy of the ballistics report. A seller was involved in one's of the Executioner's cases. What made Emily anxious was Gloria's badge lying on the side. Only the badge and not her gun too though. A note was handwritten on the side of a paper "Sorry. In case I don't contact back in six hours", followed by a number that Hotch guessed it was an english license plate. One hour and half had passed. Emily seemed to get the message. She took her phone in hand.

"I need to know where one of the cars is last spotted. And I need it now!…", she barked to the other side of the line.

Gloria had gone to follow the contact. Hotch knew that maybe they had to follow the leads, staying here didn't help but they couldn't take chances with anyone's life and the agent had decided to risk it instead of the orders.

"My words are for the walls!", Emily exclaimed after writing down the address that they gave her having ended the call.

"She had some points earlier.", Hotch admitted.

"I know Hotch but she isn't disposable to take risks like this!", Emily replied angry and concerned. "At least one of us could have gone with her! But she didn't want to put anyone else in danger. Sometimes she just forgets about herself." , she murmured.

"I'm going to find her.", Hotch said taking the paper with the address from Emily. Liking Gloria or not, she was one of this temporary team. Someone had to have her back.

Emily nodded. She trusted him of all people for her friend's safety.

"Wait a minute." Emily said and left. She came back with a gun.

"Take it. I'm going to have you cleared when you come back. And the kid in the parking can give you a second key to her car.", she took the badge from the table, "And give this to her and please tell her that normal people interpret it otherwise.", she told him and Hotch didn't really understand it. He moved towards the door, taking off his tie. Wherever the woman was, a man in a suit would have looked suspicious..

"And be careful. Both of you.", she spoke quietly. She was worried for both of them.

He nodded and left. He took a cab to the address. Driving there wasn't option as he didn't know the city and he wasn't used to the right side driving. Having someone else to drive him could only provoke complexities. He could say that he went to an area in the south London. It was freezing outside and some snowflakes were floating from time to time. He found the black, small SVU parked. As it wasn't the best idea to stand outside, he unlocked the car and got in the passenger's seat. After some time he noticed Gloria walking towards the car. She had changed into a short, loose, red, woolen skirt and beneath the waist long, black leather jacket an open top. With this outfit he didn't really want to know either how much cold she was, or where exactly she was keeping her gun. Before she came too close to the car , he opened the door and got out. He shouldn't take her by surprise her too much. He wasn't trusting her condition and he was concerned about how she would react. Gloria's hand went instinctively to her upper thigh, exactly where he had guessed she was keeping the gun, getting cover in an entrance and pulled it pointing at him in no time.

"It's me.", he said. In the deserted street she could hear him clearly.

She lowered it and came closer.

"Next time just wait for a call. I am not used to have people around watching out for me.", she told him annoyed that he startled her, as she got in the car, him too. "But I'm one of the lucky ones!", she changed tone looking at him.

He looked at her in question.

"I know you for four days and I got to see you without a tie!"

He ignored her and he took her badge out of his pocket and gave it to her.

"Emily told me that normal people interpret it otherwise."

"I used to tell her that when you go under you leave it because you are gonna do whatever it tells you not to and she used to answer that for normal people leaving it means resigning.", she explained taking form his hand.

"I hope Emily isn't too angry.", she said concerned.

"She is more worried."

"If I'm not fired already then it's ok! And a right story can give you everything." She took her phone, pressed a button and put in the case beside the wheel.

"Tell me you are alive!", Emily's voice came from the phone.

"Alive enough to make calls. And Hotch… fortunately!We have a possible staying area for our guy. His seller used to meet him a lot around four blocks from here around this time." Gloria rushed to speak giving her the names of the streets.

"I'll contact the police.", Emily answered.

"And we'll keep an eye.", Hotch said. They could be lucky.

"OK…", Emily replied after sometime. "And Ria when you get back we have some serious talk to do…", she said in a strict and concerned tone.

"Alright, Em.", Gloria replied thoughtfully and ended the call.

"Sometimes I still don't know how she puts up with me…", she carried on mainly to herself as she started the car.

"She is your friend.", he answered neutrally.

"Hmm… The Emily I last remember… She would have never risked for the bad business I have turned into.", she said in the same tone and Hotch noticed a spite in her voice. The woman had proved that she trusted Emily completely and cared for her but she was holding something.

There was a reason that Strauss tried to use her as a spy on his team, he thought…

"Did you know Emily before the...?" he asked referring to Doyle's operation.

"Oh, before!", she said smiling. Obviously whatever she was holding had to with the after. "She was OK, a nice person, even stressed to be always perfect, professionally right, having good relations with the bosses. Oh yeah, there was a time that she was politics friendly, if you can believe it!", she laughed a little. "But this overzealous leaded her to take a dive into the hell.", she carried on.

He rubbed his forehead, concerned. He admired Emily for her bravery to do it, but she made herself suffer. What she told him in that "talk" proved it. The other woman noticed his skeptical face.

"They wanted to profile that bastard and catch him. There was no plan for the 'particular' involvement at the start. After they found out that they had no other way. Emily had the brains and the training. But any training in the world can't help with these jobs and the bosses don't think about the consequences in the big picture. If you are the best for something, they push you to do it. Clyde thought I am crazy when I told him to find someone else and not put a good girl to play the bad one.", shaking her head.

"Did you consult in Doyle's case?", he looked at her surprised. Wasn't she too young? She found his amusement entertaining for one more time.

"No. I knew Emily and Clyde asked my opinion up in a conversation. I was 29 years old but I had been undercover two times already with high flags. Youngest agent going under, too, blah-blah… I was a star back then, Agent Hotchner. I used to have better days, you know.", she informed him without any hint of arrogance.

He raised an eyebrow. 29? That meant that she was almost 39 now. He had guessed that she was at least 4 years younger.

"Oh yeah, I know I don't look my age but thanks!", she said winking at him.

"And how was she after?", he asked concerned after a long pause. Given the woman's words, Emily had already taken Doyle's story hard immediately after the end of it. He knew that there was some time till she ended up in his office. She had some time to compartmentalize the toll, to hide it…

"A confused version of the previous.", Gloria answered neutrally not giving him more details but he was sure there were some. "She has crossed the Atlantic Ocean before. Like now... 'Escape'… Escape from the frying pan to the fire.", she continued and Hotch didn't really know if she was referring to Emily's escape back then or the last one. At least they were agreeing that they were escapes. She parked the car.

"Anyway. The matter is Emily came from BAU a better person. And you, Hotch, played a big role in that.", she carried on sincerely.

She didn't say "I guess" or "I think". She was certain and she didn't speak about the rest of his team, Hotch noticed in his head. He bent his head in thought. But with the corner of his eye he saw a shadow of a man getting out of a car and walking in the street towards a door.

"That's him.", he recognized him.

"If he goes inside we can loose him. These buildings are too old and they have passages."

"And we don't have time to wait for back up.", he stated and he wasn't still cleared to use the gun he had. It was mainly for emergency.

"Screw the protocols. He's gonna be yours any way.", Gloria said guessing what was in his mind.

They couldn't rely only on one gun, he knew it. He pulled out his gun asking:

"Ready?"

"Always.", she replied simply.

They jumped out of the car covered by the doors. Hotch released the safety of the gun and Gloria pull her own.

"Interpol! Andrew Marks you are under arrest. Hands in the air and no smart moves!", Gloria shouted.

The man was taken aback for just two seconds. Then he rolled towards his parked car while Hotch fired two times missing him. He should have retrieved his own gun as shots fired towards them forcing them to get cover behind the open doors of the jeep. One bullet smashed the glass window of the driver's door. When they lifted, Gloria shooting, Marks had opened the back door of the car, fired again to make them get cover again and the next thing heard was a car door closing. Marks started the car as Hotch fired shots to the car. Gloria jumped in their jeep, starting the engine and turning on the lights, the siren and the GPS. Hotch got in, too. She pressed a button on her cell on the dashboard and she unparked the car hitting the gear.

"Emily we spotted the UnSub and we are pursuing. It's a red Opel Corsa.", Hotch said.

"Take our positions from the GPS of the car.", Gloria told her.

"And he is armed.", Hotch added.

"OK.", Emily's voice came from the phone.

It was really late and the streets of London were deserted. The wheels of their SUV were squeaking creepily at every turn. He got hold on the door. Gloria was driving worse than Morgan in high speed. But she didn't have much of a chance with their UnSub keeping changing directions abruptly and his car was much smaller than theirs. The temperature had dropped considerably and some ice was formed in some places. In a left turn, they felt the car slipping to the right. Their Unsub had managed to avoid it. Gloria released the gas and the breaks, turning the wheel to the right. Hotch was content that she could drive under those conditions.

"Come on, my boy! Hold on!", she spoke to the car obviously.

He really wished it. If they lost him, they were never going to find him again. After a few seconds she got control again.

"Good boy! That's why I love 4x4!", she said again relieved hitting the gear again to catch up with the vehicle pursued.

Hotch had no idea where they were. They crossed Thames at some point. They were going to the north that was all he could say. They kept going when Hotch recognized that they were turning into Oxford Street. Sirens could be heard around them. There was little traffic. Going towards the centre wasn't a smart move and Marks was smarter than that…

"Where the hell is he going Hotch?"

"**Sometimes there are no words. No clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day…" ~ Aaron Hotchner**

_**And how will the day end? **__**Because this is the last day of pursuing this Unsub…**_

_**And how was Emily after the end of Doyle's mission?  
**_

_**And this is the longest chapter, period. Almost double!**_

_**I know the H/P interaction is little limited by the case and the existence of the other character. But I needed someone for the job and actually they wouldn't solve their personal problems with an UnSub in loose. I use her to give Hotch some insight to Emily's life and.. play a little with my beloved Hotch... :P  
**_

_**It's an inside joke Hotch telling that the car is an Opel. There are no Opel cars in UK. It's a Vauxhall but he is American. :P**_

_**Leave a word if you have the time! Good words are encouraging and bad words are useful! 8-)**_


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter XVI**

"**Between the desire and the spasm, between the potency and the existence, between the essence and the descent, falls the Shadow. ****This is the way the world ends****. ****This is the way the world ends****, ****not with a bang but a whimper." ~ T.S. Elliot**

And before Hotch and Gloria had the chance to make a quick speculation about the UnSub's direction, he turned again towards the Thames, avoiding the police cars that came from the side. They avoided them, too, with such a sharp maneuver that Hotch was really glad it didn't send them off the road. The conditions inside the car were beyond freezing, the icy fog coming in from the broken driver's window with force. He threw a glance to the driver. Gloria was focused on the road and confident with the car. For sure she hadn't developed those driving skills on the job. He had guessed from the beginning that she wasn't the type of person to drive too conventionally. At that moment he was content that she had them, though. But he noticed her shifting one or two times. She was struggling a little. Apparently the abrupt movements and the low temperature didn't help her backside. But she kept going with determination. She had some characteristics similar to Emily's, finally.

And then the unexpected happened. Once they were crossing the Waterloo Bridge, the UnSub's car in the middle of the road just exploded right in front of them, pieces of it flying everywhere. Hotch could swear that he felt their SUV jumping at the loud explosion, the windshield cracked and broke as a piece of metal landed onto it, fortunately stopping there and not continuing on their faces. With not enough distance to stop, Gloria turned the wheel to the right in an attempt to avoid the collision and hit the breaks, certainly aware of what was coming. She managed to turn it straight again, but with no much space between the burning vehicle and the edge of the bridge adding the high speed, the SUV scraped the concrete barrier of the bridge hard. Smoke was filling the car and metal was smashing with a frightening sound. When they had barely passed the explosion, Hotch, unsure if Gloria would be in position to react with the crash on her side, grabbed the wheel and turned it to the left. The car finally came to a stop. Silence fell for one minute, the policemen closing the road and rushing to them, more sirens could be heard from afar. He could feel blood running from his ears. He turned to the woman beside him, her head lying on the seat-head, random scratches on her face from the glass. He had a few himself.

"You shouldn't complain. Your trip to London has it all.", he heard her speaking while she was trying to focus. He wasn't sure if she murmured it or he couldn't hear normally.

"How are you?", he asked concerned.

"The world is turning, my ears are ringing and my upper body hurts like a bitch. I have the most wonderful time of my life. What about you?", she had another thing common with Emily, the dry humor.

"Let's get out of here.", he said opening the door.

A policeman came to assist them. He helped him get out and Gloria crawl through the passenger's door as hers couldn't open. He leaded them towards an ambulance, the paramedic offering her a blanket, noticing her shivering and starting cleaning the wounds on her head. He stood by to proceed what had happened. Was their case finally finished? Was this the end? His hearing wasn't full finally. Being close to an explosion for a second time wasn't a good thing. But he heard the voice coming from a few meters away.

"Hotch! Ria!", Emily was jumping out of the lastly arrived car running to him.

"We're OK.", he said.

"You ears are bleeding. You aren't!", she said to him.

After all that she was expressing her anxiety freely, a feeling that, now he was sure, she kept hiding all those years when he was coming out injured and in trouble. It wasn't only her that she was attracting the danger. It was him, too. Her eyes fell on their crushed car with all the damage on the right side and she turned to Gloria.

"You are going to the hospital, both of you.", she continued, seeing her in worse condition than him. She was dizzy and obviously in pain leaning on the ambulance, her right hand bent on her chest. "Did he blow himself up?"

The fire brigade was already extinguishing the fire.

"It seems so.", he answered.

"I have to deal with the mess. You two go.", she replied.

"We are fine, Emily.", Gloria said, close enough to hear their conversation. Hotch was going to protest, too.

"Let a doctor say that.", Emily said back and looked at him with a look that was saying she wasn't going to negotiate. It was the same stare that he had given to her multiple times trying to convince her to seek medical attention and from his experience he could say that it always worked. So he obliged and got into the ambulance, followed by Gloria. He let her sit on the bed guessing that she is going to need to lie down and he took a seat.

"I really don't want to be in her shoes right now.", Gloria spoke looking through the door at Emily going to speak with an irritated high rate policeman as the paramedic got in, too, and he closed it. "This city goes nuts when an explosion happens."

They arrived at the hospital after a rather quiet ride. Hotch was OK but he had to be careful with his ears and the best wasn't to fly in just three days. He wasn't sure that he was going to anyway. He was already worried that they hadn't finished yet.

As he was walking to the main room of the hospital, cotton in his ears and plasters on the scratches, he saw Gloria sitting on a chair, looking not so much different than him with her right hang from her neck in a cloth.

"Wow… We look like we almost got blown up.", she said getting up swearing under her breath. "I added in my collection one broken and one bruised right ribs. How are your ears?"

"Nothing I haven't heard before.", he spoke.

"It's a good thing that you are still hearing, though.", she joked on his use of that verb when they were talking about ears.

Her tendency to joke after what had nearly happened to them twice was kind of weird. He was expecting that she was going to struggle a lot more. Either she was coping or she was hiding. Despite of the abnormality he smiled.

"It suits you, you know.", she remarked in normal tone. "Smiling.", she clarified after a questioning look from him.

He got confused. It was a neutral comment, he could say that she wasn't implying anything. But he was puzzled with her. Till that morning it was more than clear that she was aggressive towards him and after the moment he appeared in her car she was acting differently and he couldn't read in that behavior.

"Anyway. Let's head out. I hate this sterilized smell and I am high enough on the painkillers they forced me finally to take.", she turned heading to the exit murmuring. "I know, wrong word me, too.", referring to the word 'high' and her history.

Outside, a car and a man that Gloria greeted as Michael was sent from Emily to pick them up.

"What happened doesn't fit the profile.", Hotch spoke once the car started moving. Judging from her look she had guessed, her too, that they weren't finished yet. Their UnSub wouldn't have given up like this. Maybe he would have gone down shooting but not like this. Or did he just tried to take them with him and he failed?

Emily had just concluded her discussion with someone in the bullpen who seemed to be a fireman, when they entered. She looked at them worried. Walking back meant that they were ok basically and her expression was telling that something serious was going on.

"The car exploded with a mechanism.", she informed them her eyes wandering to his face and ears, watching Gloria, too, that took a seat near them.

"He ignited it himself?", Gloria asked.

"We don't know, ma'am.", the man answered her. "The mechanism should have been activated remotely. We are trying to reconstruct it."

"Either he used the remote himself or someone blew him up.", Emily clarified. "And the second means…"

"That he has another partner.", Hotch assumed.

"Nice. We have a contemporary version of Lernaean Hydra.", Gloria commented lifting up wincing.

She was right, though. Every time they got close to a suspect another UnSub appeared.

"You have to give your statement to the police. I couldn't postpone it.", Emily told her.

"OK… Let me get changed first.", she replied not very enthusiastically and walked slowly towards a room in the back. She was uncomfortable with her outfit in the office and she had already received weird glares for the Michael-guy that drove them there.

Emily rubbed her head watching her friend leaving. She was exhausted herself. They were working and they were on edge for the whole day and he was sure that the dealing with the explosion worn her off.

"It's a miracle that you both came out of this walking tonight…"

"The target was to eliminate the lead once again. Not us.", Hotch tried to comfort her. He wasn't so sure , however.

"Hotch, we brought you here and you almost got killed, twice.", she carried on concerned. She was blaming herself for putting him in danger. "If anything…", she started under her breath but she stopped herself. She had already shown her feelings to him enough. She didn't want to seem weaker, he knew that.

'If anything happens to Prentiss or Reid… I don't know…' his own words came to his mind, outside a religious ranch. He almost smiled sadly with the irony. His normal cool self had betrayed him and he had admitted it long-long ago. Reid had been in dangerous situations before. He cared for the young genius like a father. He had seen him suffer in the hands of a serial killer but Hotch had coped. Emily's involvement in that situation was what threw him off his tracks. Thank God for Rossi's coolness that they had a good ending to that. How could he just go back hiding in his hole after all that? Because he thought that his reactions derived from Kate's death… Damn the psychological analysis, once again. But he cared for that woman and he lost her too. There should have been a curse hanging above his head somewhere.

"It's just the job, you know that. You should rest.", Hotch proposed, her well-being becoming his priority for one more time.

"I'm fine. I just need a cup of coffee.", she replied stubbornly.

"Emily, there is nothing we can do till the sun rises. We need a few hours of sleep. We have to be able to think clearly.", he tried to persuade her by saying that he would rest too. It always hurt him when she was pushing herself too far. He could tell that she saw this hurt and she complied finally.

"OK. I need a shower anyway. And someone has to feed Sergio.", she said.

There was no chance he was leaving her to go out there by herself. It was possible that there wasn't any danger for them. Even if there was a partner, he would probably think that they still hadn't figured out if there was one. That was the reality actually. They didn't know who ignited that bomb. But after what had happened with Greenaway years ago, he would prefer Emily to stay put with him but they couldn't carry on like this.

"Do you want me to keep an eye on you?", he asked uncomfortably. She was going to her apartment and he was proposing to go with her.

"I'm a big girl, Hotch. You were in an explosion and a car accident. Just rest.", she answered shaking her head in disagreement.

"Emily, I need to be sure you are ok. Stay in a room in my hotel and I will come with you.", he could propose to her to take someone for security, but he wasn't trusting anyone else to keep her safe. "You aren't the only one that is afraid of that 'if' ", he admitted, making clear that he heard her a few moments ago. "Please.", he added.

Emily looked at him in confusion but she complied. Hearing her former Unit Chief saying 'please' for the very first time to her should have had an impression.

They informed Gloria. She was going to come to the hotel after finishing with her statement, stay in Emily's room. Emily drove him to the hotel. It was better than walking at 4am in deserted, icy London streets. They didn't exchange any other word till the moment he walked her to the door of her room. It was one floor over his. Unfortunately there was no other free one closer.

"Get some sleep.", he told her.

"You, too.", she replied neutrally like she had some years ago, a night that he wished that she had stayed there with him, had a drink, just talked. He couldn't ask for more back then. He couldn't even ask for these. She was the only close person that he had left that time. The bond was there but they hadn't even developed it into friendship. Who knows why? Maybe because they knew they couldn't keep it just to this…

"Call me if you need anything.", he said , as she nodded and got into the room.

He wasn't able to sleep. His ears were still humming. He drifted off only for fifteen minutes and he woke up again abruptly. He would have preferred to sleep on the floor of her room than there. But Emily being Emily would have never let him. His phone rang.

"Hotch? I imagined you aren't sleeping.", Gloria's voice came from the device.

"Are you with Emily?", he asked anxious. At least this could calm him down a little.

"No. I just finished with the statement. Look, I was thinking of something. The two killers were both Catholics and too religious, that means the third, if there is a third, is too. They have a mission against sinners after all.", she started talking.

"Yes, that's right."

"Something that Emily said about Clyde coming to find me and our Executioner seeing him..."

"It was a guess but it was proved.", he replied. He didn't know where all this was going.

"It's highly unlikely. I mean… I was lying in that alley for five hours. If he wanted to come and finish the job he had plenty of time to do it before."

"What do you have in mind?", he asked getting impatient.

"When I… when I was a mess, I used to frequent a catholic church nearby. Don't start again I wasn't talking to anyone.", she rushed to speak, after admitting that she didn't do all these things with light heart, to prevent him from opening his mouth . "But Clyde knew that habit of mine, the second part anyway. When he started searching for me he went there."

"In this way he couldn't make the connection between you and Clyde."

"If it was only the executioner but what if our exploding UnSub was there, too, followed him or something? I had a look in his travelling patterns. He had flown to Austria that time but we have no information if he stayed there. I mean with the EU there could be no record of him crossing the borders, if he used a land mean, train for example. He had done the same trip to Austria four times starting in 2008. He should have had a reason, don't you think? But we have no case in that country."

"That he was going to Rome instead is a vague assumption, you know that.", and not helpful he added in his head.

"Those same days the priest there was waiting a guest, another priest that he was accused for something in US some years ago but never proved. Before you ask, I don't know his name, at least I don't remember. As I told you I wasn't in my best when I was there."

"So you think that there might be a connection. Two American UnSubs, or even one, and a priest with history in US in the same area maybe not a coincidence.", he finished thoughtfully.

"And at least one of them had it on two American agents. What if the third has it too and staged all that and that's why here and not in your side of the planet? And Hotch the church is a way for them to know that 'detail' about me...", she admitted embarrassed.

She had some points. Marks could have easily disappeared. And all what was happening was too personal.

"It's a complete mess… I don't know. Have you ever pissed off a priest before?", Gloria continued.

Hotch froze. Something started to click. A wild idea was in his mind.

"Hotch?", Gloria asked through the phone.

She couldn't understand the reason of his lack of response. Suddenly his instincts and his gut were telling him something. It was a deep feeling that neither he could explain. Sometimes it used to happen to him with Jack, when his little son was ill or in trouble. He was feeling it. He had heard that there is a sixth sense when it comes to mothers with their kids. So he used to think that after the absence of Halley for so many years he developed it himself. But now he was feeling it for Emily.

"Come here with back up.", he told her.

"Hotch is everything alright?", she asked clearly stressed.

"Yes but… I don't know.", he answered confused with himself.

"OK. As fast as possible.", she said and ended the call.

To his surprise Gloria didn't stand to talk facts with him. She followed his judgment without her usual comments. 'Judgment'? Hotch would have never acted like this in any other circumstances. He didn't have a single clue, a single real fact that what was in his mind was even near the truth. But his gut was telling him that this was the truth and there was an immediate danger.

He ran the steps up to Emily's room, in no time. But as he was approaching the door of Emily's apartment he heard a voice, a voice he had heard before, the voice of the man he had thought. And that man had killed before.

"What do you have to say Emily?"

Hotch hadn't made it before him and at that moment he wasn't just scared. 'The last time you sent me home, Hotch, you got me shot!' Greenaway's words rang in his ears. The image of Halley's dead body flushed in front of his eyes. Mistakes that he regretted his whole life. He failed his agent and his son's mother. In both times he thought that he had control, that he could manage, overestimating his powers but he failed. The fear of something similar happening with Emily was almost paralyzing. For the first time in his life, the stoic Aaron Hotchner was panicking.

"**Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it." ~ ****C. JoyBell C.**

_**And the big question: Who is the UnSub? **_

_**Hotch didn't become a medium. Let's just say that he made an educated guess and that you feel the people you love… ;) Everything will be explained in the next chapter.**_

_**I hoped I finish this till Christmas but I am not so sure anymore. All my calculations failed. Now I can say safely that we have other 3 to 4 chapters plus the epilogue… Maybe the Christmas epilogue will come a little after Christmas or it will become New Year's epilogue. That's an option. Anyway… I'll see.**_

_**Share your thoughts with me through the box below. ;) **_

_**Whoever finds the UnSub gets a prize! It's not too difficult. 8-)**_


	17. Chapter 17

_**HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!**_

**Chapter XVII**

"**The course of true love never did run smooth. Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but Love." ~ ****William Shakespeare**

Hotch shook his head in disappointment. He should have thought of him sooner. But how could he think that the missing connections were Emily and… Shakespeare?

Father Paul Silvano, the priest that killed Emily's friend and two other people performing exorcisms. They never had an extensive investigation about his actions. Obviously he had a greater activity than the mission he had taken up himself. Emily stopped him then. Emily was trying to stop him now. She had told him that she was hanging out with Gloria. They had been in Soho plenty of times consequently. Even if through Gloria they had made the connection, the reason they were in London was Emily. She was the target that the first UnSub had missed and started killing randomly, attacking that pregnant woman.

This was when the mistake was made and 'the English squad' –as Garcia was calling them– started cornering them. They couldn't escape. The head of this unreasonable mission against sinners knew that they would finally find him at the end. He eliminated his partners and he was for the final chapter. And at that moment the priest had caught his main target. He was there to make a final point. God, Hotch barely made it on time, thanks to Gloria's thoughts.

Hotch couldn't wait for back up. He didn't know how long the priest was in Emily's room. He didn't even know if Emily was already hurt. That thought made his heart skip one more bit. If Emily was hurt, he was pretty aware that he wouldn't be in position to hold his temper, like just the other time with Haley. He held the gun firmer in his hand. The door wasn't fully closed, so he had a way in without alerting the whole hotel before time or causing any general panic. However that only meant one thing, that the priest was expecting him, him or Gloria.

He took a breath and pushed it lightly. The sooner someone got there, the more were the chances for Emily to come out unhurt. No, that time he wasn't going to let the story end the same way.

"Father Paul Silvano. FBI.", he called following the normal procedure.

What Hotch saw made it harder for him to remain calm. The priest was at the left corner of the room. He was holding Emily, covering himself behind her, pressing a gun to her head and Emily was apparently dizzy and half-conscious. She was barely standing up.

"Agent Hotchner. I was expecting you. What happened? Finally did you decide that you couldn't stay away from this woman?"

That UnSub had sensed something before. He was going to use it. Hotch was sure of that…

"Hotch…", Emily called him with not so much strength in her voice.

Hotch tried too hard to concentrate and let his training and the profiler in him to kick in. He couldn't see any wounds on her. That priest had used some kind of drug in spraying water, before. Maybe he had done something similar now. Otherwise, Emily was a fighter. She would have had him on the ground by now.

"Don't worry, Agent Hotchner. Emily is just feeling weak.", the priest told him in his unsettling smooth tone, noticing his eyes checking Emily.

"Let her go.", he ordered.

"Or what? Are you going to kill me?", the priest told him, untouched.

"I can promise you that.", he warned him dangerously.

Hotch had his gun aiming at the priest. But he didn't have a clear shot. He couldn't shoot without risking Emily's life. He was completely hidden behind her. His hand holding the gun was covering his head and he wasn't completely still. There was a high possibility for her to get caught between his bullet and the UnSub. And nothing could assure him that the priest wouldn't press his trigger falling. He knew that there wasn't a civilian in the priest's hands, but another agent. He had to take the shot the best moment, whatever the cost. But he couldn't bring himself to that.

"Are you, really, going to shoot, Agent Hotchner?", the priest told him, pretty aware of what was going on, "Can you?"

"Hotch, it's ok.", Emily tried to cut him off and Hotch saw trust in her eyes, trust that, even if anything happened to her, it wouldn't be his fault.

"Can you be responsible for another woman's that you love death?", the UnSub carried on.

"He doesn't love me.", Emily replied.

Hotch didn't know how much she believed it or she was just saying it to make him fear that in any way or another he was going to end up dead.

"That's your belief, Emily?", the priest smiled to her creepily and he turned to him. "I just came here to have a talk. I want to bring some peace. Drop your gun, Agent Hotchner, because in any other way I plan to take her with me, even if I don't like the use of guns."

Emily saw the doubt in his eyes. The priest was right. He would never be able to carry on with his life, if he caused Emily's death. The trained agent and the man in love were having a battle inside him. And the latter won. He couldn't risk her life. He just couldn't. He would prefer to die with her than to hold her dead body like he had done with Haley. So he put the gun in the air.

"OK.", he said.

"No…", Emily whispered and there was fear in her eyes, fear not for herself, but for him.

His action made it too easy for the priest to just kill them on the spot, both of them. But among his feelings, his profiling knowledge told him that indeed the priest wasn't going to use the gun to kill them, if not forced to. He was ritualizing the killings. The gun was just too easy, too quick and too brutal. If he was going to use any kind of chemical, they were in trouble, he had a gun or not. Hotch could buy some time. Back up was on its way. He didn't know, however, if it could actually help…

"Drop it and kick it towards me.", the UnSub instructed.

Hotch complied and his gun sidled to the priest's left side, the side he was holding Emily. Silvano smiled.

"Not exactly what you are trained to do. Am I right?", he said raising an eybrow.

"You are.", Hotch admitted.

"I've told you before, Agent Hotchner. 'There is no Evil Angel but Love.' For love we surpass what he have learned, what we are obliged to do. Do you remember?"

That tendency to quote Shakespeare: 'There is no evil angel but love.', that was what helped Hotch figure out who was their third UnSub. His mind flashed back to the night they were driving the priest to the DC airport:

"_You took too many risks to cancel my immunity, Agent Hotchner.", the priest had told him at some point during the ride._

"_Someone had to stop you.", Morgan had answered but the priest's attention was directed towards Hotch and only._

"_You should really appreciate that agent of yours, Emily."_

"_Gladly for all of us she was right about you.", Morgan continued answering without giving credit to why the priest was ignoring him._

"_Agent Hotchner, there is only one thing that forces people surpass their boundaries, no matter how these boundaries are called: procedures, rules or ethics: Love." Hotch gave him a look through the rear mirror. "And 'there is no evil angel, but love.' ", the priest finished._

_Hotch didn't answer. There was no point to feed the priest's speculations. Maybe he didn't want to dig more into himself to find the truth beneath the phrase. Rossi had pressed him back then but actually it was him that agreed to take the hard part, to deal with the bureaucracy. Morgan had thrown him a curious, short look but he never brought the subject up again._

"I do.", Hotch admitted.

"Do you know the first part of that quote?"

"'They do not love that do not show their love.'", Hotch quoted.

"And now you prefer to die with her, instead of provoking of her death. For the monster that you have in you, you are making a great step.", the priest remarked. He had heard their talk for him. He had used that tone that the priests use to give advice and courage. But considering what he had done and what he was intending to do that only made it darker and sicker.

"What do you want, Paul Silvano?", he asked wanting to change the direction of the conversation away from the fact that he just showed love, the love that he was hiding for so long letting Emily think that there was nothing there.

"To give you and her a chance for redemption."

"He has nothing to do with your visit here.", Emily spoke, certainly afraid of what that 'redemption' meant.

"Oh no. He is. Even if I am too thankful to God for bringing you again in my way, I'm glad that He brought him too. You wouldn't have stopped me before if it wasn't him."

That was an advantage, Hotch thought. The UnSub wasn't only focused on Emily. He could be satisfied with just him. The priest was planning to kill them in any way or another and even if back up was coming, they had to burst through that door and shoot instantly. He had to make the priest let Emily go. That was the priority.

"So is that what you are giving the people you assassinated? Redemption?", Hotch asked.

"I am sending those people to a better place.", he answered. Of course. He had the same illusion when he was killing people during exorcisms.

"You changed the way of making that happen, though." Hotch kept up the conversation.

"For a man to kill a God's worker, a priest, to attack the church, agent Hotchner, something too evil should have entered his spirit. It should be removed. The rest, they were just sinners, people committing evil actions. I'm giving them back what they had lost by sinning, their angel's wings."

"Dying doesn't sound too much as redemption to me.", Emily spoke more forcefully. Hotch was getting the idea that her dozing off was starting to subside. That was good.

"Your friend should have told you Emily. Just before you die you feel relieved. Anything that you have done doesn't matter anymore. This is the redemption."

Hotch noticed Emily's eyes darkening. She knew that feeling. She had asked Morgan to let her go, to find relief, rest. He rushed to speak.

"There is another form of redemption, Father. Forgiveness."

"Who is going to forgive you for what you done, agent Hotchner?"

"No one. But I can forgive Emily."

"Are you going to forgive her for sleeping with an Irish terrorist for profit? Forgive a whore for selling her own body? As what?", the priest answered with great interest. At least Hotch had gotten his attention.

Hotch felt disgust with the priest's words. This wasn't Emily. This wasn't his Emily.

"As her ex-boss I should have accused her of hiding vital issues, as her friend of lying and as… as a man that loves her of betrayal." He locked his eyes with hers that were staring at him in surprise. He needed her to know that he meant every last word that he was about to say.

"I can forgive her as all the three of them…"

He wanted to say those things under much different circumstances, not with her life in danger, not with his own life in danger, not knowing if they would have a second chance to say the same words.

"But I never thought of her in that way. I think I had already forgiven her, before even anything crossed my mind. I made mistakes but these were my faults…", his voice trailed off.

Tears had starting run down Emily's face. She would have sensed his love the moment he gave up that gun but hearing him just made it too real.

"She had her redemption. Let her go and keep me.", he added averting his eyes from Emily and looking at the priest who was watching them.

Still crying Emily shook her head negatively. She wasn't planning to let him sacrifice himself.

"Father, I know that feeling, the relief you are talking about.", she admitted. "I need it. He doesn't. He is too hard with himself for what he has done saving his own son, doing the right thing! There is no way to blame that on him!", she voiced louder.

'Is that what you are looking for? A way to blame this on him?' She had used the same words during Strauss' interrogation. Hotch had read the reports. The woman that he loved always had his back, whatever he had done in his life. She was trying to save this life.

"He has no monster in him! He is a great, brave man and a loving, sweet father!", she continued.

As they were trying to save one another and at the same time putting an end at the torture of years, giving each other the, so sickly violated by the priest, meaning of redemption, a the sound from a police siren came from the outside. The back up should have already gotten there and someone didn't follow the order, that certainly was there, to not alert attention. The priest moved a little towards the window covered, getting surprised. He hadn't counted the possibility of Hotch having called the police and the others. Emily took advantage of the situation and she tried to escape, starting struggling but he moved his free arm to her throat pressing it hard, causing another rush of panic to run through Hotch's veins.

The things were getting from worse to worst. Now the priest knew that he was trapped.

"You have no way out, anymore!", Hotch shouted. "Give up if you want to come out alive."

"Who's said you that I plan to anymore, Agent Hotchner?", the priest replied. That was exactly what Hotch was afraid of. "And you are going to be the last part of my mission."

"I agree with you, Father.", another known voice came from behind.

Hotch was surrounded by a smell that existed around him till the moment he landed in that country and at that moment he noticed it consciously, the smell of expensive perfume mixed with tobacco.

"**No evil dooms us hopelessly except the evil we love, and desire to continue in, and make no effort to escape from.****" ~ ****George Eliot**

_**Another cliff hanger… OK, sorry for the too "epic" thing with the description at the end. I just couldn't help it! You know about who I am talking about. Is there that person for good or bad finally?**_

_**I'm really sorry it took me so long to update. Busy Christmas, work and so on didn't let me much free time. Adding to this that we are in the last parts and I write almost all the rest of the chapters together, the whole thing just takes longer. However, because the others following are already half-written and many issues were solved in this chapter, they are going to be up quicker. And I can say that some interesting scenes are about to come…**_

_**As for the scene with Hotch not taking the shot, afraid for Emily's life, I should give the credit to the: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and the episode: Fault, when Olivia doesn't shoot a child's kidnapper, even with the child's life in danger, afraid of killing Elliot in the process. I always consider it the top scene for a cops or agents' love story.**_

_**And exchanging feelings with a gun around… I think it was the only way to make Hotch finally talk! Hehehee! (And I had thought it before the last episode with Reid. Poor boy, by the way… At the end of the episode, I was like WTF? All that for this? Anyway let's wait and see if the writers are hiding something up their sleeves.) Honestly, I couldn't imagine Hotch saying the words he said unbiased. Starting kissing Emily unbiased but without talking I could. But just talking under normal conditions? Not all! **_

_**Spoiler: Hotch won't be able to avoid taking that shot.**_

_**It has been long since the last chapter. Consequently, it has been long since I last heard from you. So review to let me know what you think!**_


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter XVIII**

"**I always tell the truth. Even when I lie." ~ ****Al Pacino**

Hotch turned and saw the Interpol agent standing on his left, a few steps behind. She had taken advantage of the priest's distraction and slipped inside. But she wasn't holding a gun. So what the hell did she have in her mind? However she managed to drag the priest's attention away from Emily but not his gun. The grip of his hand loosened, though. Emily coughed a little. That gave Hotch some relief.

"Monica, or should I say Gloria?", the priest said.

"In flesh and blood. Not too long time since Rome, don't you think?", Gloria said.

The priest had noticed the woman back there. Monica should have been her alias name. Or did they actually know each other? Hotch was getting nervous. The bad feeling for her that he had till the first moment he met her came back. She couldn't be a part of this, could she?

"Your real name is too beautiful for what you were doing there. But you know what I mean, don't you?", he continued.

"About the last part of your mission? I have an idea…", she replied neutrally giving Hotch a quick glare. She knew what he was thinking for one more time. Damn the woman sometimes she could see straight into his head. She was telling him that they were on the same side and she had a plan. She had called the back up. Of course, they were on the same side. But his instincts were in overdrive with the situation.

They were, also, in a room with an UnSub that had nothing to lose, knew that he was trapped, Emily was in danger and Hotch was there with an agent whose tactics didn't know and he couldn't trust that she was in position to handle the situation they were in. He had to find out what she had in her mind. He had to inform her about the priest's old MO with the chemicals, too. She couldn't know that for sure.

"A priest holding a gun. Quite the contradiction. I knew that the priests are like Englishmen, having a gun but always keeping it in the drawer."

This phrase was from a book, he thought. Her quote didn't fit. 'Englishmen'… She was telling him that she had a gun on her.

"No one is going to learn about your mission, if you get killed.", Hotch played the card of the recognition to the priest to prevent him from focusing on the gun thing.

"Unlike you, agent Hotchner, I don't seek for recognition … I don't have ambitions."

"The guys out there are ready to call you terrorist. Shootings to the police building, explosions and now you are threatening to kill the head of Interpol and a high-rate FBI agent. These sound like terrorism around here.", Gloria said, at least she was following his lead.

"And the use of chemicals, as well." Hotch added enlightening the other agent about the Silvano's MO.

"I've seen that before.", Emily spoke looking at Hotch with a look that he recognized after so many years working with her.

Hotch's assumption was right. He had drugged her with a chemical and Emily knew where he was keeping them.

"People don't need to know.", the priest replied. Nice, the guy was killing people for the greater good. "But you didn't mention yourself.", he continued looking at Gloria.

"No one gives a damn about me.", she replied and Hotch could say that she was believing it too much.

"Gloria…", Emily spoke. She was sensing faster than Hotch where all this was going. She knew her.

"Good, however, Father, because your mission wants to make a point but I am getting confused with the last part.", Gloria spoke again.

What was that twist? Hotch noticed that she was calm beyond coolness and he got worried. She wasn't planning on antagonizing him, was she?

"You should understand it better than anyone. Redemption, Gloria, you were asking for it. You still do.", the priest replied.

"I don't know what are you talking about.", she replied indifferently.

"You are a lost soul. I saw it myself in Rome...", the priest said in his soothing tone that was giving Hotch chills.

"'Lost soul?' You make it sound so dramatic, like I was some broken butterfly.", she interrupted him, smiling ironically.

She had arrogance in her voice, too much of it and her tone was cold. He had no idea where all this was going. But Emily's eyes were telling him to trust her. Arrogance? The woman had never shown a single hint of it since he met her. That was one single thing that he couldn't put in her character at all.

"Weren't you broken, Gloria?", the priest continued in his own spooky calm tone. "Coming into that church? I remember you in that corner, broken, lost, asking God for relief. You felt it on that ground, bleeding to death. Just like the woman in that alley…", the priest told.

He had seen the woman's lowest. The priest was bringing up things that could break the agent given her issues. Hotch had witnessed himself that she was affected by what they had seen that morning, her anger and her will for revenge, even in her small phrases they were there. But to his surprise she didn't even flinch. Thank God she was handling the situation better that he had thought. She could handle herself despite of the emotional luggage she was carrying around.

"Who has you said, Father, that the criminal doesn't pray to God to not get caught? I was high every time I was in that church. Where have you seen that in law enforcement job description.", she answered in the same tone. "Anyway. I know you are not terrorist. I know your mission but as I said I have lost your point somewhere.", Gloria continued folding her arms in front of her. "Emily killed a terrorist. That Hotch's guy, I think, deserved it as much. Come on. Wouldn't you have killed them yourself if you could? So where is the point of all this? You have the only contract with God to clean the Earth from sin?"

Hotch was getting even more worried. She was using the staged crimes. But there was a problem with these scenes. She was the victim in hers. He intervened. She had made a point that they could use.

"She is right, Silvano. In many ways we are just like you. I don't know if we sent them to better place but certainly we made this place better." And he wasn't lying exactly… Nice now he was dragging himself into the priest's fantasy…

"I knew that deep down you, you would understand.", the priest said looking him in the eye.

"What do you mean?", Hotch asked.

"You, Aaron, you are like me."

Hotch was getting confused, not exactly confused but this whole thing was getting too dark. He noticed Gloria taking some steps closer to the priest taking advantage from his distraction with him. The priest wasn't considering her a danger apparently. She was stealing glances towards Hotch. She had tried to press a priest's button but they finally pressed another one without knowing.

"You just wanted him dead. You said it yourself.", Silvano said.

"Who wouldn't? The man had killed as many people as you.", Emily spoke trying to cover him but the priest pressed his hand to her throat again, not much but enough to stop her from talking and he carried on.

"Emily is not like me. She didn't pull the trigger to kill Doyle. You killed Foyet for torturing you and killing your wife. And you killed Doyle too for torturing this woman. You let your team find him when it wasn't your business. In any way you really pulled that trigger. You, you know how it is the will to kill and to kill someone because of what they have done and are still doing."

"Yes I do.", Hotch admitted.

The man could sense the truth, so many times… Just like Hotch knew minutes ago that he wouldn't be able to hold his temper if the priest had hurt Emily, the same way he knew back when they were looking for Emily, that he would have put that bullet between Doyle's eyes for hunting her, for hurting her, even if he had told Clyde that he wouldn't. At the end he did, even if not literally. How many times had he thought that he was so good in finding UnSubs because he could be one of them? Uncountable…

"Emily has suffered enough for her sins. She used the feelings for a monster. But she got her punishment by having real feelings for another one. Let her out of this.", Hotch tried to convince the priest, making the phrase with difficulty. This thing was too messy...

"This was your redemption, Aaron, to admit exactly this: the monster…", the priest answered, ignoring the first part of Hotch's quote.

"Like he needed it. The guy is carrying around his regrets like the weight of the world.", Gloria spoke, the arrogance back in her voice. She wasn't trying to give Hotch excuses. She was trying to manipulate the conversation. They had hit a dead end and they had to stay ahead of the UnSub. Any pause could mean that all of them were dead.

"And you don't, Gloria?", the priest turned to her. "You know, you are a lot like him. Another evil chasing evil… All of you here, playing the tough and the perfect, when you are nothing of that, chasing the evil, when you are exactly that… But you, Gloria, were already asking for redemption. Do you want to confess my child?"

"Seriously? Come on Father. They confess those that they have regrets. Whatever I was doing down there, believe it or not I was doing it long before it was for 'chasing evil'? How do you think I was recruited in Interpol?", Gloria smiled ironically. "I didn't have regrets back then, would I have now?"

Given her talk with Emily in her office, Hotch was getting aware that part of her story was true. She was recruited pretty young judging from her narration in the car but maybe she wasn't for the youngster of the year award before…

"Ask, Agent Hotchner, he never discovered that I had a single one.", she turned to Hotch.

Her eyes were cold, but she was trying to tell him something. At that moment Hotch quickly registered that she had a habit of adressing to him as 'agent Hotchner' when they were disagreeing, fighting whatever to call it. The moments that they were getting along she was calling him Hotch. And "discovered"? She had told him on the phone that she went to the church while she was a mess. She had too many of them but she was playing a role. She was lying and she was asking him to play along.

Arrogance… Pride… "From that sin the angles fell…" The will to ignore and be better than God made the angels fall. Shakespeare was speaking about ambition, arrogance. Gloria was showing that sin. She was actually playing a character with that sin. This was dangerous. A single proper phrase could make her the target in the purest way and she was asking him to accuse her. The UnSub had said he was like him. He could influence him. Hotch didn't want to come to this point. But it was the only way out. Emily was already light head. Gloria should have been the person that the priest knew the least about. He wouldn't be able to turn the game. Hotch should play along. She wanted for sure Emily out of the priest's hands and he had to trust that she had a survival plan in mind for herself, even if he wasn't so sure about that. He didn't want to sacrifice another person to save Emily. She would never forgive him…

"She didn't, Aaron?", the priest asked obviously a little bit puzzled with the turn.

"No. And even when they things were getting ugly she was hiding things." , Hotch spoke strictly and he saw Emily's eyes turning anxiously towards him. She had a pretty good idea where all this was going and she was getting frightened that he was pushing it.

"Of course, saving my ass was more important than solving your case!", she answered to him with force. "I am neither the hero stuff that you think you are, not the angel stuff that she thinks she is."

"I had an idea.", Hotch said anger in his voice. That agent, even when he knew it was staged, she could pretty provoke him.

"To do what I was doing, agent Hotchner, you don't survive playing the criminal. You are one of them. But you are the useful stuff."

"Then why did you start the case, Gloria?", the priest asked not very convinced with their play. "Why did you go looking for Marks?"

"Oh I had a new boss to please. I got stuck in the same position for all these years the last time she was around. Spies make the perfect mules, you know."

"There should have been some pretty good reasons!", Hotch said in his strict tone.

"Oh! Come on, Agent Hotchner! Being a little bit dirty always helps."

"What did you find about her, Emily?", the priest turned to Emily.

Hotch noticed a glimpse of anxiety passing Gloria's eyes. She was dragging him into her play but she didn't want to mix Emily. But she nodded to her the moment the priest wasn't looking at her.

"She... she was involved with a gang as teenager.", Emily spoke uncomfortable with the situation.

"This is not enough to ground someone, you know I know. If she is what she says, you don't care to protect her, do you?", the priest said still not convinced.

"Pff.. Just say it. You were the reason he dumped me to return to his wife, finally!", Gloria pressed her to speak.

"She had an affair with her still married boss.", Emily said some confusion in her voice.

Gloria was taking advantage of the priest's distraction with what was being said and she was getting closer to him.

"I had sensed that the woman down there was too bad to fight for good, even when we learned your real identity.", the priest said biting the bait.

If Gloria was playing it that well, Hotch was absolute sure. Damn the woman was dangerous. She could fool him, himself. But he knew that in reality there was more to the previous story. The two women wouldn't get along so well if this was the truth.

"In that world, Father, the virtue thing doesn't really work, only if you are Mother Theresa and she wouldn't have even survived two days, not years. And I'm very glad that I am not. Otherwise I would have been stuck between folders like your weak friend Marks."

"You want to play the tough but you aren't. I saw you in that woman's crime scene, Gloria, troubled, frightened…"

"Her real problem was that we found out that she wasn't so clean for one more time.", Hotch spoke throwing her a line to tell.

"Oh yeah. Another boss around here finding out. Do you think I was feeling relief dying there? I was thinking that I had seen enough to know that something was wrong down there but my boss ignored me. For one more time I was better than him", she said rising her eyebrow.

Hotch was surprised. He could sense that it was the absolute truth. Had she told Clyde? He had pressed his agent beyond the normal point and even after that, had he ignored her warning? Of course, the "you know there is a serial killer out there" phrase was extreme but he had to take her in mind. He knew, for sure, that she was using from time to time but he was the one that had brought her to that point. She was a capable agent, Hotch had seen that during the case but she was even more than just a good agent. Hotch suddenly was feeling too guilty for his attitude and even for the words he had said during that "play". She had become fit for the victimology completely, though, and he knew that now only one line remained.

"As for the church it was the quietest place for the drugs to wear off. I wasn't asking for any redemption, Father. I don't believe in any god."

"Then you are going to be the first to find it.", the priest had gotten enraged with the last part.

And then everything happened too fast. Gloria had managed to get really close to him with her last phrase. The priest turned the gun towards her and fired but only after she had jumped to the side grabbing his hand, even with her condition and her injuries, avoiding the barrel. Her unexpected move forced him to let Emily go, who reached quickly into his pocket dragging a small bottle, the chemical he was planning to use. She fell on the other side coughing hard. Hotch dove towards the gun lying beside on his way to help Gloria. But he heard her yelp of pain. She had fought the priest but she couldn't make him drop the gun and as she had reached for hers he managed to grab her right hand and pull it behind her back violently. The priest had the advantage to know her problem. An armed policeman burst through the door of the hotel room hearing the gun shot.

"Don't…", Emily ordered the young man.

"You really do look for redemption but you want to play the hero.", the priest told Gloria whose face was twisting in pain.

Hotch paused for a moment. They came to the same condition as earlier. But now the woman struggling in the priest's hands wasn't Emily and he didn't have a completely clear shot just like before. Hotch knew that this time he should act like he was trained to do. In any way the others would do it.

"You are not going out of this room, Silvano.", Hotch told.

"Are you going to shoot this time, Agent Hotchner? What the woman that you love is going to think now that you feel ok to kill her friend? You couldn't cause Emily's death but you can hers?"

"Take the damn shot, Hotch!", Gloria shouted at him, trying to escape or to make space for him to shoot.

She was looking straight at him and not at the others that appeared from the door following the first one. Hotch locked his eyes with Gloria's. She blinked in acceptance. She was giving him her OK.

"No, you were right. He is just OK with killing the sinner, just like I do", the priest told the struggling woman in his hands. "Just like me.", he added pressing the gun to her neck.

"He is nothing like you.", Emily said.

Hotch heard trust in Emily's voice. Emily trusted him that he could shoot without harming her friend, like she had done, when it was her in danger. She trusted him more than he trusted himself.

He fired aiming at Silvano's head the moment they had the further distance, wishing strongly that they didn't move, or the UnSub didn't press his trigger in the few milliseconds that the bullet took to hit its target…

"**We don't need wings to be angels. We don't need reasons to be right. Your love makes us all better, that who we really are, Angels and Heroes at heart…" ~ ****Brian Littrell**

_**It was a hard chapter but I loved it! I hope you do, too!**_

_**Another cliffhanger and no spoilers this time…**_

_**Looking forward to the new CM eppie with TG directing and your reviews!**_


	19. Chapter 19

_**I hope that they let this chapter to become visible finally. I noticed many around here had the same problem on Saturday night (GMT+0 time)...**_

_**There is a slight change in the previous chapter, too. I thought that the 'play' part needed to get a little better.**_

**Chapter XIX**

"**Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.****" ~ ****Oscar Wilde**

Hotch's ears started ringing after the sound of the shot but he stayed still, following the path of the bullet as he was trained to. The only thing that he heard through that ringing was the sound of two bodies falling, not a second shot, just one. The bullet had found its target.

He approached the fallen persons. The priest body had covered Gloria's. But the agent wasn't moving. Emily ran towards them. Ignoring the ringing, Hotch kicked the gun out of the man's hand and checked his pulse. He was dead, gunshot to the head. Everything was finished at least for their UnSub but he didn't know about the agent. Emily kneeled, entangled her friend from the priest's body and turned her on her back. Gloria was unconscious, she had blood on her.

"No! No, you can't… It can't… Ria! Ria!", Emily was mumbling checking the other woman for visible injuries. There was no wound on her.

Gloria squeezed her eyes.

"I'm OK.", she whispered.

Hotch let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding.

"Thank God!", Emily sighed, pushing Gloria's hair out of her face.

Fighting with the pain, she finally opened her eyes looking at her surroundings and giving him a short, thankful glance. She had a bad back and a broken rib, for sure the fight and the abrupt fall only made them worse. But at least it was just that.

"Are you sure? You were out for a while.", Emily continued, looking at the other woman's face with worry and care.

"The blood is his. I'm fine.", Gloria repeated nodding.

"You shouldn't…", Emily started.

"Emily… We are all OK. That's all that matters.", Gloria said reassuringly looking at her with meaning and then at him. Was she trying to tell Emily something? "And I'm sorry for whatever I said.", she continued closing her eyes in embarrassment.

Hotch shook his head. There was nothing for her to be sorry about.

"I am the one that should be sorry.", Emily apologized for what was uncovered during the discussion with the UnSub.

"You know that you didn't participate at the end. You left. You decided that you hate politics. Remember?", she smiled, her eyes on Emily again and her hand went to hers.

"But I didn't stop it. You were doing too good and they stuck on nonsense, because…! They forced you to…"

There should have been a political game behind that story. When Emily had told him that politics makes people distrustful, makes them hate themselves, she wasn't speaking about her mother but about herself…

"Nothing like that happened. I never tried to get out, go up, whatever…", Gloria murmured. Her eyes were glistening and she turned them away from them, "I… Richard got killed, Em…",

Emily was surprised. Obviously her friend had never told her. This was the other reason she was taking the fall again and again, doing everything for the job, putting her life on the line. Emily, in her surprise and sadness, turned instinctively and looked at Hotch. There was fear in her eyes but a familiar fear, if anyone could describe that painful, anxious expression, that she seemed so much used to, like that. Lying on the floor was the worst scenario for both of them. There, in Emily's eyes, was the fear of anything happening to him, the fear she had compartmentalized all those years, and of what she would have done. Right there, in front of him, was himself when his family was ripped away from him and the answer to the 'I don't know' that he had said outside that religious ranch: the 'obsession with the chase', the jeopardizing of his own life with nothing to hold on to.

"Timing can be too bad but life too short. What am I saying after what has happened, eh?", Gloria returned on her casual tone and started to get up from the floor unsuccessfully.

"Just stay down. Help is on its way.", Emily said putting her hand on the younger agent's shoulder.

"Don't worry. Get yourself looked, you have too many Englishmen to calm down outside. Your man was so anxious that we moved the whole city.", she smiled again.

Emily squeezed her shoulder gently. Hotch offered his hand to Emily. It wasn't needed but he needed some physical connection to assure himself that she was alive, that they had made it through. She took his and stood up looking at him with the same face that she had when he woke in the hospital after Foyet's attack, that look of relief and thankfulness, that he was there, OK and all of them were too.

Hotch saw Gloria trying to get up again. She could barely move her right side and she should have hit her head falling. He knew that she was stubborn enough to do it instead of all. So he bent and put his hand below her body.

"Lean on me.", he murmured and helped her up trying not to put pressure on any hurt areas.

"Thanks.", she told him the moment she was steady on her feet. "Go to Emily. It's alright." And she moved to the side as a medic approached her.

Emily was getting checked and she was talking to a police officer. She was alright. Hotch spoke to another and gave his gun for whatever investigation was about to follow. Emily reassured him that everything was fine avoiding his eyes, not the moment to face what had been told. Why did everything have to come to them in so many abnormal situations?

He wanted to go out and, as his eyes scanned the room, he noticed Gloria missing. He had heard her arguing at some point with the paramedic. For sure she wasn't planning to go to the hospital. When he got out of the room he saw the stairs leading up. The profiler in him told him that she would have gone up, not down. They were on the top floor. That only left the roof and the door was open. He saw her slim figure sitting on a bench. Gloria was a beautiful woman. He hadn't even noticed it, too occupied with her profiling, his gut feelings, the case, Emily. She had worn an Interpol jacket, not bothering to pull her long, curly, fire-red hair out of it. Her features were Mediterranean, he could tell. Only her too pale complexion and her green eyes towards the view in front of her showed that she had some northern European origin. She was holding a cigarette on her left hand and with her right a pendant hanging with a long chain from her neck. He had seen the chain last night but the pendant was always hidden behind her clothes.

He stepped outside. It was rather cold but the sky almost clear. The sun was rising over London and the height of the hotel was giving a very nice view over the city.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?", she said hearing his steps, not bothering to turn.

He nodded when he got closer. It was marvelous indeed.

"How are you?", he said not averting his eyes from the natural and human miracle combined.

"Getting the chance to watch a sunrise over London is always fine.", she answered in dismissive tone.

He turned and gave her a concerned look. She was shutting herself off again. He sat down beside her. He wouldn't let her drop it. He could see himself in her, finally. She had been going to normal mode too quickly, changing moods too quickly. He knew now why. She wasn't unstable or having PTSD or anything that his professional mind had told him. She was suffering and she was hiding, putting a façade to do right those godforsaken jobs that they both had. He was afraid of the rise of the monster in him, he had forced it down for his son, for the women that he loved, but she had embraced it by using it, resulting in harming herself. He had done it in the same ways when he had no one in his life, neither Haley, Jack nor Emily. Actually, she was the worst version of him and she had neglected her life too many times, the same way he had when he had gone into that house with a mentally ill man going after his abusive father.

"You have to…"

"What? Talk about I have done, passed, felt, whatever? Don't give advice, Hotch, that you don't follow.", she cut him off sensing his intentions.

"Sometimes I don't think that I helped myself too much like this…", he admitted.

"It's the character, you know. You can't force it. You are used to hide behind that strict, reserved look of yours. I am used to hide behind the smart ass comments and aggressive tactics of mine. Sharing is not in our blood."

"The truth is that we are afraid of what we may discover about ourselves, if we put in words what's in our head…", he said not accusingly.

He wasn't criticizing her. He was saying what he had felt himself, burying and burying things. She had heard him with UnSub. She knew what he was talking about. Gloria looked at him in acceptance but she didn't answer.

"Gloria…", he said noticing that it was just the second time he called with her given name since he met her and the first time he was meaning it.

She seemed to notice it, too. He was trying to make her talk not as a boss but out of concern. She bent her head and let out a breath. He saw a change in her body language. She wasn't stiff anymore. The façade had dropped. Then and there he was going to speak finally with her real self, the one that wanted him to know the whole story after he judged her on that alley, the one that respected the boundaries even his constant attacks, that didn't ask his story respecting his privacy, the one that was Emily's friend and willed to sacrifice herself for her.

"Discover what do we think that we know or do we really know it already, Hotch?", she asked.

She was asking if the priest was right, if they were chasing evil when they were exactly that. He had admitted it and she had played it. She was a woman with all the bios and the skills to be a professional criminal. He had too many violent genes and an enough bad childhood to become one of the men he used to catch. But both they didn't end up like this. There should have been more to that.

She was looking at him with big eyes. She was asking for answers. He was older. He should have been the wisest. He wished he had an answer for both of them. But he didn't have. He could say only what he had noticed after so many years of profiling people, watching people hiding dark secrets, good people including himself doing too bad things.

"We categorize ourselves. Good – bad, sinners – saints, monsters – heroes. But there is no white and black in this world, only grey, dark or darker. Nothing and no one's perfect."

"I think it sounded perfect.", Gloria replied.

Her tone reminded Hotch of a time that he had said that same thing, while talking with JJ about their job that is never perfect but it is still better to care. She had asked if he really believed that. He had given that same answer stating that, sometimes, even that conclusion, that nothing is perfect, isn't good enough…

She took out the cigarette on the side stone of the bench, dropping it in the way, finally letting the pendant go from her hand. It was a celtic cross. She sensed his eyes noticing it.

"It was a gift. I'm not that religious. I mean with the things that I've seen sometimes I think that even God isn't perfect. ", she simply said.

But she was hanging onto that gift. Hotch knew that in many European cultures giving a cross to someone, a woman mainly, means not only protection but eternal love and the celtic cross was also about the beauty and the spirituality. Someone had known and loved that woman very much…

"I should apologize for my behavior at some points.", he admitted.

She looked at him surprised. She had characterized him as a "not-I'm sorry" guy and she was right. But at that moment he was feeling guilty.

"It wasn't your fault, anyway. My character doesn't help too much and with my stories, me, myself I would have been suspicious. You learned more facts than my superiors really do know, to believe I'm too damaged goods."

He had guessed that he had learnt facts kept hidden from everyone except Emily. Her drugs story was one of that. She wouldn't have been there if her superiors had known.

"Clyde shouldn't have let you reach that point.", he stated a bit of anger in his voice. He didn't even want to think that that man was once responsible for Emily's safety. "I don't even want to express an opinion about him ignoring you."

"I guess I just fit the profile of the collateral damage…", Gloria murmured.

Hotch knew some of his coworkers' mentalities, turning some of their agents into the loose end, ready to be cut if needed, sacrificing their people for the job. They were cruel and Hotch always disagreed with these actions. So he voiced it.

"No one deserves that. No one has to be the latter, even with cost. We will never catch them all. What are important are the people we are working with to catch them."

She turned her head to him. She needed to hear this, he knew it. He was sure Emily had told her the same thing but she needed to hear it from a man in the same position with the man that betrayed her.

"Your instincts and your investigation stopped three dangerous individuals. And if you hadn't made that last speculation...", he said his voice trailing off, shaking his head. If she hadn't said the word 'priest', Emily could be...

"Emily believed in me, you put the pieces together. In anyway we finished it."

"You do good work.", he told her reassuringly.

"The thing is that is all I do and look where it got me... It took away from me everything that I had, little by little. Gosh! It even took away my reliability and finally my health. We say we are insane to stare into the abyss but we do a job that can push us straight into it. And believe me, it takes too long to realise that you are already in it with no way out...", she confessed calmly, "I'm tired, Hotch."

He got the idea he was the very first person on earth that she admitted that out and loud.

"I know.", he replied with understanding.

She recognized that understanding. He had lost himself much for his job, too much -his son's mother for god's shake!- and this job was never enough to keep someone sane. Only in themselves they had to find the strength to overcome the tiredness, to recover the pieces that these jobs take. But they were the type of people whose selves weren't reliable…

"Why are we still doing it, Hotch? Why we can't move away from it?", she asked, turning to him.

"Because maybe we were meant for it.", he answered.

This what he had thought for himself. There was a point in his career that he had said that he didn't want to leave the BAU. BAU was for him.

"Why weren't we meant for opening a fish and chips shop?", she replied cracking a small smile. "Or would you have gotten your ties dirty?"

His lips turned upwards. Even in this condition she was joking. She wasn't as deep into the abyss as she thought.

"You are just having some bad days.", he said reassurance again in his tone.

"I've stopped believing in better ones for too long.", she replied honestly sighing.

"There will be.", he said and that sounded like a cliché.

"Then why have you stopped fighting for yours?", she asked, turning the subject to him.

He got the feeling that he just listened to the voice of his consciousness coming from Gloria's mouth. He knew what she was meaning. She was talking about letting Emily go, not fighting for her, even now. After all there was no point on playing the dumb card.

"Emily…", he whispered bending his head.

"My bad back doesn't mess up with my brains, Hotch.", she stated as a matter of fact. "But let's just say that Clyde was feeling too guilty and he stayed long nights with me in the hospital telling me stories, including Emily's."

"Did he tell you that…?", he asked ,suddenly worried if she had learnt on a hospital bed that her friend was dead, if he had caused grief to another person with his decision.

"No, no. He was sure that her Unit Chief had taken good care of her, a Unit Chief with tears in his eyes while he was trying to find her…", she answered.

He lifted his head and looked at the view in front of them. About that Clyde knew how to be a good profiler… The moment Hotch had found Emily's things in her drawer, he had lost it. They were chasing a seriously dangerous man about whom they didn't know the full story and this man was chasing Emily. Doyle was ten steps ahead of them and Emily five. It wasn't looking good. He had to keep it together but his eyes had betrayed him…

"You aren't a man of words, Hotch. You are a man of actions. So just act. You know, there is someone out there to whom we are perfect no matter who we are, who we were, what we have done. No matter what.", she finished returning to their first topic.

Silence fell for a short time, each of them into their own deep thoughts watching the sky lighten up. Could he be perfect to Emily after all? Did he worth any chances anymore?

"Thank you.", Gloria broke the silence.

He turned with a questioning look on his face.

"Thank you for being there, for taking that shot yourself. After all, you still showed up in my car last night having my back.", she explained why he had noticed that shift in her behavior last night, "Whatever the outcome was, I knew you were the one to take the best shot, the best choice. And you did and I'm still here.", she said getting up, admitting without looking at him that she trusted him. She had a survival plan in mind when she turned the target to her and it was him. Even her issues, even his hard behavior towards her, she sensed that she could trust him with her own life, because she wanted to live.

"And this means more days to come.", he stated standing up himself and she nodded understanding what he meant. Since she still wanted to live, she still hoped. She hadn't given up. She still hoped for better days. The worst version of him still believed in better days, even if she was denying it. Therefore, they, both of them, should finally fight for them.

"Did Emily finish with the police?", she cleared her throat.

"They were backing off rather quickly. She can be pretty persuasive and scary sometimes.", he smiled.

"She is the best. She learnt from one.", Gloria added casually.

Hotch extended his hand.

"Thankfully we have you on our side, Gloria.", he said.

"'Thankfully'? Does SSA Aaron Hotchner consider me dangerous?", she smiled and winked at him to lighten the mood accepting his hand. "I'm flattered!", Gloria laughed.

"And I'm glad.", he replied smiling, "Take care.", he continued more seriously.

"Take care of yourself and of her, Hotch.", she answered. He nodded and he squeezed gently her arm with his other hand.

Emily appeared in the roof, noticing their friendly interaction. Gloria just smiled to her and she left without standing to chat. Emily came near him.

"Did she have to end up in front of the barrel of your gun to finally get along with each other?", Emily said half joking, half seriously.

He shook his head from side to side. Ironical as it was, it was the truth.

"I'm sorry for that.", he said apologizing for putting another person in danger to save her. He just couldn't... If anything had gone wrong… He couldn't risk her life. He couldn't live with it. But could he live with her hating him? Could he actually sacrifice someone else for her? His mind started drifting back to the darkness. Emily looked at him with sympathy and care, guessing his thoughts through his dark eyes.

"We are all OK. That's all that matters.", Emily repeated what Gloria had said, "You were her survival plan, weren't you?" That was what her friend was telling her in the hotel room.

He nodded.

"We finished with everything. You just have to give a formal statement but this can wait till tomorrow.", she informed him and turned to the view in front of them. "Whatever we have done, felt chased us till here. There isn't any escape, is there?", Emily carried on.

Hotch was unsure about what she was actually meaning. Was she referring to their actions or to their feelings? She had used the word that he had used that night near the London Bridge. 'You obviously wanted to escape from something.' But to both the answer was no. They couldn't escape either. But they could use the latter to heal the first, for achieving those better days.

"No.", he said and his hand went to hers holding it softly.

He noticed her light shivering at the touch. He knew that what he had did and told with the UnSub around hadn't sunk in yet. It was too much compared to what hadn't been done and told for all those years and this last was his fault. Maybe there were no better days, no more chances left for him anymore. He bent his head and Emily took the courage to sneak her other hand up to his cheek. It has been too long since someone had touched him with so much care, someone that knew so much about him and still cared.

"If I count, to me Hotch, you have nothing to do with what you are afraid of.", she spoke quietly, repeating the same meaning that she had expressed minutes ago to save his life.

She had talked about their actions finally. But as she pushed his head up lightly, he saw acceptance and love. She knew now why he hadn't continued during that 'talk' for their UnSubs' ears and she knew as what he cared finally.

"Emily…", he breathed, his hand travelling to her neck avoid the small bruises that had started to form there.

And after that he did what he was good at. He just acted. He pulled her to him, both of his hands tangled in her hair, and landed his lips to hers, taking advantage of her slight open mouth. The kiss wasn't kind but it was one of passion and desperation. He couldn't put in words what he had felt not just in that moment, not just on those days, but during those whole years. So he showed it. Emily was taken aback for a few moments and after she responded with the same passion and even more desperation. Her hand on his cheek went up to his neck and the other to his back pulling him on her closer, like it was possible, pulling his whole body to her, because the woman in his arms, who was taking his breath away both literally and not, wanted him all, exactly like he was. He was perfect to her, no matter what. This made his eyes water and he could feel the salty taste of Emily's tears between their mouths.

On that chilly roof, with the sun fully risen in a rare sky with only very few clouds over London, Hotch was wishing that the start for better days had just taken place.

"_And I'm sick of all my judges._

_They're so scared of letting me shine,_

_but I know that I can make it_

_as long as somebody takes me home_

_every now and then…_

_You know I see London, I see Sam's Town,_

_Holds my hand and lets my hair down,_

_Rolls that world right off my shoulder__…"_

"**There is no such thing as freedom on earth. Only different kinds of bondages. And comparative bondages… You love me - THAT'S a bondage." ~ ****L.M. Montgomery**

_**That was a short time update! Hohoo!**_

_**The lyrics are from the "Sam's town" by the Killers. (I do not own it!)**_

_**Hotch couldn't have missed, could he? The man had shot a man **__**with only one bullet**_ on a moving train from a moving SUV before! (That shot_** only Hotch and James Bond, period…!)**_

_**As for Hotch and Gloria's talk, the guy had to say sorry and recognize the good work. He always does it, at least the latter. However, if anyone of you is wondering why Hotch had to start his healing through a talk with Gloria instead of Emily -thing that I considered seriously myself too-, I say that, apart from the similarities that Hotch and Gloria have finally (She is in a far darker place than Emily), I think that Hotch has a great difficulty expressing things, even starting a conversation about them, when there are feelings involved, feelings that are there with Emily but not with Gloria. He talks about himself more to the UnSubs and the police officers than to his team. Adding to this that sometimes we think that we have hit bottom till we see someone else in worse situation, Hotch needed a shake to see this and to see that there is still hope even on a bottom lower than his in order to start moving on. **__**At least this what I was trying to do in this chapter. **_The actual moving on can only be done with Emily. She has less demons to face and she can actually help him to help her. Anyway sorry for analyzing. I'm just sharing my thoughts while I was writing. Any opinions on that are welcomed.

_**No spoilers but let's just say that Hotch and Emily are a little bit caught in the heat of the moment. They have to talk and release the built up tension in 'many' ways… OK, there is some hot stuff coming, as well, BUT I don't plan to change the rating so I'll try to keep it not too explicit. However, any innocent eyes out there, consider yourselves warned.**_

_**Thank you for reading this story and please leave a word if you enjoy it (or not)! 8-)**_


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter XX**

"**For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.****" ~ ****Judy Garland**

Hotch felt Emily trembling slightly in his hands. He didn't know if it was because of the cold or of finally registering what was happening between them. It was like they were in a dream, in a parallel universe. But they weren't trapped in any unreal world, in a corner of their minds during some lonely night that allowed the imagination to travel to prohibited places. What he knew was there, in their fantasy for years, for too long years, was reality now: a kiss. And they were lost in it. The time had stopped and the only things sensed around them and between them were each other's passion, love, touch and taste. Still in such a short glimpse as a kiss, they were addictive and greater than even people so used to handle the most serious things in the world could handle. Hotch had a burn in his chest not from just a sparkle or a flame. It was a fire that was always there in the small touches and words that they had shared and now it threatened break free and to consume them all. He had thought and he was sure that she did as well, that the time and the distance, imposed or actual, would have put it down. But he had heard somewhere that the wind only extinguishes a lighted candle. A real fire can only be strengthened by the wind…

Emily trembled again and she was the first to break the kiss and the spell between them. He pulled back looking in her eyes, question and despair written over his face. Her eyes were confused, confused by her feelings, the reality and the speed of things changing and getting complicated.

"We have to sleep.", she spoke quietly.

"I know.", he agreed not letting her go from his hands.

He hugged her for one more time, her face hided in the crook of his neck. She was much shorter than him without heels, in just a pair of jogging pants and a t-shirt beneath the Interpol jacket that she had worn. If he hadn't been so anxious last night, he would have smiled when he told her to stay in the hotel and she took a small go-bag from a drawer of her office, just like when she was in BAU. Some habits never die. You move away from some things but you never let them go.

They were standing there hugged like that other night, breathing each other's scent. But this time it was him who was holding her more tightly.

"Hotch…", she breathed starting to say something.

"Shh…", he whispered calmly, "You are right. We need some rest."

She was right. They were exhausted. They had come to the point to face their worst fears. They had admitted the worst things. No happy ending had ever come out of what they had just experienced, at least not instantly. But he needed a reassurance that the nightmare was over. He needed a piece of hope, too, a hope for a happy ending or at least of what it might have been.

He pressed a ghost kiss on the top of her head and finally let his hands fell from her, letting her go. Every feeling of this world was passing from Emily's face as she took a step away from him.

"I'm going home. I hope I convince Ria to come with me. I don't want her to stay alone.", she said to break the uncomfortable silence.

"Good.", he nodded.

Always the same Emily, the one that always cared for the others. However, at least like that, Emily herself wouldn't be left alone. They needed time to let the facts sink in and their selves to come back, at least their selves that could deal with the situation, because their real ones were so desperate for one another that they could lead to mistakes. Hotch knew that he, himself, would be left desperate for her. He had kept himself chained away from Emily for too long and now he wasn't planning on giving up. But he, also, knew that he had hurt her too much, too deep and he wanted her to be herself when she would say something.

He watched her starting moving away from him.

"Emily…", he said unsure of what could follow. 'I'm sorry but I love you.' seemed not enough.

"I know and I don't. Sleep and we can talk in the afternoon.", she said simply.

He saw her disappearing through the door. He took a deep breath, throwing a last glance towards the view, finally noticing the cold. He had come out with only his sweatshirt and the pair of jeans he had changed after his shower last night. He turned and went downstairs to his room.

Laying on the bed he let his mind drifting back to what had happened that whole day. 'Sometimes there are no words. No clever quotes to neatly sum what's happened that day…' His own thoughts from another bad time came to his mind. He had seen the worst that he had done in his life spread out in front of him, he had admitted his worst nightmare, he had hurt Emily, he had almost got killed by an explosion, he had watched another woman he loved in danger, he had preferred to die himself to save her, he had met the worst version of himself and witnessed that version taking the fall with hope and trust to him for survival, he had kissed Emily and she had kissed him back. Too much bad and too much good in twenty four hours… Hotch was wondering what the two women were talking about in Emily's home. Was Emily telling Gloria what happened on the roof or the other way around? Was Emily telling what had happened with UnSub before he got there? Was the other woman finally sharing her feelings? Was she crying? But Hotch had no one at that moment to do any of that and it was for the best. He wasn't used to share, talk or cry. 'Sometimes the day just ends.' So he just closed his eyes and let the day end, already at the beginning of a new one…

His phone ringing on the bedside table was what woke Hotch up sometime around noon.

"Hotchner.", he said his voice hoarse from the few hours sleep.

"Oh Captain, my Captain!", Garcia's voice came from the phone.

"Garcia? Did anything happen?", he asked suddenly worried. Please someone tell him that there wasn't anything else about that damn case.

"No not all. With my super powers I would have found it, my kind Sir.", Garcia said and he could hear her smile. He was sure of that. "You just got us worried. We heard about an explosion and then about an operation to take down a man related to a series of murders…"

"We are all OK, Garcia.", he simply said, ranting in his head about the speed the news travel nowadays and still surprised with his tech girl calling to check up on him.

"No hurt, no harm?", she asked worried.

"Yeah, just minor things.", he replied.

"You know I am always worried when any of you guys go out and now that you are on the other side of the Atlantic…", Penelope explained.

"They are alright, baby girl.", Morgan's soothing voice came from the phone. She wasn't alone. Maybe his whole team was there.

"The priest performing exorcisms, four years ago, was the head of all of this. Interpol is going to send you the files to close our cases formally.", he gave the facts.

"Aaron, we saw the Marks' photos. One of the victims was…", he heard Rossi's voice. He was telling him about Gloria's involvement. But was he sensing too much worry in Dave's tone for just a far and hardly known friend?

"I know. Agent Paterson is alright as well, Dave.", Hotch said reassuringly. "Garcia, can you see if you can postpone my return flight a few days?", he continued.

"Why, Hotch? Are you sure you are ok?", Morgan asked. It wasn't a surprise that it was him asking and not the others. But were the others already guessing why he wanted to stay a little longer?

"Just my ears from the explosion. I should avoid flying but from here I can't drive back.", he gave an explanation. The reason wasn't his ears, it was that he wanted to have some more time with Emily, to try to work things out.

"Whatever you want, my Sir! If I need to, I'll hack into the system of the flight company!", Garcia replied enthusiastically.

"I would appreciate a little less zealous, Garcia.", he said, smiling in reality. He was sure of that she could do that, too.

"Enjoy your tea, now Aaron.", Rossi said with meaning.

Damn his friend, his advices and his quotes in front of all his team. But Hotch didn't mind. They were a family. He had people caring for him. After so much having happened the previous day, he appreciated it deeply. And these people, including himself, cared for someone else here and he was wishing to do something to make their family whole again.

"I will try."

He ended the call and lied again on the bed staring at the ceiling. He didn't know what was going to happen now. He didn't know if this day was a better day. He didn't even know if staying in London for a bit longer was a good idea. He didn't know what to expect from Emily. The only thing that Hotch deep down knew was that his action in the morning hadn't resolved the facts, Emily's beliefs and his mistakes, all in once. It couldn't even resolve the pain he had put her through.

He stood up, got dressed in his suit and decided to walk around to clear his head. After some wandering for an hour he ended up eating some fish and chips in a small pub. He smiled to himself. His first descent meal without a case in his mind in this country was fish and chips. He never had too much appreciation for the british cuisine. He ended up eating their only culinary achievement for him, not wrapped in a newspaper, but in a proper dish. A song was playing on the radio…

"_Drop of blood and now you're taken  
For all time  
With a kiss you will awaken  
And you'll be mine…_

_Think that for a moment you were mine  
I know that you saw what we could be  
But then you went and changed your mind  
One two three yeah one two three…  
Now you know, now you know  
How I feel and I won't back down…"_

Emily hadn't called him yet. He didn't want to try himself. He didn't want to press her but Hotch was thinking that he had enough. Whatever was about to come, it was better for it to come. At least he had to fight for her. His steps guided him again to the police building. He went up to see how the things were going and maybe find Emily. She was there in her office, as he had guessed, putting away some files.

"Hotch…", she simply greeted him.

"I know the statement is for tomorrow. I just passed by…", he explained not carrying on with his phrase. He could put up a fake reason. After all those years as a Unit Chief, he knew all the bureaucracy procedures that were probably needed. But at that moment he didn't want to try. 'Enough with the hiding', his mind was telling him, there was no point of hiding anymore, nevertheless.

Emily nodded understanding what was going on in his head.

"Let me finish with these and we can go home, have some coffee.", she told him.

She wanted them to talk finally. But he couldn't read in her eyes and he didn't know if this was good or bad. She finished and she drove them to her place. Emily was leaving in those refurbished wharfs on the bank of Thames, on the west side of London. The lift was shaky as Garcia had described it. He had never asked directly about Emily when Garcia and Morgan came back from meeting her. But he had stood and overheard their stories.

He took off his coat after Emily. The view from her windows was beautiful exactly like he had heard.

"I can't stay in a flat without view, can I?", Emily joked.

He smiled.

He looked around. Emily's flat was furnished in the same taste as her apartment back in DC was, as he remembered it from his very few visits and from the time he cleaned it up when she 'died'. The others had offered to help him but he refused. They knew that he had done the same thing when Greenaway was hurt. They didn't question it. However, he wanted to make sure to keep her belongings safe in case she came back and his action to put everything in a storage space would have risen suspicions. The truth was, also, that he wanted to stay a few hours there, surrounded by her things and her smell. He wasn't mourning her death but he was mourning her absence. And then she came back and it wasn't Doyle anymore that provoked her second leave. It was himself and it was about time to face that.

He went to sit in the living room as Emily got busy in the kitchen setting the coffee machine. He noticed an ashtray on the small table beside the sofa. It was empty but not cleaned. Gloria had stayed there finally.

"Garcia called to check on us", he said.

"I know. She called me, too, but I had turned it on silent not to wake Ria up. I saw the call afterwards and called her back.", Emily replied.

"How is Gloria?", Hotch asked about her friend.

"She will be alright, eventually. She had buried things for too many years and she still managed to cope.", Emily answered a little bit of anger in her voice. She cared for her friend deeply but she was angry with her, but Hotch could feel that this frustration wasn't directed only towards her, "Sometimes I am wondering how I end up surrounded by other people just like you.", she continued murmuring. "How can you do it, Hotch? Can you explain it to me?"

"Do what?", he asked confused.

"Hide everything and go on like nothing is there.", she faced him staring in his eyes.

She was accusing him for hiding, hiding his torture, hiding his feelings and behaving like nothing was going on, burying things and still managing to cope.

"You do it yourself, Emily.", he stated as a matter of fact.

"I DID it and I had some pretty good reasons for it.", she corrected him.

"We all say the same thing.", he said not knowing where all this was going but he played along.

"No, Hotch, there you are wrong!", she said rising her voice a little.

"How am I wrong?", he said standing up and folding his hands.

"This thing only works when you are around people that don't care of how you feel. Damn they forced you not to. You? Her? You have people around you caring for you, wanting to help and you just ignore them."

"It's not ignorance…", he whispered still puzzled.

"Then what is it, Hotch?", she said rising her eyebrows. "Eh, what is it?"

'Fear it is.', his mind was shouting at him. Not only fear of what they would find out about themselves, as he had admitted in the morning, but also fear of what the others might think of them. But he wasn't still strong enough to admit the latter out loud. So he made the mistake to return to the profiler's mode.

"You compartmentalization and so on, are they because…?", he asked challenging her.

"So you want to turn the game on me, Hotch?", she cut him off, her frustration growing, "You know very well that we do a damn job where feelings are bad, a weakness. We even come from families that taught us exactly that. I had a mother that just wanted me to be perfect for her perfect family image neglecting the fact that my whole life sucked! I don't even talk to her anymore. I came back from Doyle and my bosses wanted to be sure that I was still on the right side and they made me spy on people, for God's shake! They wanted me to witness with no emotion a top agent and a friend getting screwed because she made the mistake to fall in love with someone that could finally understand! I couldn't stand it and I left. And after that, I ended up in front of a boss with quite 'a pain in the ass and not showing emotion' reputation who didn't trust me! What did you want me to do?"

"But you did what you are accusing right now.", he said, her frustration effecting him too.

He had no idea what she was trying to say. For one more time, though, he was noticing that he had the old Emily back in front of him, the one that wouldn't pull back, the one that was decisive enough to stand up to him and make her point.

"I realized I was wrong and I changed. You taught me, Hotch, what trust means. You taught me that there are people out there that care and coworkers that don't try to screw you over a case. But you are the first to forget it."

This was a truth. The restrained Emily that had first come to his office, had bloomed into a smiling woman that tried to offer a shoulder to cry on to everyone that needed it, talking about what she felt, showing her frustration and happiness. 'Emily, came back a better person, Hotch, and you played a great role in that.', Gloria's words came to his mind. He didn't know it was him that made her human again. He had thought that the others did it with their friendliness and acceptance. He always showed too little of those…

"Emily, I am not used to…", he tried to explain himself still unsure.

"Ohohoho… Don't throw me the 'sharing is not in your blood' line, please! When you still hurt, this is a cheap excuse!"

And then he understood why she was angry. She was frustrated because he was still hurting for something that had happened years ago. He didn't ask for any help to heal it. He buried it and still carried it around. She was angry because he was hurt. Apparently the same was for her friend, too.

He bent his head. She was right.

"In any way it's not ignorance Emily.", he whispered again.

"Then what is it? Pride? All the others can be weak but you are not?", she insisted asking for explanations.

She couldn't see that it was lower than weakness, it was fear. She couldn't sense it, because to her he couldn't be frightened.

"Come on! Explain it to me. You have people that care for you. Rossi is there. Me, I was there. I loved you, Hotch, even when I wasn't allowed to. I would have done anything, A-NY-THING you asked me, in order for you not to reach the point to admit whatever you believed and you admitted with that priest now, three years after."

In her anger she had said out loud the one only word that mattered: 'love'. But she carried on without giving him time to speak.

"But maybe you are right. Opening up is not good. I opened up. Hell, when I came back from the dead, I opened up way too much and when I let it show that I'm not OK, I'm not perfect, you learnt that I was already too damaged for you.", she carried on mainly to herself.

"Emily, you were never damaged!", he exclaimed.

"Then why so easily did you pass me by? You had feelings, Hotch. Damn you showed them to me, now, here after all that. Why did you ignore me? Why did you let me go? You had a reason for it and I was!", she rose her voice more and turned to go away from him.

He had come there to fight for her, not to back down, not to let her go for one more time. A 'not word-friendly man' had to find the words. For the first time in his life he had to express himself in words. He kneeled with a quick move in front her taking her hands in his, stopping her, making her turn towards him again.

"Emily, I never ignored you, I never ignored anyone. It's not ignorance. It's not pride. It's fear, Emily! Fear that I am not worthy enough for them. I am not worthy for you!"

Emily was in lack of words. Having the strongest man she knew on his knees in front of her, with tears in his eyes had an effect on her.

"We are not perfect. We all have demons. But you had the courage to talk about yours, to face them. I wish I had the same power but you are stronger than me, Emily, much stronger."

"I watched you getting by and I followed your example. You trusted me. You welcomed me and tried to make me feel home. You told me that it was ok to have bad days. Hotch, you, you made me strong.", she said tears in her eyes, in shock of what she was listening to.

"I told you. I didn't want you to become me, Emily. I love you, I always did.", he said looking in her eyes, finally saying that phrase the correct way and then he bent his head, "But even in that you were stronger than me. You had the courage to reach out to me and I hurt you. I couldn't see, I couldn't believe that you were there for me, Emily. I hided behind profiles, substitutes instead of..."

Her hands slipped from his and went to his shoulders pushing him up.

"Hotch...?"

"I loved you and I didn't dare to reach out. But you still had the courage to move away from me.", he carried on.

She took some steps back. He looked at her confused about what he said wrong that time.

"Do you really think that I was able to move away from you? You have no idea. Really."

"Emily...", he tried to say.

She thought that he was questioning her feelings.

"You know, I was never able to. Not even now, never! Not when I knew that, even with your divorce, even with the witness protection, at some point you would have gone back to Haley, even when you said that you loved her. And this last time, now, I really wished it. I came to the other side of the world to do it, but I couldn't.", she smiled ironically, "I just couldn't! Damn Hotch! You were a punishment!", she exclaimed referring to his line with the UnSub hours earlier and at that moment there was another type of frustration in her voice.

She wasn't angry with him anymore, at least not only with him. She was angry with the life and with herself, as well.

He moved towards her and took her face in her hands wiping the few tears that had escaped from her eyes. He was looking at her with all the love that hadn't allowed himself to show to her for all those years and he spoke calmly and steady.

"You never done anything wrong to deserve any of this. Do you listen to me? Nothing."

"I love you more than I can handle, Hotch...", she said starting crying freely.

"I know, Emily. Me too. I know and I'm so sorry for being me, Emily. I'm so sorry..."

She sneaked her hands around him, holding him tightly. He hugged her back. The fire from the morning had come back and this time, Hotch knew that they couldn't hold it from breaking free. He heard her in his ear speaking, frustrated, despaired but in a tone of finally surrendering to what was there, between them.

"Why did we have to pass all that to come to this? Why, Hotch?"

"**Do not seek the because - in love there is no because, no reason, no explanation, no solutions." ~ ****Anaïs Nin**

_**Finally the hot stuff comes in the next chapter so as not to interfere too much with the events.**_

_**The lyrics are from the song "You'll be mine" by the Pierces.**_

_**Hotch's thoughts about the fish and chips are actually Greg Montgomery's thoughts. I thought that, since the writers have taken some things for that TG's role, I could take myself one from the episode with the English guests. Myself, I love fish and chips!**_

_**I tried to relieve some of the tension (more coming) and still remain in character. I am not so sure if I did it OK. I always say that talking Hotch is the hardest to write...**_

_**Leave a word, if you'd like, and let me know what you think.  
**_


	21. Chapter 21

_**A notice BEFORE you start reading: This is how this chapter works. This chapter has three quotes with bold letters. After the second quote the chapter gets rated M. It is explicit. (Sorry guys I couldn't help it! :P) But it isn't too explicit. Whatever, according to the ratings, it is M. So any innocent eyes out there, please read from the first quote till the second. Below the second quote, mature eyes only. Thank you!**_

**Chapter XXI**

"**She knew she was by him beloved; she knew. For quickly comes such knowledge, that his heart was darkened with her shadow." ~ Lord Byron**

He didn't know when it became so casual to him to touch Emily, to hold her. They had been avoiding body contact too much back in DC. He hadn't even given her a hug when she got back from Europe. He was never a 'hug-gy' type, not used to touch or to be touched but with Emily he had overdone it. He couldn't even remember if he had touched her not accidentally at all till the moment they danced together at JJ's wedding. But he could remember all those times she had touched him not accidentally. The one time that she brushed his chest to show him a newspaper during those terrorists attacks in New York, the other time while she was leaving to follow his order and she gave his arm a small squeeze like it was the most natural thing in the world, like they had done it thousands times before. And just this till that dance, when all had come down crashing on him. All those feelings hidden in the deepest and darkest drawer of his soul had come out on full force. But it was too late. He was with another woman and Emily was leaving…

"Because we were too caught up into everything.", Hotch's answer was in her ear.

"I don't know…", Emily sighed.

He pulled his head back and looked into her eyes. She was questioning her life, the reality, that he was there having said the things that he had. He knew the feeling. It was the same one that he had when she had fallen into his arms the other night and after she had admitted that she had feelings for him: the surprise, the inability to believe that reality. He knew that if you keep telling yourself something for too long, you believe it so hard that it becomes a 'fake' reality and, when the actual reality comes, you are just left with an open mouth, unable to process it. And it is even worse when you think that you don't deserve it… He knew what else she was thinking, too. She had said it to him. She was thinking that her crossing the lines had made him turn away from her.

"It had nothing to do with you. Emily, I need to make you to understand one thing, even if it is the last thing that I do here and in this world. You are a wonderful, brave woman."

"No one says that if they know…", she said, the tears coming again.

She had made him understand that he was perfect to her. He had to do the same to her.

"You are perfect.", he interrupted her reassuringly.

She looked at him with big eyes and he was certain that she could read the honesty in his.

"I know I have no actual fact to support it, but I cared for too long, Emily.", Hotch started pushing her hair behind her ear gently. "I think since the moment you put me in my place telling me that I had to trust you and that you hate politics. I felt something was stirring in me some time after but then Foyet came and I was too guilty for what I had made my family to go through…", he carried on.

"Nothing of that was your fault, Hotch.", she said compassion, worry and understanding in her eyes, just like when she was in the hospital by his side and all the times she kept him company in a car or over a glass of whisky at his office. "And after Doyle broke loose…", she said after a pause trying to hide the disgust behind a neutral tone, realizing that they were kept apart not only because of the faults and themselves, but also because of that terrible timing of their lives.

"And you still came back, trying, fighting, talking", he reminded her, "and then I realized that you were worthy for something better than me. You didn't need a troubled man in your life, Emily."

He caressed her cheeks. He had to make the last attempt to explain himself for pushing her far from him, making that mistake that sent her flying away.

"And I guess my mind had already eliminated any possibility of you wanting me…", he admitted quietly.

"So if I hadn't said anything till now, if nothing had happened, you wouldn't have done anything?", she said the despair and the anger again in her eyes.

"I don't know.", he replied sincerely.

That was the truth. He didn't know. When Rossi appeared in his office making him come to England, in that airplane while he was flying there, during that walk through the British capital that evening, he hadn't decided yet. If the things hadn't come like that, he just didn't know. Maybe they had to pass all that, not for them, not for her, but for him: to be there, to face himself and his demons and to move on, to move on towards the right direction.

She shook her head. Now it was her that was questioning his feelings.

"I can swear to the universe that I love you more than my life, Emily.", he said. "But I am me."

She knew that the first was the truth. He had tried to save her from Doyle with all the means that he had. He did pull that trigger to end her nightmare by killing him, even if not literally. He had protected her two times with his own life since he had arrived there.

He just kissed her after some moments lost in her confused eyes. There were no more words left anymore. Only through his actions he could undo what he had done still not knowing the outcome.

His kiss was gentle, pleading, testing. It took her again some seconds to respond but she did with such force and passion that she surprised him. She invaded his mouth stealing his breath away for one more time and he was more than willing to give it to her. The kiss was getting harder and harder. The taste of tears, of the little blood, when she bitted his down lip harder than she intended, the taste of her, herself and her smell were all that his mind could register. Desperate hands were sneaking beneath his suit jacket, grasping his sides, while his own on her back were feeling the warm skin over her silk shirt, caressing it with open palm possessively.

Only through their actions they could fix everything, her, him, them. Only through the fire between them they could be saved, burnt but saved.

"**No, The Moth doesn't care when he sees The Flame. . .  
'Cause Flame and Moth got a sweetheart deal.  
And nothing fuels a good flirtation,  
like Need and Anger and Desperation...  
No, The Moth doesn't care if The Flame is real. . . " ~ ****Aimee Mann**

Hotch felt himself being pushed to the wall behind him while he was slipping out of his jacket, that Emily had it already past his shoulders. If she wanted to be in charge, he was going to let her. She needed it. She needed to express her anger to him for letting her feeling for too long unwanted, for hurting her. She had no other way to have her revenge apart from giving in. She was eager for him. He was going to let her take whatever she wanted from him. But he was eager as much and he wasn't going to be passive.

The need to feel one another that had been locked away for what seemed like a lifetime, the anger to one another and themselves for locking it away, the desperation for it, all was there in that corner of Emily's living room, as a strong man, that could bring down the most dangerous of the world, had allowed himself to be pushed on the wall by a slim woman who was attacking him with raged passion, because that woman could bring him down in a split of a second, because she had what counted to him the most: his heart.

The only coherent things heard over loud breaths and moans were each other's names.

"Emily…"

"Hotch…"

He didn't try to make her call him by his first name. She knew him as 'Hotch' for all those years. With 'Hotch' she fell in love with. He was 'Hotch' in her life and maybe in her dreams. Even if it was still keeping some distance between them, he didn't try to change it. It would come when it was its time.

Her kisses were rough. Aroused bodies were scraping each other. Hands were trying to find their way through to bare skin, fumbling with buttons, sending a few of them flying. Slim fingers were stroking forcefully rigid muscles, while gun calloused, large ones were massaging soft globes. Lips were wandering around. A tongue was licking a porcelain neck and teeth were scraping plain, hard chest.

Emily's breaths, hot on his skin, were becoming more and more irregular. And suddenly he felt her trembling violently in his hands. He hadn't even touched her below the waist. It wasn't possible, was it? When she almost lost her balance and he stabilized her on his chest, he knew it was.

"I'm sorry.", she whispered the moment that she remembered how to breath again. "It has been too long and I wanted you for too long…", she continued quietly in embarrassment. She was the attacker in the encounter but her body had given in too quickly and too forcefully.

He silenced her with a kiss. She didn't have to apologize. But Hotch instead of feeling the male pride that normally comes with this type of events, he was feeling guilty, guilty for making himself unreachable, guilty for depriving her from the pleasure that any human being needs and guilty for being the reason that apparently she had let very few to touch her.

He left her lips letting her to catch her breath and he started dropping hot, wet kisses on her neck and her shoulders. He fell on his knees for one more time, pulling her body to his mouth. He worshipped her bare chest with tenderness. His action wasn't just sensual. It was more than that. He wanted to show her that she and her body only deserved care. She shouldn't have used it for that damn job but he didn't mind. In any way he shouldn't have left her cold and alone.

Only one phrase was leaving his lips:

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

He had heard somewhere that making love is some kind of prayer, maybe not to God, but to the other person. If this was true, at that moment, Aaron Hotchner was praying for forgiveness.

When his mouth reached her scar on her abdomen, he pressed his lips again and again tracing it and he said the same thing.

"I'm sorry."

And then he was asking for forgiveness for another thing, for not being able to prevent another pain to her, for letting that happen and for not knowing what she had been through before she appeared in his office.

Emily bent and put her hands on his shoulders, hugging his head, resting her lips on top of it. And like that, over two entangled half naked bodies, one word was heard:

"Aaron…"

And with that everything had changed. They weren't 'Hotch' and 'Prentiss' anymore. For him she was 'just Emily' since he had landed on this country. But for her now he became 'just Aaron', not the agent, not the boss, not the hero, 'just Aaron'. She reminded him that they were just humans with all the emotional luggage that this life brings and with all the mistakes that humans make. And they were two regular people in love.

She coaxed his head up with kisses till she was able to have his lips to hers. It wasn't a kiss like the previous ones. It was kind and lovable. No tears, no desperation. Just simple, pure love and Hotch knew that he had found his forgiveness. And maybe that's why they had to pass all that, too. She had to leave for him to understand, over those multiple cups of tea, that his life only had meaning when she was around. She had to leave so as for them to be free from the rules and the complexities. They had to face that case, for her to understand that she was worthy, not only for his love, but for his life and for him to finally make peace with whatever he had done, to find peace and an actual redemption there, in her arms, in her loving eyes, in her hot body.

She pulled him up and among tender touches and soft kisses, she guided him to the bedroom. In her eyes there was only admiration and love. She unbuttoned her trousers. When she pushed him on the bed and fell over him she was completely naked offering herself to him. She fell over him like a sweet, perfect blanket, shielding him from his nightmares, his fears. She licked and kissed every part of his body that she had attacked before. He let her take away his last pieces of clothing. It was his way of offering himself to her, showing her that he was hers and for her to be sure that he was actually there and she wasn't trapped in some adventurous fantasy. This was a reality, a very actual reality.

Her lips was pleasuring the back of his neck as his head was lifted to devour her, her hands in his thick hair and on his shoulders. Her whole body was brushing tentatively, up and down, over his. His fingers were caressing smooth, warm skin, travelling south, exploring her. She was so responsive and loud that any man could have lost control too early. He didn't. This was about her and he had to persuade her that she was precious and she was the most precious thing in his life. When she fell on him lost for one more time, he turned them and he was on top. From that moment he had to be the dominant.

Moments before he connected them in the most perfect and meant-to-be way for two people in love, he pressed his lips onto her forehead and, looking into her eyes, he said the phrase that maybe no one had ever told her before that most intimate contact.

"I love you, Emily."

His guess was right judging from the watery corners of her eyes and the smile that lighten up her face, the first smile after the nightmare they had gone trough.

"I love you, too, Aaron."

That was the last OK that he needed. Looking into each other eyes, they made that most basic connection, meeting each other half way, like they always did. The pace that started was slow, like they wanted for the time to stop and the eternity to start like that and like there, back and forth, like their whole lives were formed by steps back and forth.

Hotch was restraining himself. It wasn't only her body that was on edge and despair for that contact. It was his as well. But he didn't want to be rough. She needed love and affection. Her hands went to his face and she brought it to hers.

"Take me, Aaron. I'm yours. I always was and I will always be."

That brought tears in his own eyes. The woman who so willingly and eagerly had him sheathed in her body wanted him all. She had accepted him completely, like he was, the tender and kind man, the troubled but passionate and dominant alpha male. She loved 'Aaron' but she fell in love with 'Hotch'.

And with that the pure passion was unleashed. The fire, that was burning, growing hotter and hotter, broke completely out of control. The pace increased in an almost inhuman speed. Teeth were giving bites. Short nails were scratching a broad back. Lips were being tortured in the most delightful way making breathing more and more difficult. Fingers were clutching flesh with anticipation. A wet heat was squeezing him over and over again. The only sounds were hard sighs, satisfied cries and groans and that sound of the two bodies becoming one.

The fire led to the explosion with them screaming each other's name and it left them in that sensation of completeness, that, when you are entangled with someone you love, is the most real glimpse to heaven.

They didn't have any power left to move. His only thought was to shift himself from over her. But Emily held him tightly on her. She didn't mind if he was squashing her a bit. She wanted him there, still inside her, making the whole experience undoubted. And he was absolutely alright with being like this, being sure that she was there, loved and protected by him, by his whole body and existence from whatever was further his sweat covered muscles.

After what seemed like an eternity, they kissed and the passion was there again, gaining strength from each other, like they had gained strength from each other during those whole years, and the fire burnt for hours and hours draining every last bit of energy.

When Emily finally fell asleep on the sound of his heart beat with her head on his chest, Hotch placed a thankful kiss on her crown. He heard her sighing, a soft, happy sigh, much different from all the others heard that afternoon and night. He sighed himself, a content, relieved sigh and he closed his eyes at the end of a finally better day.

"**Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs.****" ~ ****William Shakespeare**

_**Phew... And that was my very first attempt ever to write a more hot stuff… How was it? I should say that I was a little bit uncomfortable. I enjoyed it nevertheless, but as I don't like the too detailed descriptions -at least not to write them myself...:P- I tried to make a description as a normal film would describe the scene avoiding the too explicit stuff. I don't know how it comes out though...  
**_

_**Only very few things need to be put in order, now. As you understand we are moving towards the end. Another chapter and the epilogue are still left.**_

_**It took me finally longer to update but I was too busy for one more time.  
**_

_**PS: Sorry for any grammar mistakes! I noticed a few in the previous chapter and I was embarrassed. Apparently my visit to my country during Christmas made my english skills drop. I try to keep it up again. **_


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter XXII**

"**Ghosts don't haunt us. That's not how it works. They're present among us because we won't let go of them." ~ ****Sue Grafton**

When Hotch opened his eyes the next morning everything was just like the moment he closed them. Emily was sleeping, her head still on his chest, her breath tickling his skin. Her left hand over his abdomen was holding him softly in a way to reassure herself even in her sleep that he was still there. She hadn't moved. No bad dreams or anything. He didn't know if they had stopped or his presence made them not to come. In any way he smiled. The thumb of his palm on her bare back started to caress lightly the smooth skin.

His eyes wandered around. Her bedroom was cosy with a window looking over to the Thames and the opposite bank. The sun hadn't risen yet but that didn't mean it was too early. The sun rises in England quite late in winter. On Emily's nightstand, beside some books, her alarm clock was. It was 5.30. It was early finally. He looked again through the window, over to a city that even in the dark holds that mysterious and at the same time marvelous magnificence.

Hotch smiled again, a soft, side smile. He had to come to the other side of the world to finally wake up with the woman that he loved in his arms, the woman that he used to have every day just beside him. Life can be so ironic sometimes…

And then he noticed Sergio on the floor eyeing him investigatively. Last evening he hadn't even noticed him and the cat obviously ignored him. But he was looking at him with curiosity now. Who knew what he had in his mind.

Emily stirred by Hotch's side. She was wakening up. He averted his attention to her. He couldn't see her face. His hand moved up and down on her back. She dropped a kiss just above his heart and she turned to him her eyes still blur from the sleep.

"Good morning.", he smiled

"Hey…", she said sleepily, a smile forming on her own face.

He lifted his head and he gave a kiss on her lips. At that moment Hotch knew that that was the way he wanted to wake up, her brown eyes to be the first to see every day till his last. He was going to persuade her to come back to US, sooner or later.

"You slept well?", he asked casually, caressing her hair tangled from their activities the previous night.

"Someone managed to exhaust me.", she laughed.

"That someone should be really happy.", he teased kissing her shoulder.

"Are you?", insecurity in her eyes.

"Of course, I am, Emily.", he replied as it was the simplest truth on Earth and at that moment it was, "Being here, like this was all that I wanted for too long time.", he continued looking into her eyes, "You are the happiness that I thought I would never have."

He pulled her body completely on his. They kissed and after he held her face in his both hands and he said the words that were in his mouth since the moment she told him she was leaving, since she left them, since that evening when they said their goodbyes in a restaurant on the other side of the Atlantic:

"Come back."

Emily's eyes darkened and she got that same thoughtful expression that she used to have too often when she came back from the dead. She stiffened and tried to move away from him.

He held her tightly. Once she had broken the physical connection, she would have gone back to the insecurities that still were in her mind. He had to convince her now that they were naked in the same bed.

"Emily… I want this to last.", he carried on.

"I don't know.", she replied.

Hotch was getting worried. She hadn't overcome all her issues, yet. Something was holding her back, still preventing her from a life with him. He looked at her, question in his eyes.

"Hotch, I…"

"Now did I become Hotch again?", his pain heard in his voice.

"You don't know…"

"So enlighten me! I heard a lecture yesterday because I don't talk. So talk to me!", his pain turning into frustration, "Please…"

"You can't understand everything!", she replied sternly.

"Try me!"

"I can't explain it…", she admitted and she tried to escape again from his hands.

He wasn't going to let her. He had started to have an idea about what was going on in her head. Damn the ghosts from the past were never going to leave them alone. Doyle had asked her to marry him. They had found the ring. He had felt like a knife pricked him the time that Rossi had informed him about it. The only man that wanted to spend his life with that incredible woman was a terrorist during a job. She hadn't loved that scumbag. She wasn't naïve. But 'That damn thing went so well that you strongly believe you have no luck on the good side!', another Gloria's phrase came into his mind. 'I know better than you how this is!' 'Exactly this doesn't make you an expert to see...', Emily's answer was. Now that he knew the other woman's story he could guess that 'this'. He could guess that her friend was worrying about something else. Emily didn't have any luck even before she went for Doyle. That's why Gloria was insisting that she shouldn't have gone. Gloria had learnt the difference. She had learnt how it is to have someone to love her, her real self, to love that someone back and that someone wanting to share his life with her real one. Even for short, she had learnt that difference. Emily hadn't. That's why she was pushing Emily to him from day one. That's why all those sympathetic looks towards him every time Emily denied him. Emily actually strongly believed that she couldn't make it at all on the good side.

He didn't need to be a profiler to know what a woman should have been feeling in Emily's place. But he wasn't going to play the profiler. He wasn't the profiler in his suit. At that moment, he was just a naked man in the same bed with the woman he had fallen in love, in that same bed where he had proven her how much precious she was to him and how much passion he had harbored for her.

He turned them abruptly so he was on top of her, leaving her no way to escape. She tried to push him lightly instinctively. He took her hands with his right and held them softly over head. His body over hers had the ability to take away her strength to protest. When two people are in love their bodies are like magnets, they can't fight each other.

"Emily, listen to me. We passed years together and I passed them with you, with Emily.", he said with meaning calmly.

He wasn't going to bring neither Lauren's nor Doyle's name up in that bed. The ghosts had no place there.

"I am not Hotch. I'm Aaron. And who is feeling this, Emily?", he continued, his free hand going up and down her side, noticing the goose bumps on her skin, "Who is feeling this, Emily?", he said louder with her lack of response, his hand going to the v of her thighs "Who, Emily?", he pressed his hand a little roughly.

"Me…", she managed to say as she held a breath.

"Right. You. 'E-mi-ly.' Say it.", he ordered returning to the smooth tone.

"Emily…", she complied confused.

"And what's going on here is not just this.", his palm travelling upwards. "Whose is this, Emily?", his hand rested on her heart tapping softly.

"Mine… Emily's.", she corrected herself.

"Right. So does this Emily's heart love anyone?", he asked.

"You…", she said, her eyes watering, she was getting the message.

"Say my name."

"Aaron…"

"Well done.", his other hand released hers and guided her left on his heart, "And this may belongs to Aaron but it is Emily's and loves E-mi-ly.", he held her face, "You don't need to explain anything to me. These are what you have to explain to yourself.", he finished shifting himself from her, laying on his back beside her.

After a while she turned to her side, her hand turning his face to her. He put a kiss on her palm.

She kissed his lips pleadingly, climbing on him, straddling him. He let her be on top that time. His hands only making easier for her to forget, not only to give in to what was there between them, but finally to get absorbed into it completely. They never broke eye contact. They said no words, no names. Their eyes made the point. He was Aaron in front of her. It was Emily's body moving over his. No one else was here, visible or invisible.

Only just seconds before she succumbed, he spoke:

"Let go, Emily. Let go and I will catch you."

And she did and he caught her.

"Aren't you scared?", Emily whispered after some minutes.

"I am.", he admitted, "But we went to hell and back too many times. You flied to the other side of the world and the whole universe brought us here, like this. We will make it.", he stated still unsure of what her final decision would be.

They drifted to sleep for about half an hour. They had a shower and they got dressed. Hotch laughed examining his shirt.

"Nice! An American Unit Chief with missing buttons.", Emily smiled.

"After having met an Interpol Head too impatient…", he joked.

She laughed looking around to spot the missing little things. They were lucky and they found them.

"Give it to me.", Emily offered.

"Emily I'll pass from the hotel and I'll change."

"Let me take care of you, Aaron.", she smiled.

He watched her shortly as she took the shirt from his hands and found a needle and a thread to stitch them again. Sergio was parading around them and he brushed on his leg. He tentatively scratched his neck and the cat purred without any sign of dislike or protest.

"He got to like you too fast.", Emily mentioned.

Maybe Sergio's investigation in the morning had an affirmative result, Hotch thought and he smiled. He went to put the finally ready coffee in their cups. He found some biscuits in a cupboard and milk in the fridge and brought them to the coffee table the moment she was finishing. That was the first casualty in their story. She helped him to put the shirt on. She buttoned the upper buttons and she brought her hands up and she touched the sides of his face, tracing his smile.

"Thank you."

"For what, sweetheart?", he said, the word rolling on his tongue like the most natural thing.

"For being alive.", she simply replied.

He hugged her. They hadn't faced themselves only during that case. They had faced their worst fear, to lose each other and they had witnessed the consequences…

"Ria's eyes when she told me finally what had happened… I don't know… She loved him, Aaron, and he loved her. And one day, one bullet and he just…"

He moved his hands soothingly up and down her back. Her friend had lived and in a way she was still living Emily's worst nightmare, his own. He had felt part of it with Haley's death but the pain of the loss was overcome by the guiltiness. He had felt it again in its full force, while he was waiting in that hospital to learn about Emily's condition, those minutes when JJ came out and told the team that she died. He had given the order in case of Emily's survival but those few minutes till JJ spoke to him privately, he didn't know if she had lied or not…

"These things aren't supposed to happen but they do unfortunately.", he said thoughtfully.

Emily nodded.

"Just promise me you'll try to stay safe."

"You too, sweetheart. You too.", he breathed.

They had to. Otherwise they were lost. The one left behind would have been as lost as the other gone… He kissed her softly and they went to sit to have the simple breakfast available.

"I should have seen it. I say I am a profiler, ain't I? The Ria I knew wouldn't have hang on to him like that, if he had just left her. I just didn't want to think that…"

"Emily, you had other things to worry about your friend. And she had her reasons, not to tell you.", he replied touching her hand.

He could understand why the other woman hadn't said anything. It wasn't only that she didn't want Emily to feel sorry for her. In a way it was her way of coping but he knew that it doesn't work.

"Sometimes she is more like you than you think.", Emily stated sensing his understanding.

"I know. She is just easier in simple conversation than I am.", Hotch joked and Emily smiled.

"He was actually her boss, you know. He was separated for ages but his ex was dragging him around for two years without signing the divorce, for which Gloria wasn't the reason by the way. Normally here they are less strict with these types of issues. They stuck on the fact that his papers weren't finalized. But the real thing behind was that she was too good. He was too good. But they didn't have many friends around. Some others wanted them out of the picture, they were in someone's way. I had pulled every string to get Declan safe. Someone asked the favor back. I was too worried with my career...", she told him the real story after some moments.

"Emily, what is passed is passed.", he comforted her, "You didn't cause anything."

"Back then I had said that I would never fall for a colleague. But never say never, eh?", Emily admitted.

"No one understands us more than the people that know what we are facing, Emily.", he said quietly.

She closed her eyes affirmatively.

They went to the Interpol Office. Hotch gave his statement, arranged an additional lecture since he would finally stay for a little bit longer, news that fortunately Jack didn't take hard. Jessica was going to take him to his grandparents anyway. While he was walking back to Emily's office he noticed her talking with Gloria outside the room that they used to work. Emily left before he reached them.

"At least I got out of the doghouse.", he heard the younger agent murmuring.

He was certain that Emily was too worried with her putting herself in the harm's way two times and she had given her another lecture like his, too. And for sure that woman had confronted her instead of admitting her pain.

"Hey! Good afternoon, Hotch!", Gloria greeted him when she noticed him.

"Good afternoon.", he greeted back.

"I just made some tea. Do you want a cup?", she offered getting into the room.

"Sure.", he accepted the invitation getting a cup from the drawer below the boiler. "I thought you would have taken some days off.", he said sitting down as she filled it from the teapot.

"I'm not wandering around. I'm just going from one chair to another. I'm OK.", she replied.

She wasn't too OK judging from her wincing when she sat down but she would never admit that.

"Emily wanted to just be able to help.", he spoke calmly.

"I told her from the start and too many times that 'this' isn't her fault.", her finger motioning up and down towards her, "I didn't want her to do anything out of guilt, Hotch.", she reasoned with him and he could say that she was still insecure with what he was thinking of her.

"I'm certain about that.", he answered reassuringly.

"It was never her fault in fact. Once the story was to start, he… it happened.", she sighed, "At least they had to respect his memory. I just didn't want to clarify… I…"

"Saying it would have made it too real again.", he said.

The woman in front of him had tried to cope by hiding, hiding behind aliases and operations. Now she had lost that ability. She had surpassed the limit of them. Her age and her injury couldn't let her do it again. She had to settle down with her real identity, in her real life. She didn't want to remember what she had lost from it.

"Remind me what you do for a living. Profiling eh?", she smiled ironically taking a sip from the cup. "An agent getting herself beaten up over a ghost. Too dramatic, isn't it?"

"You needed to hang on something and for our people's type, this something is the job.", he comforted her, "But he wouldn't want you to destroy yourself."

She turned towards the window, maybe to hide the water in her eyes. He wondered if she had ever actually cried. Judging from himself, he had cried only when Haley's death had happened, never again.

"Richie… Richard once said me that this life is too short to carry things for too long…", she whispered.

Probably the man had said that phrase at a happy moment. The 'thing' to carry was something good and that 'thing' to carry ended up to be his death. Hotch never knew him but he was feeling too sorry for this. He had seen enough losses, agents, cops, Haley… He had his share of knowledge about these 'unfortunate' events and this type of ghosts, as well…

"He sounds like a sensible man."

"He proved the first part…", she replied simply raising her eyebrows looking again to her cup.

Hotch had to do something more for her. He owed it to her. He had to give at least one advice, the advice that his experience, those years and these last days, had given him and maybe it was the only thing he was absolutely sure about.

"Gloria, I learnt it myself the hard way. What makes us strong, sometimes, is letting go, not just those losses but everything that somehow put a scar on us.", he said quietly referring not only to her loss but to everything that she had done that leaded her to almost die on an alley, to whatever she had thought on that ground.

"Yeah…", she rubbed her forehead.

"And at least you are starting to talk."

"Normally I don't. Maybe I finally gave in to your famous skills of making people spill their guts.", she laughed bitterly.

"Profilers tend to have them.", he said smiling his first ever attempt to lighten the mood.

"Tell me about that! Congratulations, by the way.", she smiled warmly.

"For what?", he asked confused.

"You and Emily.", she replied smiling at his still puzzled expression.

How had she figured it out? Emily was too busy when she arrived and for sure she hadn't seen the woman before that time in the hallway, not the proper place to do this type of chatting.

"Come on, Hotch! Give me some credit. I'm a spy. I observe 'things'.", she said, her left hand motioning around her neck. Emily had worn a scarf that morning and not in a loose way. She wanted to cover a hickey from the previous night. "Scarves don't do the full job. Emily should have put some makeup on it."

He smiled shyly.

"You are too shy with women, you know that, right? How come for a profiler?", she joked.

Hotch gave her a short glare. Her way of pulling his leg was never going to be something that he could get used to. She laughed.

"Sorry. You know all this talking and reading behavior are quite successful. British profilers have quite the stories with the ladies."

"And some other American ones.", he said rising his eyebrows.

Rossi came into his head. He still hadn't clarified how well David knew the woman in front of him. Gloria understood what he had in mind.

"OK… I am not going to follow that.", she laughed.

She was still laughing and smiling. It was another way of coping but it was a good one. She had people around to talk if she wanted to, too. She could move on and Hotch was glad.

That evening, Hotch and Emily returned to her apartment. Hotch got his things from the hotel. No need to stitch missing buttons anymore.

"I can't leave the place too soon. I have to arrange some things for a few months but I will come back.", Emily announced to him out of the blue.

At that very moment Hotch was the happiest man on the planet. He hugged her pressing kisses on her temple.

"Now Emily Prentiss, you just made me the luckiest man on Earth.", he said smiling warmly.

"You made your point, you know..."

He landed his lips on hers.

"I love you."

"I love you, too.", she replied.

When breathing became a necessity, they pulled apart but remained hugged.

"And I'm not leaving Ria behind this time. And in this condition? Not a chance."

"We will try something.", Hotch agreed. "Strauss is looking for someone, actually.", he said chuckling.

"Do you want to put a professional spy around Strauss? It's going to be like you put a female James Bond around M for long! Which one of the two do you want thrown out of the window, Aaron? And be careful who you pick!", Emily laughed tapping him on the chest.

"I think… Strauss!", he laughed himself.

"Come on, admit it. You didn't like Ria at the start because she wasn't reserved around you.", she stated playfully.

"Are you saying that I am a little obsessed with my authority?" he replied rising his eyebrow.

"No, I'm saying, Aaron, that you aren't used to people not backing off when you give them that famous 'Hotch's glare'.", Emily smiled.

"You never did.", he stated as a matter of fact.

"It's a trait that spies share maybe.", she laughed.

"But I know one spy that has some 'traits' unique…", Hotch said kissing softly her neck.

"How unique?", she teased.

"I love them and she is the most beautiful one.", he laughed unbuttoning Emily's shirt.

"As for the authority that you said.", Emily laughed her hand sneaking on his tie, "You know the first days I thought you were a control freak with a tie. But a very hot… ah… one.", her breath caught in her throat when his mouth closed over the sensitive spot on her neck.

"Yeah eh? So let me prove that…", he whispered greening and Emily melted in his touch.

_And the previous night repeated itself, once or twice or more… But it was different. It had laughs and smiles. It wasn't love seared with scars, fears and regrets, anymore. It was finally love bound with happiness, like love is meant to be. But there is this problem: It is meant to be lived by complicated people in a complicated life._

_In a small apartment somewhere in the suburbs, a phone rang. The celtic cross hit softly the coffee table as the woman reached for the device. Caller's code: +1, USA._

"_Hey… Yeah I'm alright. I'll be…Yeah… I have some time to talk…"_

_Outside of the window of a woman talking with someone that cared deeply, even if none of them had realized it, and of a couple snuggled giggling, it started to snow. A veil fell over London forcing the evil ghosts in the ground, and hiding the good ones because they were white, just like it was… _

"**London goes beyond any boundary or convention. It contains every wish or word ever spoken, every action or gesture ever made, every harsh or noble statement ever expressed. It ****is illimitable. It is Infinite London.****" ~ Peter Ackroyd**

_**OK… This is not the end. An epilogue is about to follow. Some happy and funny stuff with the whole team is coming. Actually it's placed during Christmas. Funny we are near Easter but I won't change it. Also the mention of Strauss is not random, as well… You are having an idea about what can happen… heheheee…**_

_**That was a celebrating chapter for some great news I received yesterday. So if you have a smile on your face with the end of this chapter, please leave a word!**_


	23. Epilogue

**Chapter XXIII - EPILOGUE**

"**Christmas isn't a season. It's a feeling.****" ~ ****Edna Ferber**

**24****th**** December 2012 – D.C., USA **

"…_Don't shoot me Santa Claus_

_I've been a clean living boy_

_I promise you, _

_did every little thing you asked me to_

_I can't believe the things I'm going through  
Hey, Santa Claus_

_No one else around believes me_

_But the children on the block they tease me_

_I couldn't let them off that easy_

_They had it coming  
So why can't you see?  
I couldn't turn my cheek no longer  
The sun is going down and Christmas is near_

_Just look the other way and I'll disappear forever.__  
__Don't shoot me Santa Claus…__"_

"You know, singing this considering what we do is a little bit of weird!", Hotch heard Emily laughing and talking to Gloria who was the one singing the song as he was putting the key in the lock of his house.

"Oh come on! Christmas have always place for some humour!"

"And think that sometimes I forget that you are British!", Emily teased her.

"British humour is a little bit underestimated around here, you know!"

"Maybe because only British laugh with… Hey, Sergio!", Emily called the cat suddenly.

"I'm the one with the weird sense of joking but with the way this guy eyes the tree I don't really wanna know what he has in mind to do…" , Gloria laughed.

Hotch laughed himself. It was Christmas Eve. He was returning from the shop with the last minute shopping for the dinner. He had Jack with him and the two women were left at home.

Emily had come from London for the holidays with Gloria. To tell the truth he was the one that proposed to bring her friend along. Gloria had refused, though, to stay at his house and she was staying at a hotel nearby. Emily and him needed 'some family' time as she had said laughing over the phone. Jack really liked her. The kids see the good in people more easily than the adults do finally. She was getting better, too. She was more relaxed, since the last time he had seen her.

Hotch was in so good mood those days, as well. It was the first Christmas after many years that he had so much joy in his home. He had even invited the team for Christmas dinner. The others couldn't hide their surprise no matter how hard they had tried, when he announced the invitation. All of them were going to come, apart from Blake who was spending the holidays with her husband somewhere overseas. For sure the rest of them didn't want to let him down the first time he did something like this. They didn't know that Emily had come and they didn't know about Emily and him, too. They had kept it for surprise. Only Dave had a smile glued on his face since the day Hotch had come back from England but mysteriously he hadn't said or tried to fish anything. But Blake's absence gave Hotch the opportunity to invite Strauss, too. She was at JJ's wedding and she had stayed by the team's side during the last cases, acknowledging the discreet way they handled her problem. She was appreciating Emily, too, finally. She had agreed to pass by for a while. Nevertheless, she had to pass the rest of the night with her kids after them spending the rest of the day with her ex-husband.

He opened the door for Jack to go first and he followed carrying the bags, leaving them on the kitchen stool starting to put everything in its place.

"Hey! Welcome back little Jack!", Emily said happily to the kid who holding a bouquet of Christmas flowers ran to the sofa between the two women sitting, Gloria holding Sergio in her hands.

"Emmy, Ria, look what I got you!", Jack said giving them the flowers.

Jack climbed on Emily's lap, kissing her on the cheek. His son loved Emily. She knew her from before and he got used to have her around 'as daddy's special lady' those days really too fast.

"Wow! Thank you, Jack! Someone really knows how to treat girls!", Gloria laughed and she tickled him a little and the little boy started laughing.

"Our boy is a kind sir, that's why!", Emily stated smiling, giving the kid a kiss on the top of his head. "Let's get you a cookie and put them in a vase. Right?" , she continued and the boy nodded.

She lifted him in her hug and they went towards the box with the freshly baked cookies on the dining table. The boy was trying to decide if he wanted a Christmas tree or a snowman cookie.

"Can't I have them both, Emmy?", he asked.

"Jack he have to keep them for Santa.", Hotch talked his son out of eating too much before dinner.

"But we leave only three for Santa!"

"Maybe this year you have to leave more…", Gloria spoke and Hotch recognized that tone.

"Why?", his son asked.

"Let's just say that this year Santa is gonna need more energy…", Gloria greened looking at Emily and Hotch.

The little boy couldn't understand what she was meaning but the adults in the room could definitely catch the subtext and they burst in laughs.

"Why?", the kid insisted innocently.

"Now answer him.", Hotch raised his eyebrow to Gloria teasingly.

"He has more kids to visit this year, Jack.", Gloria laughed.

"And he is getting old…", it was Emily's turn to tease Hotch, letting Jack gently on the floor and approaching him.

"Old?", he asked her playfully.

She smiled giving him a short kiss on the lips, her palms went on his chest as he hugged her.

"Jack, what about we make a snowman for your guests in the evening? Only if your dad let us, though.", Gloria asked.

"Can we Daddy? It's not too cold outside.", the little boy asked pleadingly.

Hotch was never able to say no to his son when he was looking at him like that.

"Sure, Jack. Just try not to sweat too much. OK?", he answered.

"Thanks, Dad. Let's go Ria!"

"He is going to surprise you with some snowballs at some point.", Hotch warned Gloria who was buttoning her coat.

"Thanks for the tip. Not if I surprise you first.", she winked to Jack bending to his height.

"You won't make it!", Jack smiled challengingly in the cutest way.

"We will see it, little Hotchner.", she replied warmly offering her hand to him.

"Are you OK with…?", Hotch asked worried. A snow fight could be intense for the woman's back.

"I'm as fine as I can be. For sure I'm OK for a snow fight. Don't worry.", she answered appreciating his concern.

Gloria and Jack went outside. Hotch took advantage from the given privacy and kissed Emily passionately, his hand roaming her body up and down over her jeans and black blouse. He continued on her neck and by the time he was finished, he had her wreathing and brushing against his body, out of breath, her eyes semi-closed, darkened with lust and her cheeks flushed. He smiled proudly.

"This was because I'm getting old.", he teased.

"You, Aaron, you are only getting better.", she replied, "But…", she gave him a Cheshire smile brushing her pelvis to his, gaining a groan, "They say that it takes a good woman…"

"It takes a woman who I love.", he answered his hands going on her waist to stop any further movement. They had privacy but not for long.

She nested her head into his chest, her arms around his neck.

"Could you imagine it two months ago?", she spoke.

"What?", he knew what she meant but he wanted her to say it.

"That we are here, like this."

"Having you in my arms? Kissing you?", he answered landing his lips briefly on hers when she nodded, "No. But I am happy for the unpredictability of this life.", resting his chin softly on the top of her head.

"It feels like home, Aaron…", Emily whispered.

"It is, sweetheart. It is."

A snowball landed on the glass of the window behind the closed curtain and giggles were heard from the yard.

"Or having a person that I didn't like at all at first playing with my son?", Emily started laughing again at his words, "No as well. But I am happy that I was wrong, though."

"Let's join them!", Emily offered happily tagging his hand.

He held her a bit.

"I didn't tell you before but London did good to you.", Hotch spoke.

She smiled understanding what he was meaning. She had felt the change in herself, that she had become her old self again.

"I guess having to adjust, the too much work and the fact that I had to take care of Ria and confront her once in a while shook me a lot.", she admitted.

"Everything happens for a reason finally, Garcia is right.", Hotch smiled kissing her tenderly, "Let's see now who surprised who finally."

They joined Jack and Gloria and after many snowballs and laughs, they finished a very big snowman who was wearing a tie…!

The evening came. The house smelled freshly baked food. Hotch had finally that 'family feeling', that 'complete family feeling'. Emily had worn an A-line, red dress with beige vintage patterns on it finishing just above her knees. She had developed a liking for the vintage stuff with her staying in England. She had matched it with beige high heels and her hair was in loose curls. Hotch in his grey suit and dark blue shirt, without a tie though, was watching her, unable to believe that this woman was his.

The bell rang and Jack rushed to open it revealing Rossi in a blue suit holding a box of chocolates and a large box wrapped in Christmas paper.

"Merry Christmas, Uncle Dave!"

"Merry Christmas, Jack!", Dave greeted back giving the box to Jack.

"Thank you, Uncle Dave! You didn't have to bring me...", the boy answered.

"Hey! Leave the 'You didn't have to...' phrase for your father.", Dave laughed messing playfully the boy's hair.

"OK!", Jack nodded.

"That's my boy.", and then Rossi looked at Hotch and Emily and he smiled, "I see that you brought from England something better than just tea, Aaron.", he hugged Emily fatherly, "Welcome back, kiddo!"

"Merry Christmas, Dave.", she returned the hug.

"It was about time.", Rossi said to Hotch squeezing his hand.

"You don't seem surprised, Dave.", Hotch spoke. It was time to fish how Dave seemed to know what had happened during all that time.

"Let's say that I had some 'indizi'.", Rossi smiled mischievously looking at Emily who understood the word.

But Hotch felt proud that, after so many years working with the man, he had learnt very few Italian words. 'Indizi' mean 'clues'. He didn't know however how it had come for his friend to use Italian.

"Ciao amico! Buon Natale!" (Hello friend! Merry Christmas!), Gloria appeared from the still open door and came near them.

She was wearing a loose, black, silk, knee-long dress with straps and with sewed, dark red, velvet roses, tightened on her waist with a ribbon the same dark red colour as her ballerina shoes and a short-sleeved, black, knitted bolero covered her shoulders and back.

"Wow! Gloria! Che sorpresa! Tu non mi hai ditto! Comme stai, stella mia?" (Gloria! What a surprise! You haven't told me! How are you, my star?), Dave got excited and hugged the younger woman kissing her on the cheeks.

Hotch was quite surprised himself and he saw Emily beside him watching their friends with amusement.

"Bene-bene! Come è il mio ragazzo amante?" (Well Well! How is my lover boy?), Gloria laughed.

"Sono felice di revedere i tuoi occhi belli!" (I am happy to see your beautiful eyes again!), he replied caressing the woman's cheeks with his thumps.

"Sempre lo stesso Dave! Che carino!" (Always the same Dave! How lovely!), she tapped Rossi on the chest.

"Hey! English please!", Hotch said smiling. OK… Definitely Dave knew that woman a lot better than he had said.

"Why? You are the only one who doesn't understand!" Gloria frowned in a funny way at him.

"E 'solo curioso, piccola mia!" (He's just curious, sweetheart! -my little one literally), Dave laughed.

Hotch guessed that he had just called him curious. He noticed that Dave still had his hand around Gloria's waist. His friend and the women were a great story. He could safely stop writing about serial killers and start writing about love adventures.

"Non hanno bisogno di sapere tutto, Hotchner!" (You don't need to know everything, Hotchner!), Gloria said to him mockingly.

"Oh yeah, Ria is right about this, Aaron!", Emily laughed with his expression that showed that he hadn't understood a single word except his name. "You don't need to know everything!"

"Esattamente!" David agreed accentuating his Italian pronunciation. "Exactly for those who don't understand the poetic language di amore (of love)!", he winked playfully to Hotch.

Hotch laughed. For sure he didn't need to know, he thought, but he would find out…

Garcia and Morgan were the third to come. Garcia in a bright green dress with red beads hanging from her neck and Christmas tree earrings ran to Emily enthusiastically, squeezing her with the bags still in her hands.

"My Gum-drop back from the English grounds!"

"Some English back to America!", Emily laughed holding her.

"We missed you so-so much!", Pen squeezed her again.

"Me too, PG!"

"Hotch you had us quite the surprise.", Morgan said as he hugged warmly Emily, "Merry Christmas, Princess."

"Merry Christmas.", Emily replied smiling.

"Back here eh? They don't have partners like me in Britain, do they?", Morgan told with fake arrogance.

"You never change, do you?", Emily hit him lightly on the shoulder.

"Oh! British Glory!", Garcia hugged Gloria too.

"Hey, Pen!", Gloria returned the hug. "And you are Derek if I remember correctly.", she offered her hand.

"A woman forgetting your name?", Rossi teased Morgan, instinctively going closer Gloria as she had a such handsome and younger than him man in front of her. OK… This was getting even more interesting…

"Sorry we met too briefly. I mainly remember you as Pen's Chocolate Thunder!", Gloria laughed.

"I answer to that too! But it is Derek, yeah. " Morgan smiled ignoring Rossi and accepted her hand, "Merry Christmas, Gloria!"

"You should have called me the moment you landed, you know.", Garcia said to Emily.

"Hm... It was not the only surprise, guys.", Emily spoke her hand going to Hotch's and he was touched that she was the one that took the initiative to announce their relationship.

"Boss-man and Gum-drop are you…?"

They both nodded. And Garcia hugged excited both of them at the same time gaining a stunned look from Hotch.

"Finally my furry friends together!"

"Hotch, you just gained the best girl in the world, so be careful!", Morgan warned brotherly, patting him on the back once Garcia's tight hug ended.

"I am.", Hotch replied, a happy smile on his face.

The bell rang again. They were JJ, Will and Henry, followed by Strauss and Reid. Reid had come alone. No one had met his girlfriend yet and that was strange, but Hotch was guessing that he was just hiding her from the over-protective, big and too chatty family of them. They saw Emily and Hotch with their hands intertwined and all of them smiled. JJ hugged Emily warmly.

"I'm so happy for you. We are going to have you back around here, aren't we?", JJ said touched to see her best friend again and to learn so good news. Emily was too.

"Oh yeah! Scrabble is never enough, is it?", she agreed.

The rest exchanged wishes, hugs, congratulations and introductions. Jack went with Henry to open the presents and play together.

"It's good to see you again, Emily.", Strauss said.

"The same, chief Strauss.", Emily greeted back.

"Oh just Erin, please, and congratulations, both of you.", she smiled and then she noticed the eye-catching, red-haired beside David.

His hand had sneaked again around Gloria's waist. Hotch's friend had too much the tendency to touch the woman and she was leaning into it and that didn't go unnoticed by Strauss. She excused herself and went near them and Rossi's hand returned by his side. Strauss introduced herself with the aim to learn the younger woman's identity.

"Am I missing episodes?", Emily laughed watching Erin.

"In this case we are missing the same ones.", Aaron replied thoughtfully.

"Rossi and Strauss? Not a chance. It's just Rossi being Rossi."

"I hope so.", Hotch murmured.

JJ and Garcia came to them.

"You don't escape this time, girl!", JJ laughed.

"You are gonna give us all the details about how you hooked up with our Hot-stuff Sir!", Garcia pressed and then she realized what she had just said in front of her boss, "Sorry, Hot-stuff Sir! Ehh… Sorry, Sir!", Penelope turned red.

"No problem, Penelope.", he laughed, as the girls stole Emily from his side.

Hotch knew that their real start was too dark for the time but they had enough good moments the days he had stayed, even over the phone and Skype, for Emily to narrate during her friends' interrogation.

After some chatting and catching up, during which Hotch talked with Will about their sons, the girls with Gloria and Reid laughed a lot and Strauss having cornered Rossi talked with Morgan about some cases, they sat at the table for the dinner. They were seated just like a family, with all the funny stuff that families have one of which was Garcia, Strauss, David and Gloria sitting side by side. Strauss wasn't comfortable with Garcia's too open flirting with Morgan, next to her. Rossi was obviously not too comfortable having to be beside Erin and avoid getting close to Ria, who was the only one at ease ignoring the from-time-to-time investigative stares from the older woman and keeping a normal distance from the man beside her.

"You know, Christmas dinners and lunches are quite common around the world combined with multiple traditions and stories. What is very interesting is that, even if we normally eat turkey during Christmas, mainly because of the American culture spreading, in many countries they used to eat other types of food or they accompany the turkey with other various side-dishes. For example in…", Reid started once they began eating.

"Hey pretty boy!", Morgan interrupted him before he analyzed worldwide traditions, "Can we eat this dinner without a cultural lesson?"

"Don't bother, Reid. You'll tell me later. I missed my alive encyclopedia.", Emily joked touching the disappointed genius's hand.

Hotch, that could never imagine that Reid's ranting about facts could actually be missed, smiled putting some pie in his son's plate.

"I missed you too.", Spencer admitted quietly.

"We have many things to talk about, don't we?", Emily smiled warmly and Reid nodded. Something had started to bother the younger member of his team that last month.

"So how is London, Emily?", Will spoke.

"Nice and cloudy.", Emily replied, "Regular stuff and too much paperwork. But I found some old friends.", she continued looking over to Ria.

"And not only!", JJ laughed raising her eyebrows playfully.

"Rossi, Gloria. You do know each other. So tell us: Was the 'crime' 'organized'?", Morgan asked his hand towards Emily and Hotch looking at Dave and the Interpol agent.

Strauss turned curiously to the two persons beside her. She had learnt that they had met during some of Rossi's presentations in London but she hadn't figured out, too, how well they knew each other.

"Don't look at me!", Ria laughed, "I did call Dave before I followed the formal procedure but everything else was his decision.", she pointed towards Rossi.

"Let's say that they weren't my ears that didn't let me go to London.", Rossi admitted, "It was worth a try.", David smiled to Hotch and he could see a slender apology, not for bringing him and Emily together, but for what had happened over there. He had an idea from the files that something dark had taken place.

"For once, Dave, you intervening with my personal life was for good.", Hotch gave a thankful smile to his friend. No need for him to worry. What was passed was passed. "For the best.", he corrected himself holding Emily's hand who smiled shyly.

Everyone was looking at them with a knowing smile on their faces.

"Oooh! You are so cute together!", Garcia spoke leaning towards Morgan, "Just like me and my steaming hero!"

"We are not just cute Baby Girl! We are hot!", Morgan laughed.

"In any way, your trip to London, Aaron, had more than one good outcome.", Strauss said trying to overlook what should have been labeled as inappropriate.

"London has the tendency to bring people close, you know.", Gloria spoke casually.

Hotch noticed, as Ria was speaking, her raised eyebrow towards Strauss and her tilting towards Rossi in a way that could have been described provocative, if it wasn't so slight that all the others missed it except Strauss herself. But he didn't know if Ria was just entertained with the other woman's insecurity and she was just fooling around a little or indeed she was trying to mark a territory. In the last case he was sure that Erin never held a chance. In any case, Dave coughed a little uncomfortably between the two women.

"Actually London is one for the top destinations for honey moons.", Reid said unaware of the situation he was saving.

"See? But you preferred the Caribbean!", JJ mocked Will.

"You look good in swimsuit, honey.", Will answered teasingly.

"Hey! We have children around!", Emily said and all laughed.

"In any way, Rossi, I don't you pay you the bet back. You cheated, man!", Morgan laughed affirming that the team always knew. For sure, they had guessed what was lying below the surface for all those years.

"I didn't cheat! I just offered some help!", Rossi protested.

"Dave, you offered some help from the one side, me from the other. Forget it. You aren't gonna get paid. Rely on your books.", Gloria nudged David with her elbow.

"Sorry. Had you actually put a bet on us?", Hotch asked surprised.

"What? We are good at what we do!", Rossi winked and gave him the same answer that he had given him when Emily got back from Europe.

"Profilers, Aaron. Profilers.", Emily smiled shaking her head.

The rest of the dinner was full of funny stories and regular conversations. Once finished, Hotch served himself a glass of wine and he approached David that had finally escaped Strauss, who had left, and he was watching Gloria talking and laughing with Reid that had finally found a British to widen his knowledge about the English culture and show off what he already knew.

"You do know her better than you have said.", Hotch said.

"I did meet her long time ago. When was that? Six-seven years ago.", David replied.

That put their meeting after what the younger agent had passed, Hotch thought.

"She stayed at the end of the presentation. I figured out that she was working in law enforcement. She told me she was Interpol. Her mother was Italian. We had things to talk about."

"Just that, eh?"

"You still think that I can't know a woman without her passing from my bed!", Rossi smiled finally turning towards Hotch.

"You made a whole FBI put fraternization rules, Dave.", he stated.

"OK, OK.", he laughed and gave up, "We went out for some dinners. She is beautiful, nice and talkative. Why not?"

"And you go for dinner with all of your fans that have those qualities.", Hotch looked at him, a joking look on his face.

"I have met too many agents overseas and here. Gloria was somehow different from the others.", he said looking to the younger woman again.

"She was an undercover agent.", Hotch enlightened him.

"I had my suspicions.", Rossi replied not surprised, "She had a habit of losing contact for long time and reappearing. And she had this hyperawareness all the time. With her risky tendencies, she put herself in great trouble.", David continued concerned.

Hotch wondered about what Rossi was already aware of. Aaron wasn't intending to tell him what he knew. His friend would speak to him, if she wanted, but he had the feeling that she had already spoken.

"But she isn't different only because of what she was doing. It's her, herself.", Rossi carried on.

Hotch rose an eyebrow smiling. He was sure that many years had passed since he had heard his old friend speaking about a woman with that tone in his voice. Rossi guessed what was in his mind.

"When I first met her, the girl just needed someone to treat her like a lady, Aaron.", he clarified and Hotch found himself wondering for one more time what that 'treatment' included, "But what can I say? I always find beautiful spies attractive! Don't you agree?", Rossi said motioning towards Emily.

Hotch laughed.

"Sure. Just be careful.", he warned more seriously after a while.

"I'm not planning on hurting her, Aaron.", Rossi replied confused.

"I don't worry about Gloria, Dave. I'm talking about Strauss. We are analyzing criminal minds. We aren't playing in 'The Bold and The Beautiful'!"

Nice! His friend had already forgotten about the other woman. The last thing that Hotch wanted was a love triangle with his team inside. And if his friend came to choose, he could definitely say who he would go after. And the very last thing that Aaron wanted was a jealous Strauss going after them…

"What are the boys talking about?", Emily interrupted them before Hotch had a clear answer about what was going on.

"Just about spies.", Rossi answered smiling changing subject.

"Hey! Don't talk about spies when you have spies around!", she laughed her hand sneaking around Hotch's back and he instinctively passed his around her shoulders.

"We should get used to it again, kiddo.", Rossi laughed watching the casualty between them.

"Oh! Believe me! You should get used to have two of us around in about four months time.", Emily said.

David lifted his eyebrows in surprise.

"Oh yeah! Our British friend is coming with me to the Interpol liaison office here.", Emily clarified.

"Good thing that the FBI doesn't hire people that aren't US citizens.", Hotch joked. It was a good thing from too many views finally, he thought.

"Good thing eh?", Gloria's voice came from behind him. "Sometimes you make exceptions…"

"You did actually give him a hard time, didn't you?", Rossi asked smiling.

"He thinks so.", Gloria laughed, "He got saved because he had good recommendations. Otherwise…"

"You bet.", Hotch challenged her funnily.

"Hey-hey! You had given me enough headache!", Emily burst in laughs with Rossi.

"Emmy! Can you help us please?", Jack called.

He and Henry were trying to put together a toy train and apparently they had some problem. Emily rushed to their side followed by Rossi who was always enjoying some play time with the kids. Gloria smiled to Jack's good manners.

"Your son is a wonderful kid, Hotch."

"Thanks.", he smiled proudly.

"I never got to say thank you, you know.", Gloria turned serious, "For inviting me here. It's the best Christmas I had for many years… It's an amazing family.", she continued looking around to the happy faces.

"And you are more than welcomed."

Hotch was too grateful to the woman that, in that weird way that the events happened, had showed him what he needed to know. And even if he had to face a soap opera with his 'ragazzo amante' friend, he could put up with it.

"To better days.", he toasted raising his glass.

"To better days.", she agreed raising hers. At least he had showed that back to her, as well.

The end of the night came with music. Reid had the boys hanging from his mouth. Sometimes it was too useful to have someone with eidetic memory around kids. He had always stories to tell. Will was dancing with JJ. Derek was laughing with Garcia following the rhythm of the music. Gloria was leaning into Dave's hug while he was moving his hand up and down her back soothingly, as they danced.

Hotch had Emily in his arms. A song started to play and Hotch remembered the other time that they had danced with it. Back then he had her in his hands that time too. But now he could lean to her ear and say what he couldn't back then:

"I love you, Emily."

And she could accompany her smile with that:

"I love you, Aaron."

"_Cause in this life you must find something to live for  
Cause when the darkness comes a callin'  
You'll go back to where you were before  
Cause this life is as  
Fragile as a dream, and  
Nothing's ever really  
As it seems..."  
_

_And at that moment they both really did know that, after whatever had happened, they came to where they were before, side by side, in each other's arms and among their family. Back then, they had thought that that dance was an ending and that every ending is also a beginning. But during that new dance they had learnt that it had just seemed to be an ending and that…_

"… **There are many things that don't really end anyway, they just begin again in a new way… Many ends aren't really an ending; some things are never-ending." ~ ****C. JoyBell C.**

**~ THE END ~**

_**An ending or a beginning of a series? I do not really know guys. Too busy time is coming at me. But who knows? **_

_**The lyrics are from the songs "Don't shoot me Santa Claus" by the Killers and "As it seems" by Lilly Kershaw ( I don't own them!) And I hope the Italian phrases are correct. (Sorry my Italian are too poor…)**_

_**With this story finally completed, I want to thank all of you who followed it, all of you who left a word and generally all of you who read it!**_

_**THANK YOU, guys! It was great fun for me and I hope you had great fun too!**_

_**Watermelon's Pen 8-) **_


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